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2.75k reviews for:
The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter—And How to Make the Most of Them Now
Meg Jay
3.93 AVERAGE
2.75k reviews for:
The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter—And How to Make the Most of Them Now
Meg Jay
3.93 AVERAGE
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
fast-paced
I picked up this book thinking I won’t learn much– I have a well-paying job, a comfy apartment, and a hobby that keeps me busy outside of work. In a traditional sense I’ve been “doing it right.” However Dr. Jay’s book contained things about your 20s, and inadvertently 30/40s, that I never even considered before. I recommend everyone to pick up the book. Especially if you’re in your 20s, but it’s also worth reading beyond those years when you need a bit of help deciding on a new direction to steer your life.
A must read for Anyone in their 20s - makes you wanna get up and make something of yourself! I found this so helpful and eye opening
A terrific book - I imagine of utmost use to people who are in their 20’s whilst reading it, but as. 50-something who is the parent of a mid-20, and a teacher and colleague of young people, this is enormously interesting, positive and helpful. I reflected on my younger self - felt glad that I made some smart choices, relieved that life gave me the right opportunity at the right time, and thoughtful when confronted with bad thinking/planning that I still carry now. I took it out of the library, but I think I need to own it for future reference.
“You are defining your life right now,” writes author Meg Jay, PhD. This is a scary statement, this call to intentionality in this weird decade between adolescence and solid adulthood. But wow, what a wake up call. Jay argues over and over again against the fallacy that our twenties don’t matter, that they’re some kind of freebie. “There is a big difference between having a life in your thirties and starting a life in your thirties,” she says. And after reading, I can’t help but see that this is true.
There’s that proverb that goes, “take care of the minutes and the years will take care of themselves.” This book speaks directly to the fact that we need to get a move on now if we want our “then” to look a certain way - and we need to get serious with ourselves now about what we want “then” to look like.
Intentionality with our life is key. These years aren’t freebies, or trial runs. What we do now, in work, in love, in faith, in our spare time, these things determine the rest of our lives in this decade that offers just as much, if not more, neuroplasticity and susceptibility/opportunity for change and growth as our toddler years.
Long story short, I will be recommending this book to every twentysomething I know. This book isn’t in my normal wheelhouse, but it is going to be sticking with me for years to come.
There’s that proverb that goes, “take care of the minutes and the years will take care of themselves.” This book speaks directly to the fact that we need to get a move on now if we want our “then” to look a certain way - and we need to get serious with ourselves now about what we want “then” to look like.
Intentionality with our life is key. These years aren’t freebies, or trial runs. What we do now, in work, in love, in faith, in our spare time, these things determine the rest of our lives in this decade that offers just as much, if not more, neuroplasticity and susceptibility/opportunity for change and growth as our toddler years.
Long story short, I will be recommending this book to every twentysomething I know. This book isn’t in my normal wheelhouse, but it is going to be sticking with me for years to come.
I read this book after it was heavily recommended by the internet for twentysomethings who feel lost in life. It is written by a therapist who works heavily with those in their 20s and lives to counteract the notion that “30s are the new 20s”
i’m gonna bullet point from here on cause it’s easier lol
- started off strong, the career advice was SOO good. really pushed me to spend time applying to jobs I actually was excited to do rather than jobs that my parents liked.
- i really loved the idea of identity capital. it really helped me sign up for stuff that will make me grow even if it’s just for the plot
- the relationship advice was ok?? def not super applicable to 21 year olds, prob more for people 25+
- honestly the author, for being a gender studies phd person, was super heteronormative and kinda settled for traditional models. which i think her point was that, a lot of us will actually do really well marrying by 26 and having a kid at 30 and to not knock that lifestyle unless you completely know you don’t want it! but there was almost nothing life changing about these parts.
- the one relationship advice i LOVED (which is applicable to everything) was about trying to be the person you are wanting to be, not the person you wanted to be. for example, if in high school you weren’t the most popular or sexually active, the answer isn’t to compensate later — especially because later you’re more likely to want a longterm partner, so to instead shift your efforts to finding someone. this was huge for me because i def use dating apps mostly for entertainment but im always like “oh i don’t want to actually date someone from one tho!” so i actually shouldn’t be using them at all!!
- the parts on technology were great but again, not super life changing. did motivate me to delete social media off my phone tho and now im trying to think of ways to stay engaged in peoples life but without instagram? (so if you have ideas please lmk)
- i love that she started her chapter on babies with like “if you know you don’t want kids, skip this. if you’re curious, start it and you can always skip later” and i started it, felt mostly bored and uninterested in the idea of kids so i just skipped ahead!
- the epilogue was LOVELY! only like 2 pages long but really summarized the narrative “will things work out for me?” “you haven’t decided yet”
anywho, took awhile cause it was boring at times. but if anyone wants to read it, lmk and ill ship it to you!
i’m gonna bullet point from here on cause it’s easier lol
- started off strong, the career advice was SOO good. really pushed me to spend time applying to jobs I actually was excited to do rather than jobs that my parents liked.
- i really loved the idea of identity capital. it really helped me sign up for stuff that will make me grow even if it’s just for the plot
- the relationship advice was ok?? def not super applicable to 21 year olds, prob more for people 25+
- honestly the author, for being a gender studies phd person, was super heteronormative and kinda settled for traditional models. which i think her point was that, a lot of us will actually do really well marrying by 26 and having a kid at 30 and to not knock that lifestyle unless you completely know you don’t want it! but there was almost nothing life changing about these parts.
- the one relationship advice i LOVED (which is applicable to everything) was about trying to be the person you are wanting to be, not the person you wanted to be. for example, if in high school you weren’t the most popular or sexually active, the answer isn’t to compensate later — especially because later you’re more likely to want a longterm partner, so to instead shift your efforts to finding someone. this was huge for me because i def use dating apps mostly for entertainment but im always like “oh i don’t want to actually date someone from one tho!” so i actually shouldn’t be using them at all!!
- the parts on technology were great but again, not super life changing. did motivate me to delete social media off my phone tho and now im trying to think of ways to stay engaged in peoples life but without instagram? (so if you have ideas please lmk)
- i love that she started her chapter on babies with like “if you know you don’t want kids, skip this. if you’re curious, start it and you can always skip later” and i started it, felt mostly bored and uninterested in the idea of kids so i just skipped ahead!
- the epilogue was LOVELY! only like 2 pages long but really summarized the narrative “will things work out for me?” “you haven’t decided yet”
anywho, took awhile cause it was boring at times. but if anyone wants to read it, lmk and ill ship it to you!
really good but has got me sufficiently stressed about fertility
"The Defining Decade" is a powerful and eye-opening book that emphasizes how crucial our twenties are in shaping the rest of our lives. Jay argues that this decade is not just a time to figure things out, but a pivotal period for building a solid foundation in both personal and professional aspects. With a mix of research, real-life stories, and practical advice, this book offers clear guidance on how to make the most of these formative years. A must-read for anyone in their twenties looking to take charge of their future and make intentional, meaningful choices.
informative
medium-paced
informative
Scarily informative! This is a great wake up call for 20 somethings
The messages in this book weren’t necessarily new to me - but the way Meg Jay told them packs an extra punch. Really recommend it, and would consider it required reading for those developing their frontal lobes.