You need to sign in or sign up before continuing.
Take a photo of a barcode or cover
4.46 AVERAGE
4.46 AVERAGE
emotional
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
I was really torn by this one. Some elements really sing. But there is a real remaining bitterness that just builds and builds that grated on me. I cannot judge another’s lived experience- and her openness is really admirable. It’s not easy to bare yourself like this. To expose years and years of hurt. But there is also a layer of condescension in her writing towards those who think differently. And that did not sit well with me.
Courageous. Raw. Honest. Real.
I have no words for this book.
I chose this book through @diasporareads book club. I connected to Prachi's story in a way I have never before. Sharing the truth of her Indian upbringing, duality of cultures, her family, the Indian patriarchy, strict gender roles and hypocrisy of gender expectations.
A quote that sat in my mind on the way to work this morning follows a tragedy:
"We has been raised to believe that every unknown could be resolved through willpower and intellect. A message reinforced by America's rigid conception of who we're supposed to be. The truth is, society doesn't inspire us to be kind or compassionate or happy. It pressure adults to achieve and accomplish. It teaches people that what matters more than their character or how they treat others or how they feel about themselves is how much money they can hoard, who they know, how famous they can get, how much power they can wield over others. Emotions have no basis in this framework. They are a nuisance, a hindrance, a distraction, a weakness..."
I always struggled with the notion of making more, being more, having more. I see this in the classroom as an educator. Unrealistic academic expectations for kids instead of teaching kindness and inclusion and true, honest effort.
Thank you, Prachi, for sharing your hard truth for the rest of us to know we aren't alone in so much of your story.
This book is a must read for Indian, South Asian (or any) first born immigrants.
I have no words for this book.
I chose this book through @diasporareads book club. I connected to Prachi's story in a way I have never before. Sharing the truth of her Indian upbringing, duality of cultures, her family, the Indian patriarchy, strict gender roles and hypocrisy of gender expectations.
A quote that sat in my mind on the way to work this morning follows a tragedy:
"We has been raised to believe that every unknown could be resolved through willpower and intellect. A message reinforced by America's rigid conception of who we're supposed to be. The truth is, society doesn't inspire us to be kind or compassionate or happy. It pressure adults to achieve and accomplish. It teaches people that what matters more than their character or how they treat others or how they feel about themselves is how much money they can hoard, who they know, how famous they can get, how much power they can wield over others. Emotions have no basis in this framework. They are a nuisance, a hindrance, a distraction, a weakness..."
I always struggled with the notion of making more, being more, having more. I see this in the classroom as an educator. Unrealistic academic expectations for kids instead of teaching kindness and inclusion and true, honest effort.
Thank you, Prachi, for sharing your hard truth for the rest of us to know we aren't alone in so much of your story.
This book is a must read for Indian, South Asian (or any) first born immigrants.
This whole book is a letter to the author's mother, whom has cut off contact with her (whether of her own volition or through manipulation or under forced control), but this is the only way Prachi could present ALL her memories and feelings — her love, pain, realisations, reasoning and understanding in one place — to show her love, but also to stand up for herself after all the abuse she’d been through.
To outsiders, the author’s dad presents himself as a respectable and generous doctor. Couple that with the traditional patriarchal family structure, everyone either made excuses for or acted as if his behaviour was normal “papa just has a wartime personality, but he comes clutch in times of need” - making her feel like she’s the crazy one for thinking that abuse is wrong or even existed to begin with.
In Asian cultural norms, you are expected to swallow any personal injustice or unfairness if it means the continued (facade of) harmony in the community/family unit. Causing a scene because you are standing up for yourself is frowned upon. Telling your parents they are doing something wrong is “disrespectful” and is a big no-no.
I’ve also noticed that it is also not uncommon for some of us to romanticise and exaggerate our own compromises/sacrifices, holding on to them so tightly we genuinely believe ourselves as martyrs, and because of this overinflation and obsession of pain, we sometimes hold these sacrifices over everyone else’s head. In this memoir I believe everyone was guilty of this to some extent.
Although cultural upbringing does play a part in this story, the biggest issue is the damage caused by being raised by toxic parent(s), and that could happen to any one of any culture.
Prachi’s dad would say his anger toward her stemmed from her always being defensive (even though it’s learned behaviour against his constant psychological, verbal, and occasional physical abuse) and never once taking responsibility for his behaviour that resulted in her defensiveness. Or even bothering to ask and listen to why she felt she had to defend herself. When she started holding her ground, he would send apology emails, and then the cycle of abuse simply resets the next time he felt she wasn’t doing what he wanted.
I highly recommend this to anyone who has ever felt unsafe, unloved, and unheard by their family. You may find some support and solace in knowing that you are not alone, you are not crazy, and you have every liberty to cut off the ties that only drag you down.
To outsiders, the author’s dad presents himself as a respectable and generous doctor. Couple that with the traditional patriarchal family structure, everyone either made excuses for or acted as if his behaviour was normal “papa just has a wartime personality, but he comes clutch in times of need” - making her feel like she’s the crazy one for thinking that abuse is wrong or even existed to begin with.
In Asian cultural norms, you are expected to swallow any personal injustice or unfairness if it means the continued (facade of) harmony in the community/family unit. Causing a scene because you are standing up for yourself is frowned upon. Telling your parents they are doing something wrong is “disrespectful” and is a big no-no.
I’ve also noticed that it is also not uncommon for some of us to romanticise and exaggerate our own compromises/sacrifices, holding on to them so tightly we genuinely believe ourselves as martyrs, and because of this overinflation and obsession of pain, we sometimes hold these sacrifices over everyone else’s head. In this memoir I believe everyone was guilty of this to some extent.
Although cultural upbringing does play a part in this story, the biggest issue is the damage caused by being raised by toxic parent(s), and that could happen to any one of any culture.
Prachi’s dad would say his anger toward her stemmed from her always being defensive (even though it’s learned behaviour against his constant psychological, verbal, and occasional physical abuse) and never once taking responsibility for his behaviour that resulted in her defensiveness. Or even bothering to ask and listen to why she felt she had to defend herself. When she started holding her ground, he would send apology emails, and then the cycle of abuse simply resets the next time he felt she wasn’t doing what he wanted.
I highly recommend this to anyone who has ever felt unsafe, unloved, and unheard by their family. You may find some support and solace in knowing that you are not alone, you are not crazy, and you have every liberty to cut off the ties that only drag you down.
challenging
dark
emotional
inspiring
reflective
sad
fast-paced
A book club book for work, which made me believe we still have a modicum of DEI. I was very saddened by this because I could relate to so much, and though it was challenging, it was the book I need to get out of my own dark place. Written in the perspective of a letter to her mom, which was difficult for me personally. I'm just glad I still have contact with my family.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse
Moderate: Sexual assault, Suicide
emotional
reflective
sad
tense
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
fast-paced
emotional
reflective
sad
fast-paced
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced