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3.66 AVERAGE
3.66 AVERAGE
I wanted a bigger take away but maybe that’s just me. There were so many key ideas but somehow they landed on the title to be courage to be disliked
Philosophical book about Adlerian psychology. Enjoyed the back-and-forth between the kid and the old philosopher, but it could be cheesy and annoying. Liked that the “harshness” of views are acknowledged.
Don’t know if I’ll remember many of the arguments and technical terms, but I personally agree with many of the views. Not one-size-fits-all and there are still many views hard to digest and fully agree with.
Talks about inferiority, competition, excuses, past vs present, choice, interpersonal relationships, separation of tasks, freedom, revenge, and praise.
3 of my favorite ideas:
- inferiority is caused by comparing oneself to others and basing your value on that judgement
- the desire to be recognized should not be motivation to do an action… you are not living to satisfy others expectations
- choosing the best path that you believe in… if someone else does not support it, getting them to change isn’t your “task” to take
Don’t know if I’ll remember many of the arguments and technical terms, but I personally agree with many of the views. Not one-size-fits-all and there are still many views hard to digest and fully agree with.
Talks about inferiority, competition, excuses, past vs present, choice, interpersonal relationships, separation of tasks, freedom, revenge, and praise.
3 of my favorite ideas:
- inferiority is caused by comparing oneself to others and basing your value on that judgement
- the desire to be recognized should not be motivation to do an action… you are not living to satisfy others expectations
- choosing the best path that you believe in… if someone else does not support it, getting them to change isn’t your “task” to take
Some interesting points.
Easy to read based on the format.
Easy to read based on the format.
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
challenging
informative
reflective
slow-paced
This SLAPPED! the book is a combo of adlerian psychology & philosophy and the format is fun to read, a dialogue between a philosopher and a young man who is trying to make sense of the adlerian concepts while also trying his best to find a way to discredit the theories.. which ig, same, bc at first glance adlerian psychology seems very much oversimplified and internally i was definitely asking myself the same questions as this mr man
Philosophical content was excellent. Makes me want to learn more about Adler. I didn't particularly care for the format between scholar and student but it was effective in laying out the logic of thought. Highly recommend.
Super interesting - I don’t know that I fully grasped the concepts.
informative
inspiring
reflective
slow-paced
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
i fear i can’t get this spoiler block right but the rest is spoilers so stop reading here
- life is simple people are complicated
- well water analogy and perspective with dark glasses
- why people can change
- boy thinks everyone wants to change because they cannot
- present goals instead of past causes
- friend had the goal of not going out and now he’s creating this fear as an excuse to not go out
- etiology vs teleology
- trauma does not exist
- “we are not determined by past causes but move toward goals they themselves set”
- we make of them whatever suits our purposes
- you are the one that decides how you live
- booo determinism!!! it is the road to nihilism
- “we are not determined by past causes but move toward goals they themselves set”
- anger is fabricated
- you use anger to make people submit to you. fabricate the feeling of anger to make people act a certain way
- unhappiness is something you choose for yourself
- it’s not about what one is born with but instead what they can do with what they were born with
- a concept butchered by noah centeneo that one awards show
- it’s not about what one is born with but instead what they can do with what they were born with
- people always choose not to change
- your lifestyle is decided by you
- people are constantly selecting their lifestyle and how they describe themselves, where they want to go, and when they go there
- you make the consistent decision to keep the same lifestyle. he’s like driving the same old car
- change brings up anxiety and lacks security
- there’s anxiety with changing and disappointment with not changing
- your life is decided in the here and now
- he wants to keep the possibility of “i can do it if i try” open. which is why he doesn’t try. he doesn’t expose himself to criticism or rejection and the potential of the opposite: i can’t do it even if i try.
- damn explains procrastinating the big goals
- “the past does not exist”
- he wants to keep the possibility of “i can do it if i try” open. which is why he doesn’t try. he doesn’t expose himself to criticism or rejection and the potential of the opposite: i can’t do it even if i try.
- why you dislike yourself
- the boy in convo has resolved to not start liking himself. man says to him, liking himself is a virtue
- fear of blushing and helping the symptoms.
- girl creates this fear of blushing and says she can’t ask this man out until she gets over it. but instead it serves at an excuse. old man says he won’t cure they fear of blushing cuz if she gets rejected she’ll wanna cling to the fear again. instead they have to work on her self confidence
- getting hurt in interpersonal relationships are
- all problems are interpersonal relationship problems
- loneliness isn’t being alone it’s being in a universe with other people and feeling excluded from them
- height example and perspective
- diamond worth based on social norms
- an inferiority complex is an excuse
- to the healthy mind a strive for superiority promotes progress and growth. it’s a launchpad
- complex is different. you cannot mix up the feeling of inferiority and an inferiority complex
- the feeling can be a trigger for striving and growth
- the complex is when you use that feeling as an excuse
- a is the situation so b cannot be done
- braggarts have a feeling of inferiority
- those who manifest inferiority complex in attitudes say if only it weren’t for a, b could be done. but that’s just an excuse
- no is able to put up with having feelings of inferiority for a long time. everyone feels them but staying in them is too heavy to endure forever.
- so how do you compensate? if not through striving and grow it it is in the superiority complex —> bragging
- superiority complex helps the person to compensate by indulging in a fabricated feeling of superior to
- excessive alliance to brands etc (this makes hella sense)
- people making themselves look bigger are living on others values systems. they’re living in accordance with other peoples lives.
- the most powerful being is a baby
- life is not a competition
- inferiority feeling doesn’t come from comparing to others but comparing to our ideal self
- everyone is equal and different. don’t mix up different with inferiority
- competition get sin the way with being oneself
- you’re the only one worried about your appearance
- admitting fault is not defeat
- don’t engage in a power struggle walk away
- when someone thinks they are right and the other party is wrong they step into the power struggle
- the rightness of one’s point should close the competition. but instead they push to winning and losing and want someone to admit defeat
- remember anger is a tool
- overcoming the tasks that face your life
- two objectives of behavior: be self reliant and live in harmony with society
- two objectives of psychology that supports these behaviors: consciousness that i have the ability and the consciences that people are my comrades
- tasks of life tasks of work tasks of love
- work
- neets get tied up as they avoid work interpersonal relationships
- red string and rigid chains
- task of love
- love relationships and family relationships
- relationships in which people restrict each other fall apart
- all you have is scissors, which makes cutting ties from family hard and red string easy
- but you have to see it through
- task of love
- don’t fall for the “life lie”
- life lie is when one shifts the responsibility of the situation they’re currently in to another person
- when a relationship ends and one person can’t stand anything the other person does. they’ve decided they wanted to break up already. the person that annoys them hasn’t changed, their partner is just looking for justification to leave
- we choose our lifestyles ourselves
- turning to life lies comes from a lack of confidence
- discard other peoples tasks / deny the desire of recognition
- adler criticicized praise and reward education because it leads to lifestyles built on praise
- picking up litter when no one’s watching example
- living for other peoples expectations means you’re living for them not for you
- lots of clients are not having conflict with themselves but they’re too busy dealing with the expectations of others
- do not behave without regard for others
- separation of tasks
- all interpersonal relationship problems come from intruding one’s task or one’s task being intruded on
- studying is a child’s task. supporting is a parents task
- children that are not taught to face challenges avoid them
- adler criticicized praise and reward education because it leads to lifestyles built on praise
- the desire to be recognized makes you unfree
- what should one do to not be disliked? constantly gage others feelings while swearing loyalty to them. you can never do this, you can barely do this to more than one person
- this section finally connects to the title. phenomenal build up
- freedom is being disliked by other people
- it’s not my job to make people like me! lfg! and it never has been
- k yeah can’t get behind him on this father hit him
- instead of father hit me i don’t like him he turned it to i recall my father hitting me as an excuse because i don’t want the relationship with my father to get better
- the goal of interpersonal relationships is a feeling of community
- the smallest unit of community is you and i
- why am i only interested in myself?
- people who are obsessed with recognition are the most self centered
- they lack concern for others as they’re worried about how they are perceived by them
- concern for others > attachment to self
- people who are obsessed with recognition are the most self centered
- you are not the center of the world
- a certain someone would eat this chapter up
- the protagonist is one’s eye but the eye does not rule the world. it is just a member of the counting.
- people that think they’re at the center think everyone exists to serve them. eventually they become deeply disappointed and think that person let me down they didn’t do anything for me they are my enemy
- leap from being life’s protagonist to the worlds protagonist
- only ever think about what they can get out of others
- no one is living to satisfy your expectations
- you belong to a larger community
- you need to observe the communities around you
- if you can leave a community like school work a simple withdraw notice you need to think about how close that community was to you in the first place
- do not rebuke or praise
- praise signifies a hierarchical relationship
- praise is manipulation
- adler encourages horizontal relationships. people are equal but not the same
- intervention is invading on others tasks
- it is manipulation
- instead take the encouragement approach
- when one is not following through with one’s tasks it is not because they lack ability. instead they lack confidence
- they must recover that lost courage thus they need encouragement
- when one is not following through with one’s tasks it is not because they lack ability. instead they lack confidence
- the more one is praised the more they believe they lack ability
- praise is judgement passed from a person with ability to a person without ability
- praise signifies a hierarchical relationship
- how to feel you have value
- adlerian psychology focuses on contribution. saying thank you indicates worth to other people
- helping others is where you find value
- avoid hierarchical relationships at all costs
- there is space to refuse your boss
- not self affirmation self acceptance
- self acceptance allows people to move past what they don’t have and still do it
- self affirmation is i can do it. i have what it takes. leads to superior complex
- boy quotes the serenity prayer from slaughterhouse
- lmao this kid would like this book
- the difference between trust and confidence
- yeah idk if i can buy into this one
- unconditional confidence allows deep relationships
- it’s your task to be confident it’s their task to act morally
- children walk ahead of adults
- they change easier
- it takes half the amt of years one had lived to adapt to adlerian psychology
- workaholism is a life lie
- lacks harmony of life
- you can be happy now
- it takes courage
- how can one be happy?
- for a human being the biggest cause of unhappiness is not liking oneself
- happiness is the feeling of contribution
- the courage to be normal
- life is a series of moments
- line made up of dots
- life planning is not possible or necessary
- life is dancing
- not the most efficient route more of a journey
- the past doesn’t exist
- you can’t see behind or in front of you
- bright light on the here and now makes the past and future dark
- to dim the whole now in hopes of seeing the past and future is a great disservice
- yeah bitch the rest is still unwrite.
yeah this book rocks! love one that makes you think. the first half didn’t even address the title but it was the perfect build up. a wonderful format and the boy avoids becoming a character with a significant backstory (which he does have it’s just lot the focus) but instead a tool of debate along the way. this was wonderful for the audiobook experience
the boy never really conceding along the way is also a smart structure. it forces the reader to argue on behalf of adler.
final thoughts
i liked this book. and the afterword explaining how he came across adlerian psychology was great! i didn’t think it’d be that closely in line with the structure of the book (or that he’d met the philosopher himself!) but it totally explained why he chose it and how he was able to get the dialogue down so well. also neat he talked about making psychology approachable/accessible and wisdom digestible to the laymen. no need for the elitism!!
anywho this book made me think. i liked it