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4.46 AVERAGE
4.46 AVERAGE
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
emotional
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
reflective
sad
tense
I wasn't sure about this book at the start - the use of the second person address, the constant conjectures about what others were thinking and feeling. But by the end of the book I was definitely drawn in, and even if I think they can be heavy handed sometimes I think they're sincere and meaningful. Gupta has a way of drawing out how the web of racial and gendered narratives intersects with individual beliefs and motives, so that we can see how we latch on to forms of meaning in the face of struggle. It's been a long time since I thought about the question of identity in Asian American studies so it was also a powerful reminder of why the work we do in this field matters to bring clarity to our lives, that the elements of "culture" are selected and constructed to have meaning as we navigate the experience of minoritization.
I particularly liked some of the turns of phrase Gupta used. The idea that "society [was] a little ill, too, for normalizing" privilege and hierarchy, was a really interesting thought. Same for how she described her relationship to Indian culture as feeling "almost as appropriative... a performance rather than something I inhabited authentically." I empathize with thread, but I think it's useful to remember that culture is always being remade, and that diasporas calcify a memory of "culture" in conservative ways while the homeland continues to change without similar self-consciousness and self-policing. So the idea of an authentic culture is sort of bunk. We make our culture and our meaning how we want. Whether that's liberating or anxiety producing, I don't know.
I did find it interesting that Gupta found an Indian American therapist to be so helpful. The one time I saw a culturally competent therapist, I felt precisely that they were trying to slot my words into a narrative of how Asian American families have been analyzed, and I hated being put into a box as if that would explain and solve things, instead of listening to our particular situation and hearing my story rather than the elements that they thought fit correctly into some other story. I think there are powerful throughlines that help explain much of what we experience, but not all families of whatever background are the same.
In the end what I take away from this is a reminder to think intentionally about what values I want to impart to my children, as well as the awareness that society will mold them in ways I can't control but can, hopefully, have a meaningful commentary and interpretive framework to offer them.
I particularly liked some of the turns of phrase Gupta used. The idea that "society [was] a little ill, too, for normalizing" privilege and hierarchy, was a really interesting thought. Same for how she described her relationship to Indian culture as feeling "almost as appropriative... a performance rather than something I inhabited authentically." I empathize with thread, but I think it's useful to remember that culture is always being remade, and that diasporas calcify a memory of "culture" in conservative ways while the homeland continues to change without similar self-consciousness and self-policing. So the idea of an authentic culture is sort of bunk. We make our culture and our meaning how we want. Whether that's liberating or anxiety producing, I don't know.
I did find it interesting that Gupta found an Indian American therapist to be so helpful. The one time I saw a culturally competent therapist, I felt precisely that they were trying to slot my words into a narrative of how Asian American families have been analyzed, and I hated being put into a box as if that would explain and solve things, instead of listening to our particular situation and hearing my story rather than the elements that they thought fit correctly into some other story. I think there are powerful throughlines that help explain much of what we experience, but not all families of whatever background are the same.
In the end what I take away from this is a reminder to think intentionally about what values I want to impart to my children, as well as the awareness that society will mold them in ways I can't control but can, hopefully, have a meaningful commentary and interpretive framework to offer them.
I’m in my feelings right now - I need a little time to process and write a formal review.
I will say this however, it has become increasingly clear to me that a society that does not grant women their full humanity is a society that is committed to prolonging trauma and exacerbating abuse.
I am really curious to know what it is like to not have authoritarian parents.
I will say this however, it has become increasingly clear to me that a society that does not grant women their full humanity is a society that is committed to prolonging trauma and exacerbating abuse.
I am really curious to know what it is like to not have authoritarian parents.
emotional
sad
medium-paced
emotional
hopeful
sad
fast-paced
emotional
informative
reflective
medium-paced
4.25/5
There was so much I loved about this book. It was beautifully written, and it's probably one of the first books to truly articulate some aspects of my own relationship with post-colonialism, being the child of immigrants, and intergenerational trauma.
However, I do feel a little misled by the book's synopsis. I was expecting a lot more references to research on these topics and for her experiences to be contextualized more. There was some of that, but this was really just about this one family and their specific circumstances. Prachi has every right to tell this story, and it's unfair of me to burden her with telling the more relatable story, but there are so few of those stories for me. I rarely get the chance to truly relate to an author on these sorts of topics, and I was so excited when I read the synopsis. I thought -- FINALLY -- a book that can articulate the many fractured components of my identity. Prachi was right in saying that white people are never burdened with representing their entire race. It's unfair as fuck, but it is a reality though.
This is not message to Prachi, but to the entire publishing industry -- please publish more honest diversity. I didn't even realize how hungry I was for this kind of story until my excitement from reading the synopsis. I want to get to the point where I can read a memoir or a book about a brown girl and not feel desparate to relate to her. I want to have read enough books where I have related to someone across the dimensions of race, culture, immigration, gender etc. Is that too much to ask?
Overall -- excellent though.
There was so much I loved about this book. It was beautifully written, and it's probably one of the first books to truly articulate some aspects of my own relationship with post-colonialism, being the child of immigrants, and intergenerational trauma.
However, I do feel a little misled by the book's synopsis. I was expecting a lot more references to research on these topics and for her experiences to be contextualized more. There was some of that, but this was really just about this one family and their specific circumstances. Prachi has every right to tell this story, and it's unfair of me to burden her with telling the more relatable story, but there are so few of those stories for me. I rarely get the chance to truly relate to an author on these sorts of topics, and I was so excited when I read the synopsis. I thought -- FINALLY -- a book that can articulate the many fractured components of my identity. Prachi was right in saying that white people are never burdened with representing their entire race. It's unfair as fuck, but it is a reality though.
This is not message to Prachi, but to the entire publishing industry -- please publish more honest diversity. I didn't even realize how hungry I was for this kind of story until my excitement from reading the synopsis. I want to get to the point where I can read a memoir or a book about a brown girl and not feel desparate to relate to her. I want to have read enough books where I have related to someone across the dimensions of race, culture, immigration, gender etc. Is that too much to ask?
Overall -- excellent though.
challenging
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
An insightful look into how the model minority ideal is perpetuated in America and how it shaped the author’s life. A biographical story told in the format of a letter from the author to her mother.