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rachel_abby_reads's review
5.0
This lecture series was recommended to me by a mentor at work. It was transformational in my relationship with one of my kids. Though the speaker is focusing on marital relationships, the concepts can easily be applied to any relationship, any communication scenario.
He's speaking to an LDS audience, and his reliance on scripture and the words of prophets increases as the lecture series progresses. I perceived it as a desire to preempt attempts by members to justify resentment, anger, etc by using scriptural passages, but people who are resistant to LDS language or culture might have a hard time looking through those elements to the core concepts he's supporting.
Core concepts:
Be a content communicator: don't hint about what you want and get offended when someone doesn't read the hint accurately. It doesn't mean that they don't care; it means they don't speak hints in the same way. Don't say yes when you mean no, and if you want someone to help in the kitchen (Rachel), say so; don't wait for someone to volunteer and become offended if they don't.
Own your expectations: told my husband I want flowers for my birthday. I'll remind him again the week of. He can choose whatever he likes, but I'd like him to buy and bring me flowers. And now he knows. I told my daughter I wanted to connect with her and had no idea how; she taught me how she wants to receive criticism and has made more of an effort to reach out to me.
Learn your love language and that of your person: We all understand and express love in different ways. We all want affection, acceptance, and appreciation. Knowing how your spouse or child or friend needs to receive it, as well as how they express it (and vice versa) can save a lot of pain.
Giving and accepting criticism: As adults, we need to be able to communicate with one another as equals. We know how to be kids (may I, can I) and we know how to be parents (you need, you must, you ought), but neither of these is appropriate in a relationship of equals. There, it needs to be "It would mean a lot to me, I would appreciate it if. . . " Criticism needs to be given without anger or tears, and is only offered when the spouse is willing to hear it. ("Honey, I have a criticism/though/concern. May I share it? Is now a good time?")
Conflict resolution: I don't remember a lot from this one, just that it needs to be approached mutually, with love, without emotion, focus on a single issue, and be open to negotiation. It can't be "my way or no way."
Forgiveness: Sooner or later, despite the best intentions of the best of us, we're going to suffer hurt, heartache and sorrow. Forgiveness is the path to peace and healing. He has several tips on forgiveness exercises, leaving judgement to God, and handling toxic personalities (those people who will be critical, who can never be pleased, no matter how carefully we try to meet their expectations).
I found this insightful and brilliant. It will be my wedding gift to all friends and family going forward. I will also revisit this work annually, or more frequently if needed. My family, friends, church community, and work are too important to neglect these important concepts.
He's speaking to an LDS audience, and his reliance on scripture and the words of prophets increases as the lecture series progresses. I perceived it as a desire to preempt attempts by members to justify resentment, anger, etc by using scriptural passages, but people who are resistant to LDS language or culture might have a hard time looking through those elements to the core concepts he's supporting.
Core concepts:
Be a content communicator: don't hint about what you want and get offended when someone doesn't read the hint accurately. It doesn't mean that they don't care; it means they don't speak hints in the same way. Don't say yes when you mean no, and if you want someone to help in the kitchen (Rachel), say so; don't wait for someone to volunteer and become offended if they don't.
Own your expectations: told my husband I want flowers for my birthday. I'll remind him again the week of. He can choose whatever he likes, but I'd like him to buy and bring me flowers. And now he knows. I told my daughter I wanted to connect with her and had no idea how; she taught me how she wants to receive criticism and has made more of an effort to reach out to me.
Learn your love language and that of your person: We all understand and express love in different ways. We all want affection, acceptance, and appreciation. Knowing how your spouse or child or friend needs to receive it, as well as how they express it (and vice versa) can save a lot of pain.
Giving and accepting criticism: As adults, we need to be able to communicate with one another as equals. We know how to be kids (may I, can I) and we know how to be parents (you need, you must, you ought), but neither of these is appropriate in a relationship of equals. There, it needs to be "It would mean a lot to me, I would appreciate it if. . . " Criticism needs to be given without anger or tears, and is only offered when the spouse is willing to hear it. ("Honey, I have a criticism/though/concern. May I share it? Is now a good time?")
Conflict resolution: I don't remember a lot from this one, just that it needs to be approached mutually, with love, without emotion, focus on a single issue, and be open to negotiation. It can't be "my way or no way."
Forgiveness: Sooner or later, despite the best intentions of the best of us, we're going to suffer hurt, heartache and sorrow. Forgiveness is the path to peace and healing. He has several tips on forgiveness exercises, leaving judgement to God, and handling toxic personalities (those people who will be critical, who can never be pleased, no matter how carefully we try to meet their expectations).
I found this insightful and brilliant. It will be my wedding gift to all friends and family going forward. I will also revisit this work annually, or more frequently if needed. My family, friends, church community, and work are too important to neglect these important concepts.
calittle14's review
4.0
I really liked this audio book. It was a great reminder about how to communicate and resolve issues and just how to be a better spouse. I am planning on reading it again.
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