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4.04 AVERAGE
4.04 AVERAGE
Interesting and informative. Though it often falls back into a rhetoric of heteronormativity and maybe a bit of judgment, perhaps common in older generations, it gave me a lot to think about in my current life and in how to proceed in the future.
Probably wouldn't have finished this book if I hadn't been stuck on an airplane with nothing else to do. I read it because of an interview I heard with the author on NPR. Unfortunately, I think the most interesting bits were covered on the radio. The descriptions of sexual assault were disturbing.
Very interesting and love all the interviews with girls and women.
challenging
informative
slow-paced
What an eye opening book. With three sons I worry about the rape culture and the having of sex too early for my boys and this book laid out the good the bad and the ugly of sex on high school and college campus. The book read like a conversation with several girls from around the country and their experience with sex in high school and college. It taught me I must have open dialogue with my boys and discuss they joys and responsibilities of having sex. The school system will not always teach your kids facts and you must keep up with the ever-changing world of sex everywhere. Comparing America to Norway was also an eye opener because our money and time spent on abstinence is not necessarily the right way.
challenging
informative
fast-paced
Read this for book club. It was an interesting but depressing read. We had a good discussion about sex ed and cultural expectations.
This was a very good (and surprisingly quick) read. Having read fairly extensively on the subject, most of the information was already familiar to me, but it's nice to have it all packaged together to recommend to those less familiar with the issues. Each chapter tackles a different aspect of the topic, creating a broad and cohesive starting point for discussion.
The downside, in my opinion, is that the examinations of each aspect are somewhat cursory. The author is fairly good at presenting objective facts and admitting her own biases, but some of the chapters felt at times like they were just cruising over the major outlines of each topic without questioning much or delving into a lot of the nuance. I noticed this particularly in the discussions of hookup culture and casual sex. While she (rightfully) calls out parents' and the media's tendency toward moral panics over exaggerated or outright false stories of new and outrageous teen behaviors (e.g. Oprah and her "rainbow parties"), at times it felt almost like that was what she was doing herself: taking a (self-selected) sample of girls and extrapolating from their (self-reported) behavior to create a narrative of constant hookups and casual sexual contact that didn't always ring true for me. Yes, it's been a decade since I graduated high school, and no, I wasn't one of the cool kids, but I don't think I was THAT far out of touch then, and I don't think things can have changed THAT much since. I'm sure such behavior does go on, and probably more frequently than most parents would like to admit, but I'm still skeptical of the absolute ubiquity the book seems to imply. More actual data would have been useful here, as well as more historical context for comparison.
Overall, though, it was a very accessible and interesting read, and I would definitely recommend it to those looking for an easy primer on the subject.
The downside, in my opinion, is that the examinations of each aspect are somewhat cursory. The author is fairly good at presenting objective facts and admitting her own biases, but some of the chapters felt at times like they were just cruising over the major outlines of each topic without questioning much or delving into a lot of the nuance. I noticed this particularly in the discussions of hookup culture and casual sex. While she (rightfully) calls out parents' and the media's tendency toward moral panics over exaggerated or outright false stories of new and outrageous teen behaviors (e.g. Oprah and her "rainbow parties"), at times it felt almost like that was what she was doing herself: taking a (self-selected) sample of girls and extrapolating from their (self-reported) behavior to create a narrative of constant hookups and casual sexual contact that didn't always ring true for me. Yes, it's been a decade since I graduated high school, and no, I wasn't one of the cool kids, but I don't think I was THAT far out of touch then, and I don't think things can have changed THAT much since. I'm sure such behavior does go on, and probably more frequently than most parents would like to admit, but I'm still skeptical of the absolute ubiquity the book seems to imply. More actual data would have been useful here, as well as more historical context for comparison.
Overall, though, it was a very accessible and interesting read, and I would definitely recommend it to those looking for an easy primer on the subject.
Great for suggestions on comprehensive sex education. Appreciated the focus on "intimate justice", and the disconnect between todays brave, loud, assertive young women everywhere but where sex is involved.
Back in 1995 the National Commission on Adolescent Sexual Health declared healthy sexual development a basic human right. Teen intimacy, it said, ought to be, "consensual, non-exploitative, honest, pleasurable, and protected against unintended pregnancy and STDs." How is it, over two decades later, that we are so shamefully short of that goal? -- 12
Not all boys participate in harassing behavior, but ... "However, every girl I spoke with, every single girl -- regardless of her class, ethnicity, or sexual orientation; regardless of what she wore, regardless of her appearance -- had been harassed I middle school, high school, college, or often, all three. Who, then, is truly at risk of being "distracted" at school? -- 20
[Talking about Kim and Kanye]... In an ode to their love, he penned a touching lyric about knowing she could be his "spouse girl" "when I impregnanted your mouth, girl" -- and together they have a daughter, North West, currently a toddler. I wonder how they'll react to her first sex tape. -- 64 -- not cool for an author who comments on over sexualization of girls to make a snide comment about future sex tapes of kids who are currently toddlers!!
Paraphrase -- by focusing on purity Evangelicals may miss out on some of the chances to explore sexuality and learn how to communicate about sexuality.. No progression to intercourse. -- purity ball chapter
If I had a son? I would be equally clear with him: drunk girls are not "easy pickings"; their poor choices are not your free pass sex. I would tell him that heavy drinking in addition to potential long-term physical harm, impairs boys' ability to detect or respect nonconsent. I would say that if there is any doubt about a girl's capacity to say yes -- if the thought even flits across his mind -- he should, for his own safety as well as hers, move along. There will be other opportunities to have sex (truly, there will be). So although I get why for both parents and policy makers, focusing on girls' drinking is tempting, it is simply not enough. 275
[sex education teacher Charis Denison] .. There's this useful thing around consent: Any good lover is a good listener. And a bad listener is at best a bad lover and at worst a rapist."... You are being intimate. You get to decide what that intimacy looks like and feels like, and you get to define what "intimate" is. But there are two people involved -- that you is plural. Another way you can think about it is 'What will be a positive sexual experience for everyone involved?'" 331 - 332
[Denison] ... Someone in an eleventh grade class asked how to have intercourse in a way that wouldn't hurt his partner. She talked about easing the penis in and out of the vagina gradually, rather than doing the porn- inspired thrust, allowing a girl's body time to acclimate. She suggested a boy could shift his weight so he wasn't always bashing into the same spot, and could "empower" a female partner to grab his hips to control the depth of the penetration. There was no denying it she was explaining how to have sex . 338
Not all boys participate in harassing behavior, but ... "However, every girl I spoke with, every single girl -- regardless of her class, ethnicity, or sexual orientation; regardless of what she wore, regardless of her appearance -- had been harassed I middle school, high school, college, or often, all three. Who, then, is truly at risk of being "distracted" at school? -- 20
[Talking about Kim and Kanye]... In an ode to their love, he penned a touching lyric about knowing she could be his "spouse girl" "when I impregnanted your mouth, girl" -- and together they have a daughter, North West, currently a toddler. I wonder how they'll react to her first sex tape. -- 64 -- not cool for an author who comments on over sexualization of girls to make a snide comment about future sex tapes of kids who are currently toddlers!!
Paraphrase -- by focusing on purity Evangelicals may miss out on some of the chances to explore sexuality and learn how to communicate about sexuality.. No progression to intercourse. -- purity ball chapter
If I had a son? I would be equally clear with him: drunk girls are not "easy pickings"; their poor choices are not your free pass sex. I would tell him that heavy drinking in addition to potential long-term physical harm, impairs boys' ability to detect or respect nonconsent. I would say that if there is any doubt about a girl's capacity to say yes -- if the thought even flits across his mind -- he should, for his own safety as well as hers, move along. There will be other opportunities to have sex (truly, there will be). So although I get why for both parents and policy makers, focusing on girls' drinking is tempting, it is simply not enough. 275
[sex education teacher Charis Denison] .. There's this useful thing around consent: Any good lover is a good listener. And a bad listener is at best a bad lover and at worst a rapist."... You are being intimate. You get to decide what that intimacy looks like and feels like, and you get to define what "intimate" is. But there are two people involved -- that you is plural. Another way you can think about it is 'What will be a positive sexual experience for everyone involved?'" 331 - 332
[Denison] ... Someone in an eleventh grade class asked how to have intercourse in a way that wouldn't hurt his partner. She talked about easing the penis in and out of the vagina gradually, rather than doing the porn- inspired thrust, allowing a girl's body time to acclimate. She suggested a boy could shift his weight so he wasn't always bashing into the same spot, and could "empower" a female partner to grab his hips to control the depth of the penetration. There was no denying it she was explaining how to have sex . 338