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myrtle13's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
tense
slow-paced
4.75
heikieesmaa's review against another edition
5.0
Tales of the therapists theories failing him but the patients improving regardless.
megan3223's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
4.25
bittersweet_symphony's review against another edition
4.0
Yalom casts light into the shadows of the psychotherapist's room--they are human. Psychotherapists are judging you, reacting to you, and dealing with their own issues, ones caused by their interactions with you. 'Love's Executioner' is a collection of case studies which read like riveting psychological tales, letting us inside the intimate thoughts of 10 people and Dr. Yalom's journey to help them heal as he experiences his own growth. He approaches human flourishing from an existential tradition whose explanation is beter communicated through story than philosophical treatise: "I continued to develop new ideas about the utilization of these existential concerns in therapy, but gradually came to the conclusion that such ideas are best expressed through the narrative form. It did not escape me that the ideas of some of the most important existential thinkers--for example, Camus and Sartre--are most vivid and compelling in their stories and novels rather than in technical philosophic works."
Although I have found the field of CBT to be one of the most convincing methods for emotional regeneration, Yalom's approach is refreshing. His take on the talking cure is a deep, calming breath of air amid the sterile observations made by neuroscience, or the multitudinous side effects caused by over-medicating. His approach is grounded on the four givens of existence: "the inevitability of death for each of us; the freedom to make our lives as we will; our ultimate aloneness; and, finally, the absence of any obvious meaning or sense to life." This directness may scary away some, but he asserts a hope that "in these ten tales of psychotherapy, that it is possible to confront the truths of existence and harness their power in the service of personal growth and change."
He highlights a truth I have cherished since reading 'Tuesdays with Morrie' or 'The 5 Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die.' Wisdom grows from a complete understanding and acceptance of death, thus enriching our lives and those around us. Death is a great teacher, one we anxiously fight to ignore, and when upon facing its enlightening face, we wish we could experience the insight sooner and more frequently. Most of us only get a couple opportunities to truly meet death and come back from it with a chance to live more abundantly. Seeing a few of my close friends and family die, or spending a couple days at a time consciously focusing my mind on my impending death have been very fruitful in giving me perspective. Good existential psychotherapy attempts to do that.
Anybody familiar with psychotherapy will recognize his employment of terms like the-here-and-now, transference, counter-transference, existence pain, projection, and repression. He closes his prologue with another truism I still find compelling which hearkens back to Viktor Frankl's book 'Man's Search for Meaning.' Yalom states that "the search for meaning, much like the search for pleasure, must be conducted obliquely. Meaning ensues from meaningful activity: the more we deliberately pursue it, the less likely are we to find it; the rational questions one can pose about meaning will always outlast the answers. In therapy, as in life, meaningfulness is a by-product of engagement and commitment, and that is where the therapists must direct their efforts--not that the engagement provides the rational answer to questions of meaning, but it causes these questions not to matter."
These stories are for therapist and patient alike--all of us who must confront the 4 givens of existence. I was happy to be moved by some of the dialogue between Yalom and his clients, and to gain insights into my own existence pains. Yalom writes cleverly, with warmth and honestly, even if at times his unspoken judgments about his patients are harsh or unkind. He is human, thus capable of helping others heal. He makes a convincing case for why relationships must be at the heart of long-lasting improvement and flowering.
Love's Executioner helped me feel, reconsider a few changes in my life, and stroked my intellect at the same time. I recommend this book to anybody who finds themselves confronted with the view that life has no inherent meaning, or that it cannot be understood in any reasonable or rational terms--attempting to do so is a futile effort which strips us of the rich experiences life can offer. Do not grasp for meaning with rationality, but feel for it in activities which cause you to feel alive--particularly relationships. Take a leap into the void!
I tend to agree with Yalom that a good life can be lived without any absolute or ultimate meaning. At present, I am still more enticed by Eastern thought--which seems in opposition with much of Yalom's thought--but for a western offering for how one can obtain fulfillment in life, I believe Yalom serves up a rather satisfying choice.
Although I have found the field of CBT to be one of the most convincing methods for emotional regeneration, Yalom's approach is refreshing. His take on the talking cure is a deep, calming breath of air amid the sterile observations made by neuroscience, or the multitudinous side effects caused by over-medicating. His approach is grounded on the four givens of existence: "the inevitability of death for each of us; the freedom to make our lives as we will; our ultimate aloneness; and, finally, the absence of any obvious meaning or sense to life." This directness may scary away some, but he asserts a hope that "in these ten tales of psychotherapy, that it is possible to confront the truths of existence and harness their power in the service of personal growth and change."
He highlights a truth I have cherished since reading 'Tuesdays with Morrie' or 'The 5 Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die.' Wisdom grows from a complete understanding and acceptance of death, thus enriching our lives and those around us. Death is a great teacher, one we anxiously fight to ignore, and when upon facing its enlightening face, we wish we could experience the insight sooner and more frequently. Most of us only get a couple opportunities to truly meet death and come back from it with a chance to live more abundantly. Seeing a few of my close friends and family die, or spending a couple days at a time consciously focusing my mind on my impending death have been very fruitful in giving me perspective. Good existential psychotherapy attempts to do that.
Anybody familiar with psychotherapy will recognize his employment of terms like the-here-and-now, transference, counter-transference, existence pain, projection, and repression. He closes his prologue with another truism I still find compelling which hearkens back to Viktor Frankl's book 'Man's Search for Meaning.' Yalom states that "the search for meaning, much like the search for pleasure, must be conducted obliquely. Meaning ensues from meaningful activity: the more we deliberately pursue it, the less likely are we to find it; the rational questions one can pose about meaning will always outlast the answers. In therapy, as in life, meaningfulness is a by-product of engagement and commitment, and that is where the therapists must direct their efforts--not that the engagement provides the rational answer to questions of meaning, but it causes these questions not to matter."
These stories are for therapist and patient alike--all of us who must confront the 4 givens of existence. I was happy to be moved by some of the dialogue between Yalom and his clients, and to gain insights into my own existence pains. Yalom writes cleverly, with warmth and honestly, even if at times his unspoken judgments about his patients are harsh or unkind. He is human, thus capable of helping others heal. He makes a convincing case for why relationships must be at the heart of long-lasting improvement and flowering.
Love's Executioner helped me feel, reconsider a few changes in my life, and stroked my intellect at the same time. I recommend this book to anybody who finds themselves confronted with the view that life has no inherent meaning, or that it cannot be understood in any reasonable or rational terms--attempting to do so is a futile effort which strips us of the rich experiences life can offer. Do not grasp for meaning with rationality, but feel for it in activities which cause you to feel alive--particularly relationships. Take a leap into the void!
I tend to agree with Yalom that a good life can be lived without any absolute or ultimate meaning. At present, I am still more enticed by Eastern thought--which seems in opposition with much of Yalom's thought--but for a western offering for how one can obtain fulfillment in life, I believe Yalom serves up a rather satisfying choice.
calebmatthews's review against another edition
3.0
An interesting book, but Yalom’s forward approaches and judgement were not okay in my opinion. It was still nice to see what therapy looks like in a narrative form.
Love’s Executioner
The givens of life
-The inevitability of death for each of us and for those we love
-the freedom to make our lives as we will
-our ultimate aloneness
-the absence of any obvious meaning or sense to life
A crucial first step in therapy is the patients assumption of responsibility for his or her life predicament. As long as one believe that their problems are caused by some force or agency outside oneself, there is no leverage in therapy.
Thelma and her therapist Matthew - she continues to see him once a month following therapy
Wise madness or foolish sanity
If rape were legal… - part honest or easy honest
Fat shaming
“Another boring session” — yikes
“Refusing to watch the sunrise because you hate to see it set”
Setting a termination date leading to higher efficacy in therapy
If something big in relationships isn’t talked about then nothing else of important will be either
if you lose child you lose the future
Do not go gentle chapter - never take away anything- if you have nothing better to offer
Yalom saying the purpose of therapy
Two smiles - she kills a dog!
Nietzche - our first impressions are closest to truth
Threshold of a psychotic patient - helping them care for themselves shifts into safety planning
Letters and leaving 50 in will
Turning a dream from past tense to present tense
Paradox
One year follow up session
For: people studying existential psychotherapy in a narrative format
Yalom learning to type via space invader game
He forgets the endings
Love’s Executioner
The givens of life
-The inevitability of death for each of us and for those we love
-the freedom to make our lives as we will
-our ultimate aloneness
-the absence of any obvious meaning or sense to life
A crucial first step in therapy is the patients assumption of responsibility for his or her life predicament. As long as one believe that their problems are caused by some force or agency outside oneself, there is no leverage in therapy.
Thelma and her therapist Matthew - she continues to see him once a month following therapy
Wise madness or foolish sanity
If rape were legal… - part honest or easy honest
Fat shaming
“Another boring session” — yikes
“Refusing to watch the sunrise because you hate to see it set”
Setting a termination date leading to higher efficacy in therapy
If something big in relationships isn’t talked about then nothing else of important will be either
if you lose child you lose the future
Do not go gentle chapter - never take away anything- if you have nothing better to offer
Yalom saying the purpose of therapy
Two smiles - she kills a dog!
Nietzche - our first impressions are closest to truth
Threshold of a psychotic patient - helping them care for themselves shifts into safety planning
Letters and leaving 50 in will
Turning a dream from past tense to present tense
Paradox
One year follow up session
For: people studying existential psychotherapy in a narrative format
Yalom learning to type via space invader game
He forgets the endings
mc_kenna's review against another edition
This author is a misogynistic sexist prick!! And SO INCREDIBLY UNETHICAL! I am astounded and disgusted that he has gained such notoriety
mouseyness's review against another edition
challenging
hopeful
reflective
medium-paced
2.75
his disgust of fat people and general objectification of women was distracting and disturbing. he thanks god that his patients are unaware of his horrible judgements of them, but they must've read the book after it was published? I guess I kinda have to respect him for his brutal and shameful honesty in this book, but I worry it could turn people away from being vulnerable in therapy, or even starting therapy at all. also encouraging a woman to put down her dog was a choice. the only part that really stuck with me was the opening of the first chapter and the book's namesake - "love and psychotherapy are fundamentally incompatible. the good therapist fights darkness and seeks illumination, while romantic love is sustained by mystery and crumbles upon inspection. I hate to be love's executioner."