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2.75k reviews for:
The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter—And How to Make the Most of Them Now
Meg Jay
3.93 AVERAGE
2.75k reviews for:
The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter—And How to Make the Most of Them Now
Meg Jay
3.93 AVERAGE
This was one of the most condescending and irrelevant books I've ever read. This book may be helpful if you're a very privileged person in your early twenties who's living off your parents or not really moving towards any real goals in your life, but I think this is a very small subset of people in our world right now. The author is a psychologist who acts as if she knows what's best for her clients and this was so disgusting to me. She lacks any awareness of alternative relationship styles and acts as if everyone wants or should want the same things out of life. I think this book was an utter waste of time and would not recommend it to anyone.
An absolutely amazing book for 20somethings. A book you may want to read twice because the first read through is mind blowing and overloading, but the second time you are really able to apply it and use in your current life.
challenging
hopeful
informative
reflective
slow-paced
I tried reading this book before and DNF. Second time around, I tried being more open to what the author is saying. She has good points, yet societal context seems left out of her arguments sometimes. Overall, a helpful book for a 20-something figuring out what they want if you can apply the advice as it applies to your life.
love love love love love this. very important. i recommend this a lot.
challenging
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
informative
fast-paced
i genuinely did not like this book. it basically does not question any of the social norms that might be making people unhappy, and i feel it also relies heavily upon anecdotes. jay seems to look down on people who are not working office jobs by implying that they’re avoiding adulthood, then also seems to say that romantic love is something we all need to strive for or we’ll be unhappy, then also spends an entire chapter warning that fertility for women drops off after your twenties so you best be thinking about babies now! also wild that one of her clients was suffering an abusive work environment and this therapist’s take on this was “you’re in your twenties so you’re more anxious than you need to be about criticism. also stick with this job because it’s your dream to work in this industry”?
summary
summary
- work: building “identity capital” is important in your twenties. i.e., it’s important to have some sort of story set up such that the job you’re applying to makes sense as the next step of your story. working as an intern at an animation studio builds identity capital. working as a barista doesn’t.
- weak ties are not to be underestimated. because they tend to be more different from you than your immediate circle, they have access to opportunities you don’t
- people in their twenties think they have infinite options and struggle to choose one. that’s untrue; most people have very limited options that are actually viable (likes and qualifications)
- dating: choosing the right person to marry is one of the most important predictors of happiness. author basically urges us to be intentional about dating and seek someone who is compatible so you don’t get involved with someone incompatible over a long period of time out of convenience. mentions that couples who cohabitate before marriage are more likely to divorce due to lower likelihood of being committed/intentional about the relationship. mentions the big five and that neuroticism is a bad sign in relationships and matching on the various personality traits in the big 5 is a good sign.
- neurodevelopment: author says that people in their twenties are developing their prefrontal cortex (responsible for logical and forward thinking). in your twenties criticism seems like a big deal and you may struggle to think ahead.
- author also wants to warn us that having a baby after 35 is hard.
3.5 stars. I think this book is meant for those without any direction in their life or sense of purpose. Me being the planner i am, none of this surprised me and i feel like im already following a lot of this. Good reminders for sure, especially about the use of social media and love. It kind of fear mongers too though, it scared me into thinking i need to have kids asap if i want kids.
Though I can’t give this a 5 because it did take me awhile to get through, it was really an enjoyable read. Jay gives a lot of valuable insight in how to reframe your 20s so they’re productive towards our life goals rather than this weird limbo period - which is how my 20s have felt so far.
I don’t feel quite as lost as I did before, and I hope that I can continue to find comfort and ideas for how to reframe the next 5 years.
I don’t feel quite as lost as I did before, and I hope that I can continue to find comfort and ideas for how to reframe the next 5 years.
informative
medium-paced
fast-paced