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kerrynicole72's review
4.0
This book is really for people experiencing abuse, especially those who may not realize that it is/was abuse but know that something is definitely wrong. I will say there are some biases in this book - such as the default assumption that most abusers are men (maybe this is true?). On the other hand, this book hits many nails straight on the head. I found it very helpful.
mepresley's review
challenging
hopeful
informative
reflective
slow-paced
4.0
I don't think I actually did finish this one, but I got pretty close, and it was very helpful, if biased from the perspective of Bancroft's own perspective/ profession/ profit margins. Seriously a useful book as long as you understand that Bancroft's assertion that abuse and mental illness are separate things is true and not true at the same time. Worth reading alongside other books on a mental health journey, especially if you want to engage in active written reflection. Lots of exercises in this one.
Some of them honestly pretty overwhelming, depending on the stage that you are at in processing whatever trauma/ grief you have within your relationship, and whatever trauma/ grief brought you to that relationship. I also think it was this book the suggested to me the concept of the "Rachel," a friend who stays in an abusive relationship and knows that's a burden on her friends so seeks to make herself less heavy in all her interactions. I really hated this concept and found it harmful, but I'm not into the concept that one flaw destroys the value of a text.
Like I said, it was difficult and a work-book style text, and I still managed to make it almost all the way to the end.
Some of them honestly pretty overwhelming, depending on the stage that you are at in processing whatever trauma/ grief you have within your relationship, and whatever trauma/ grief brought you to that relationship. I also think it was this book the suggested to me the concept of the "Rachel," a friend who stays in an abusive relationship and knows that's a burden on her friends so seeks to make herself less heavy in all her interactions. I really hated this concept and found it harmful, but I'm not into the concept that one flaw destroys the value of a text.
Like I said, it was difficult and a work-book style text, and I still managed to make it almost all the way to the end.
diadaily's review
5.0
I needed this badly in 2015. Bancroft writes with such compassion and empathy for women, and he really understands the power dynamics in society that we're up against. I'll be so disappointed if he turns out to be a sexpest like Michael Kimmel. All the men giving this 2 star reviews and whining "it's not baaaaalllaaaaannnnced," you're telling on yourself. You're definitely one of these trash-ass men Bancroft is writing about, and I hope your partners are safe!
lilsuccubus's review
1.25
After months of struggling to read this book, I gave up around 1/3 in. Maybe I'm just not the correct demographic, since I left my abuser many months ago. Perhaps this book has more worth to someone who is being mistreated by their partner but doesn't understand what is happening. Although there are some sentences and passages with good insight, overall I find it hard to believe Lundy Bancroft had much involvement in writing this book; his main famous work is so much better than this. This book is missing references where they would make a difference. The exercises are extremely cringey. The book overall is disorganized and horribly topical/shallow. It starts to get confusing and more poorly written after about the first hundred pages. I just would not recommend this book to anyone. Read Bancroft's book "Why Does He Do That?" instead.