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chaos_and_cabernet's review against another edition
1.0
This book is such a tease. A more accurate title would be Elizabeth the Drip. Jessica's sketchy date with The Stache only took a chapter. That was it. The rest was all broody Elizabeth. Color me disappointed.
magickislife's review
lighthearted
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? No
3.5
mynameismarines's review against another edition
2.0
Original for the Snark Squad here.
This is a book with a plot, and stuff, but clearly what you should know about this book is that it features one damn fine porn 'stache on the cover. What you should know about ME is that this made me entirely way too excited about life.
You're welcome, dear friend, for that close-up.
We open book #5 with Jessica checking herself out in a mirror. Again. Some more. It's practically tradition by now. She's asking Elizabeth if her outfit is sexy enough for her new, 18-year-old, porn-stachioed man, or ScottStache.
Liz protests and says their mother would never approve of Jess going out with this guy. Jessica ignores Elizabeth and goes to the lake with ScottStache and his college friends anyway.
Jessica talks a lot about being able to handle herself around men. Not so much with the actually being able to, though, as she ends up walking through the woods with ScottStache and then he unties her top and rape!kisses her. Jess fights back and demands that ScottStache take her home immediately.
He scoffs and informs her that this is an overnight trip and she isn't going anywhere. Jess is in hot water because 1.) she never asked permission to stay out all night long and 2.) she is supposed to take a test the next day so that she and Liz can be Sweet Valley tour guides.
Sweet Valley tour guides.
Sweet Valley. Tour guides.
Hmm.
The recap of this book is also the birth of the famous-around-the-Snark-Squad Youth Mauling Bear. I'll just copy and paste:
"Dude, as she’s bumbling about the woods ‘o rape, she even goes as far as blaming Liz for not making her stay in Girl Scouts when they were kids.
I just… I don’t even know what to say anymore.
Maybe it’s all this talk of woods and bears and annoying youths, but I am reminded of something: There’s a little known story in the Bible about the prophet Elisha. See, he was walking along one day, minding his own business, doing official prophet things I’m sure, when some “youth” started yelling at him and basically called him baldheaded. Elisha was bad ass though, and was all, “I curse you in the name of Lord, yo,” and he kept walking. Some time later, two female bears just came out of the woods and mauled 42 of the youths.
This might be the first time I’m reading SVH and wishing it were more like the Bible. Where the heck is a youth mauling bear when you need one?"
Will Jessica ever get out of the woods? Will her parents find out that she was out all night long? How will Liz possibly make any of this her problem? Will Liz and Jess get to tour guides of Sweet Valley?
Tour guides of Sweet Valley.
Tour guides. Of Sweet Valley.
Hmm.
This is a book with a plot, and stuff, but clearly what you should know about this book is that it features one damn fine porn 'stache on the cover. What you should know about ME is that this made me entirely way too excited about life.
You're welcome, dear friend, for that close-up.
We open book #5 with Jessica checking herself out in a mirror. Again. Some more. It's practically tradition by now. She's asking Elizabeth if her outfit is sexy enough for her new, 18-year-old, porn-stachioed man, or ScottStache.
Liz protests and says their mother would never approve of Jess going out with this guy. Jessica ignores Elizabeth and goes to the lake with ScottStache and his college friends anyway.
Jessica talks a lot about being able to handle herself around men. Not so much with the actually being able to, though, as she ends up walking through the woods with ScottStache and then he unties her top and rape!kisses her. Jess fights back and demands that ScottStache take her home immediately.
He scoffs and informs her that this is an overnight trip and she isn't going anywhere. Jess is in hot water because 1.) she never asked permission to stay out all night long and 2.) she is supposed to take a test the next day so that she and Liz can be Sweet Valley tour guides.
Sweet Valley tour guides.
Sweet Valley. Tour guides.
Hmm.
The recap of this book is also the birth of the famous-around-the-Snark-Squad Youth Mauling Bear. I'll just copy and paste:
"Dude, as she’s bumbling about the woods ‘o rape, she even goes as far as blaming Liz for not making her stay in Girl Scouts when they were kids.
I just… I don’t even know what to say anymore.
Maybe it’s all this talk of woods and bears and annoying youths, but I am reminded of something: There’s a little known story in the Bible about the prophet Elisha. See, he was walking along one day, minding his own business, doing official prophet things I’m sure, when some “youth” started yelling at him and basically called him baldheaded. Elisha was bad ass though, and was all, “I curse you in the name of Lord, yo,” and he kept walking. Some time later, two female bears just came out of the woods and mauled 42 of the youths.
This might be the first time I’m reading SVH and wishing it were more like the Bible. Where the heck is a youth mauling bear when you need one?"
Will Jessica ever get out of the woods? Will her parents find out that she was out all night long? How will Liz possibly make any of this her problem? Will Liz and Jess get to tour guides of Sweet Valley?
Tour guides of Sweet Valley.
Tour guides. Of Sweet Valley.
Hmm.
foreveryoungadult's review against another edition
em_beddedinbooks's review against another edition
2.0
I was an avid reader of SVH books a couple of decade ago and remember getting keenly involved in Liz'z and Jess's lives and petty troubles. But this one left me wondering why on earth I was that keen on the series. This one seemed contrived, cheesy, pointless. It didn;t give me the same pleasure I used to get earlier following the series. Maybe I've finally grown up (mentally, I mean)
seejennread's review
1.0
Bad. So bad.
OMG, Jessica is dating Pornstache from Orange is the New Black!!! Look, proof!!!
This book was so horribly disgusting, like the last one, but I had to give this a one star. Seriously, Scott is so gross. But I was so surprised the authors didn't take it all the way. It's weird that they really don't mention S-E-X in any of these early books. Oh yeah, they make out and Scott slips his hands down Jess' bikini bottoms, but that's it. **Trigger warning: Are you seriously telling me that this skeezy, college-aged, pornstache guy would stop when this little high-school girl tells him to?? There's no way. And the reason I gave it one star, besides the skeeze, was because the Scott storyline was basically 2 chapters and then he was gone. Like, he's on the cover!
Read my full review at See Jenn Read!
OMG, Jessica is dating Pornstache from Orange is the New Black!!! Look, proof!!!
This book was so horribly disgusting, like the last one, but I had to give this a one star. Seriously, Scott is so gross. But I was so surprised the authors didn't take it all the way. It's weird that they really don't mention S-E-X in any of these early books. Oh yeah, they make out and Scott slips his hands down Jess' bikini bottoms, but that's it. **Trigger warning: Are you seriously telling me that this skeezy, college-aged, pornstache guy would stop when this little high-school girl tells him to?? There's no way. And the reason I gave it one star, besides the skeeze, was because the Scott storyline was basically 2 chapters and then he was gone. Like, he's on the cover!
Read my full review at See Jenn Read!
chaos_and_cabernet's review
1.0
This book is such a tease. A more accurate title would be Elizabeth the Drip. Jessica's sketchy date with The Stache only took a chapter. That was it. The rest was all broody Elizabeth. Color me disappointed.
laura_vee's review
3.0
This is by far my most favorite Sweet Valley High cover ever. College boy Scott is obviously the bad boy (note the porn star mustache and shocking 'All Night Long' title). Sadly, the most exciting thing that happens in this book is Scott tries to remove Jessica's perfect size 6 red bikini top and then Jessica gets lost in the woods. Oh - and Liz ate two servings of pancakes, which may have bumped her up to a heiferish size 8.
I remember being very disappointed in the content of this book when I read it back in the day. To cope with the sadness, I was forced to steal a few Harlequin Temptations from my mom's room.
I remember being very disappointed in the content of this book when I read it back in the day. To cope with the sadness, I was forced to steal a few Harlequin Temptations from my mom's room.