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3.66 AVERAGE
3.66 AVERAGE
imagine literally saying trauma does not exist when there's a huge body of science supporting it actually does exist.
informative
The Courage to be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi - sometimes the universe just drops the book you desperately need to read into your life at the moment of need. In a Socratic manner the psychological teachings of Alfred Adler are divulged in a way that just makes so much sense. Read it if you’re struggling with any relationships in your life whether personal or professional.
Marie Kondo for the soul… but better
Marie Kondo for the soul… but better
adventurous
challenging
informative
reflective
medium-paced
First of all, I did find this to be fascinating, and I have always held the lesser-known psychological theories of Adler in high regard. He was a significant feature of my work on [b:Ixion|205365572|Ixion|Jeremy Neal|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1705251280l/205365572._SY75_.jpg|211385034]. He was perhaps rather overshadowed by Jung and Freud, understandably. The central premise of this work is a good one, that we have to learn how to stop caring about others' opinions of us, if we want to be free to live a fulfilling life. This necessarily involves being able to not just endure being disliked, but to actively become indifferent to it.
As an autistic person, I have had to get used to being disliked. I do not really believe that neurotypical people are remotely aware of their own prejudices toward the neurodivergent, but in my own life, it has always manifested as a kind of suspicion from people who perhaps pick up on my awkward social mechanisms, while not being sensitive enough to make allowances for what they perceive as something being slightly 'off'. Hence I have had to live with being rather marginalised, or set up to be the bad guy by a great many people in my life, despite the fact that they often behave with considerably less integrity than I do. It has always been a hard thing to deal with, because often my feelings towards those people would be unremittingly positive, so there has always been a huge mismatch, which is both painful and disappointing.
Then I went through an experience for nearly a decade where I was actively harassed and denigrated by a large group of people because they objected to my choice of marriage partner. Or some of them objected to my marriage partner's choosing me, but it is all the same, and what I found was that my autistic traits were at times used to 'confirm' their negative assessment of me. All sorts of personal and social defects were employed. My guilelessness for one, and poor boundaries around sharing my beliefs and preoccupations - a common autistic issue with special interests. It's easy to paint an autistic person as being a bit weird. Undoubtedly, this experience changed me, I stopped being open, I stopped blithely sharing my opinions and interests openly, I became withdrawn and for a long time I lost all my positivity and confidence. I had to endure years of character assassination and smearing of my character. I went through a very deep transformative process that was undeniably difficult.
Now I wouldn't want to have this misconstrued as gratitude, for it is anything but, but now, I am glad I went through this experience. It did change me, and for a long time, that change was really hard work. I also believe it made me quite ill, and I am still not fully recovered from it, but I am able to see some positives. I genuinely do not care what people think of me now, unless of course, they are people whom I hold in high regard. I have excellent boundaries around people as well, which I did not have before.
All of which is to say, in a very long-winded way, that I could have made that necessary change, if I had just read this book (although theory is different from practice, so probably I could not have done it). I am able to see people more realistically and take the time to gauge another's authenticity and integrity before opening up to them, and perhaps these neurotypical 'skills' could have been won at a lower cost for me, by reading this.
So, the advice in this book is excellent, in the core of its message. The format however is a little strange as it is set out in the form of a conversation between a master and a student. I will perhaps need to read it again to really absorb the principles, or at least the more subtle ones. Then there is the cultural disconnect of a book that is written by a Japanese author using a western psychological model. I actually rather enjoy the blend since it lends itself to a stoic formulation which I can relate to, but it might not be easy for everyone. Valuable, interesting, occasionally baffling, but definitely worth a read.
As an autistic person, I have had to get used to being disliked. I do not really believe that neurotypical people are remotely aware of their own prejudices toward the neurodivergent, but in my own life, it has always manifested as a kind of suspicion from people who perhaps pick up on my awkward social mechanisms, while not being sensitive enough to make allowances for what they perceive as something being slightly 'off'. Hence I have had to live with being rather marginalised, or set up to be the bad guy by a great many people in my life, despite the fact that they often behave with considerably less integrity than I do. It has always been a hard thing to deal with, because often my feelings towards those people would be unremittingly positive, so there has always been a huge mismatch, which is both painful and disappointing.
Then I went through an experience for nearly a decade where I was actively harassed and denigrated by a large group of people because they objected to my choice of marriage partner. Or some of them objected to my marriage partner's choosing me, but it is all the same, and what I found was that my autistic traits were at times used to 'confirm' their negative assessment of me. All sorts of personal and social defects were employed. My guilelessness for one, and poor boundaries around sharing my beliefs and preoccupations - a common autistic issue with special interests. It's easy to paint an autistic person as being a bit weird. Undoubtedly, this experience changed me, I stopped being open, I stopped blithely sharing my opinions and interests openly, I became withdrawn and for a long time I lost all my positivity and confidence. I had to endure years of character assassination and smearing of my character. I went through a very deep transformative process that was undeniably difficult.
Now I wouldn't want to have this misconstrued as gratitude, for it is anything but, but now, I am glad I went through this experience. It did change me, and for a long time, that change was really hard work. I also believe it made me quite ill, and I am still not fully recovered from it, but I am able to see some positives. I genuinely do not care what people think of me now, unless of course, they are people whom I hold in high regard. I have excellent boundaries around people as well, which I did not have before.
All of which is to say, in a very long-winded way, that I could have made that necessary change, if I had just read this book (although theory is different from practice, so probably I could not have done it). I am able to see people more realistically and take the time to gauge another's authenticity and integrity before opening up to them, and perhaps these neurotypical 'skills' could have been won at a lower cost for me, by reading this.
So, the advice in this book is excellent, in the core of its message. The format however is a little strange as it is set out in the form of a conversation between a master and a student. I will perhaps need to read it again to really absorb the principles, or at least the more subtle ones. Then there is the cultural disconnect of a book that is written by a Japanese author using a western psychological model. I actually rather enjoy the blend since it lends itself to a stoic formulation which I can relate to, but it might not be easy for everyone. Valuable, interesting, occasionally baffling, but definitely worth a read.
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
informative
medium-paced
informative
reflective
slow-paced
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
slow-paced
Note: More of a philosophy book than a self-help book.