Reviews with content warning for Domestic abuse - Στο σπίτι των ονείρων

Well-written, but I went in blind (book club book) and the events detailed in this book are perfect mixture of my worst nightmares that I would prefer not to relive. If DV, toxic poly situationships, or same-sex DV are any of your triggers I would not recommend you read this book.

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dark emotional informative reflective sad tense medium-paced

5.0

I haven't consumed many memoirs, but I believe I won't come across another quite like this. Carmen Maria Machado turned her sorrow into a tour de force.

I was fortunate to have a father who educated me on the indications of toxic and abusive behaviors when I was young. He had experience working with recovering abusive individuals during his time as a counselor. While it was not a pleasant task, it shed light on the signs and strategies of abusers very vividly. Consequently, when he had a daughter, he made sure she not only recognized the signs but understood them so well that a literal red flag would appear in the form of a visceral nagging in her gut. In spite of that fact, I must confess being raised as a seemingly heterosexual girl who didn’t outwardly debut her queerness until her early 20s, I wasn't initially attuned to identifying these signs in women, as they were more obvious and immediately noticeable in cisgender men. This hindsight is a theme that Machando explores throughout the book.

While the preparation couldn't fully protect me from experiencing the blunt of toxic situations as a whole, it certainly better equipped me and for that I am grateful. Having that advantage, it was evident that not everyone was as fortunate. I shared my thoughts and evaluations with my friends when they would come to me but the realization is something one must come to by theirselves, all you can do is be there for them and let them know your priority is their happiness and safety, that they are not alone, that they deserve better.

“In the Dream House,” provides a beautifully devastating insight into the emotional and phycological break down of ones worth when hurt by the person who claims to love you. Moreover, it investigates the broader societal implications of abuse within the queer community, highlighting the disparity in significance between verbal/emotional/psychological abuse in comparison to physical, and the systems invented to further isolate, eliminate, and diminish the experiences of the victims. Machado uses references from media, legal proceedings, folklore, and fiction to illuminate the complexities of domestic abuse and its many loopholes that perpetuate archival silence and enable abusers, especially in more marginalized communities.

*Spoilers*

There were numerous warning signs that turned - rot and keeled over - into the mind-numbing repetitive convention of Carmen’s reality: the Dream House Girl normalizing her behavior by telling Carmen, “this is what it’s like to date a woman,” yelling and belittling Carmen at the slightest opportunity. The rage, the excessive calls and texts, the insistence on her time, the separation from friends and support, the danger of abandoning Carmen in unknown places, the elaborate and impractical scenarios and expectations set by Dream House Girl only to shift blame to Carmen when things don’t go smoothly (because, how could they?), the unfounded jealous implications, the bruised wrists, the chasing, the throwing of objects, the convenient memory lapses the following day ... or hour, the grand commitments, the unfulfilled promises, and the hypocritical deceit...

Ultimately, Carmen's freedom stems from Dream House Girl’s inability to break her own cycle of mistreating her partners, cheating, and repeating the same behavior with the person she cheated with. While Carmen experiences a sense of liberation from (final) the break up, she also grapples with the dissonance and numbness that follows, along with the subsequent realizations, losses, and repercussions to her psyche.

Fortunately, Machado has some incredible friends, and it was truly heartwarming to witness the final chapters brimming with her support system. Emphasizing just how important these figures are, especially when you’ve lost all sense of being, of hope. (Dream House as Mr. Dalloway)

The entire book presented thought-provoking passages and insightful ideas, but here are a few sections that stood out for me:

Dream House as Noir
Dream House as Queer Villainy
Dream House as Bluebeard
Dream House as American Gothic
Dream House as Fantasy
Dream House as Epiphany
Dream House as Ambiguity
Dream House as Equivocation
Dream House as Public Relations
Dream House as Cliche

Now, the writing techniques and choices that blew me away:

Machado's "Choose Your Own Adventure" segment was incredibly impactful and ingenious. I admired how it immersed the reader in the complexities of the inflicted dynamics, the patterns of abuse, the limited choices all leading to the same result, the urge to explore alternative paths only to face harsh realities, making it feel, truely, inescapable. The beauty in the section about envisioning the future left me yearning for that possibility for her.

Machado also tactfully utilizes point of view to engage readers, and more importantly, express the duality of the person she was before and after against the person she was during her abuse. Using “I” and “you,” to reflect the moments she felt like herself and the moment’s she felt dissociated and detached. This technique allows her to reflect on painful experiences safely while evoking empathy from readers, reminding them that similar situations could affect anyone, even themselves. Additionally, it symbolizes her wounded inner dialogue, heavily influenced by the Dream House Girl, which became ingrained in her mind as truth.

An examples of this:

After picking up and accidentally dropping a snail, she thinks, “I was horrified at the monstrosity of my mistake – the pure, unbridled thoughtlessness of it. I’d come all the way to this island to write a book about suffering, and you did something terrible to a resident of the island who’s done no harm” pg. 92

Then, in the final pages of the book, a more gentle and healing aspect of this separation is revealed:

“I wished everything had this much clarity. I wished I had always lived in this body, and you could have lived here with me, and I could have told you it’s all right, it’s going to be all right.” ... “My tale goes only to here; it ends, and the wind carries it to you” pg 242

The concluding quote captivatingly and eloquently demonstrates the three attributes of this change in viewpoint. The "I" symbolizes her healing self, the one she wishes to reveal and extend to "you.” “You” who represents her past self in pain, as well as others who have faced similar challenges and require reassurance that they are not alone and that things can improve; there is hope on the other side. "You" deserve better, and let "I" symbolize that truth.

A masterful memoir, please read it!

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cancerousblush's review against another edition

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challenging dark informative reflective fast-paced

4.5

Interesting format that really puts a spin on how memoirs can be an archive in different aspects

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