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2.76k reviews for:
The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter—And How to Make the Most of Them Now
Meg Jay
3.93 AVERAGE
2.76k reviews for:
The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter—And How to Make the Most of Them Now
Meg Jay
3.93 AVERAGE
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
This book is very good at explaining life....to twenty somethings. My three star rating is not fair, I know, but to me, someone much older, the book only told me what I already know. Bought for my high school and college age children on the recommendation of some twentysomethings at work, I can’t get them to read it. I do agree with my coworkers that the book might help my kids find direction, if only to be a different voice from mom and dad lectures. It is well written and through anecdotes and research studies makes its point perfectly.
I’ll revisit this review and maybe up the star rating if my kids get to it and it makes a difference with them. As it is I can incorporate some of the info into those dreaded dad lectures.
I’ll revisit this review and maybe up the star rating if my kids get to it and it makes a difference with them. As it is I can incorporate some of the info into those dreaded dad lectures.
I spend my days creating programs to connect students at a liberal arts college to their futures. I chose this book as a group read for my staff. I had read it about 5 years back, and from what I recalled it was a good foundation for helping students start to think sensibly about future. I also had an ulterior motive: more than half of my staff is under 30, and I thought there was helpful information for a couple of them. The group read meeting is Friday, so we will see how that went. In any event, I re-read the book to lead the discussion and the career section really held up. At least a 4-star. The rest though, was not good.
Pros
The concept of identity capital is so important, and it is something no one pays attention to. I am not just talking about students, but parents as well. I will scream if I hear one more report of a parent advising their kids to take jobs that have nothing to do with the professional profile the student wants to build. "No", the parent says. "Take the job that pays the most," the parent says. Young people should look for the job where they will build skills and contacts worth something. I fully understand that students have loans to pay, but assuming both positions have a base salary that will pay loans and keep the new grad fed and clothed, this is terrible thinking. Living in a crap-hole for a few years never killed anyone when it is in the service of growth and success. Forsaking cable or Spotify premium and eating in will be good for you. Students need to be aware of the value of what they are doing to their future plans. If the communications grad can get a job in marketing in a nonprofit for $13 an hour and a job at Starbucks for $16 an hour and it is possible for them to live on the lower amount, the choice is clear. Thank you Dr. Jay for saying so.
Another pro, the focus on doing something rather than doing nothing. Doing nothing is only a good thing if it is a restorative rest between doing things. Doing something doesn't have to be a traditional job, but it has to be something from which you grow.
The value of loose ties is also something most people (of any age and depth of experience) most often do not understand. Loose ties make the world go round. A good network is what gives you flexibility and mobility, and is the thing that connects you to everything of import in your professional community. The vast majority of the time you can work hard, be great at your job, and without the network your career will not thrive. This is verifiable fact. Also, creating a broad network hinged mostly on loose ties can be fun, but you have to do the awkward and hard parts to get to that. Again, delayed gratification -- its something about which we have lost sight of the value and we need to get back there.
Cons
The whole section of the book that is about love is riddled with appalling assumptions. The assumption that everyone wants to get married is absurd. Worse yet, the section on fertility. You do not need to have babies ever, and certainly not before you are 30. I was so angry when I read all of this. The ultra-traditional hetero-gender-normative advice isn't based on social or biological science. It is anti-LGBT, anti-feminist, anti-rural, and racist. It drips with that special brand of upper-middle class suburban condescension that marginalizes the experiences and goals of nearly everyone in America. I say this as an upper-middle-class ,, white straight cis-gendered city-girl who went to law school, got married and had my healthy baby. This is not defensive, its objectively that bad.
So read the first and last section, skip the middle, and this is pretty darn worthwhile.
Pros
The concept of identity capital is so important, and it is something no one pays attention to. I am not just talking about students, but parents as well. I will scream if I hear one more report of a parent advising their kids to take jobs that have nothing to do with the professional profile the student wants to build. "No", the parent says. "Take the job that pays the most," the parent says. Young people should look for the job where they will build skills and contacts worth something. I fully understand that students have loans to pay, but assuming both positions have a base salary that will pay loans and keep the new grad fed and clothed, this is terrible thinking. Living in a crap-hole for a few years never killed anyone when it is in the service of growth and success. Forsaking cable or Spotify premium and eating in will be good for you. Students need to be aware of the value of what they are doing to their future plans. If the communications grad can get a job in marketing in a nonprofit for $13 an hour and a job at Starbucks for $16 an hour and it is possible for them to live on the lower amount, the choice is clear. Thank you Dr. Jay for saying so.
Another pro, the focus on doing something rather than doing nothing. Doing nothing is only a good thing if it is a restorative rest between doing things. Doing something doesn't have to be a traditional job, but it has to be something from which you grow.
The value of loose ties is also something most people (of any age and depth of experience) most often do not understand. Loose ties make the world go round. A good network is what gives you flexibility and mobility, and is the thing that connects you to everything of import in your professional community. The vast majority of the time you can work hard, be great at your job, and without the network your career will not thrive. This is verifiable fact. Also, creating a broad network hinged mostly on loose ties can be fun, but you have to do the awkward and hard parts to get to that. Again, delayed gratification -- its something about which we have lost sight of the value and we need to get back there.
Cons
The whole section of the book that is about love is riddled with appalling assumptions. The assumption that everyone wants to get married is absurd. Worse yet, the section on fertility. You do not need to have babies ever, and certainly not before you are 30. I was so angry when I read all of this. The ultra-traditional hetero-gender-normative advice isn't based on social or biological science. It is anti-LGBT, anti-feminist, anti-rural, and racist. It drips with that special brand of upper-middle class suburban condescension that marginalizes the experiences and goals of nearly everyone in America. I say this as an upper-middle-class ,, white straight cis-gendered city-girl who went to law school, got married and had my healthy baby. This is not defensive, its objectively that bad.
So read the first and last section, skip the middle, and this is pretty darn worthwhile.
Books find a way to come into your life at just the right time.
informative
inspiring
medium-paced
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
it falls a little short from my expectations cause it’s only about conventional way of living. i don’t condone it but it’s not something i’d like to live like.
This book definitely challenged some of my perceptions about age and what planning for the future can look like.
could’ve been good until she started telling women they’re running out of time to have babies??????
challenging
informative
reflective
fast-paced