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abaugher's review against another edition
5.0
Very useful information for all types of relationships. I had my adult children and their friends take the test at the back of the book to get a better idea of how I might be able to communicate with them. Enlightening!
orsuros's review against another edition
5.0
I liked this version better than the original. It not only has good advice for singles, but also has a lot of more general advice that's very useful.
angmander's review against another edition
4.0
Okay, this book is awesome. I've known about the love languages for years, but never read any of the books. This book was helpful I'm understanding them on a deeper level.
A few things that I especially liked:
-The author is religious and shares how his beliefs connect to the different love languages. I didn't feel like it was pushy or overwhelming at all. But as a Christian, I loved his insight. It really helped me to connect the concepts on a deeper level.
-I loved that the author discussed abusive relationships. It's definitely something that needs to be addressed. And I feel like he addressed it in a very respectful and constructive way.
-I loved the questions that were presented for the reader. (Warning: If you're anything like me, this may bring up some difficult memories for you and leave you feeling a little bit crazy. But, I mean, it was good. It helped me realize that there things that need to be addressed.)
I would recommend this book. I think I'll probably read this again sometime soon.
A few things that I especially liked:
-The author is religious and shares how his beliefs connect to the different love languages. I didn't feel like it was pushy or overwhelming at all. But as a Christian, I loved his insight. It really helped me to connect the concepts on a deeper level.
-I loved that the author discussed abusive relationships. It's definitely something that needs to be addressed. And I feel like he addressed it in a very respectful and constructive way.
-I loved the questions that were presented for the reader. (Warning: If you're anything like me, this may bring up some difficult memories for you and leave you feeling a little bit crazy. But, I mean, it was good. It helped me realize that there things that need to be addressed.)
I would recommend this book. I think I'll probably read this again sometime soon.
kadidiawc's review against another edition
Honestly, too much God, too preachy for my taste.
e_etcetera's review against another edition
3.0
après la lecture du livre "original" Les 5 langages de l'amour, j'ai décidé de lire celui ci qui correspond plus à ma vie. cependant le côté beaucoup plus ouvertement religieux m'a parfois dérangée. Mais rien de repoussant ceci étant. j'ai appris des choses dans cet ouvrage comme dans le 1er. Et cela m'a également permis de constater que j'avais compris certains principes des langages de l'amour.
c'est en tous les cas très instructif et très ludique ensuite de chercher le langage de l'amour de chacun.
c'est en tous les cas très instructif et très ludique ensuite de chercher le langage de l'amour de chacun.
elbierly's review against another edition
3.0
I definitely appreciate the descriptions of all the love languages with the tangible suggestions of how to speak them. I felt like this could have been geared toward anyone, not specifically a single person, which is good and bad. Definitely a great read, but not too mind-blowing or earth-shattering.
alannajane's review against another edition
2.0
I am extremely disappointed! I am only giving this book 2 stars for the actual/original 5 love languages concept.
I remember reading The 5 Love Languages (original) several years ago and just loving the concept. I STILL love the concept. And I can absolutely see how using the 5 love languages within all different kinds of relationships and friendships can be very helpful in bringing people closer together and feeling loved.
That said, I expected FAR MORE from this 2019 updated edition. Dr. Chapman should absolutely have stuck with his original concept, and left his outdated, condemning, delusional and even dangerous devotional ideas in his church. Plus, he could use a VERY STRONG dose of social justice.
Let's start here. Repairing fractured relationships with people who are drug addicts, and have fallen back into their addictive behaviours, cannot simply be "fixed" by loving them harder. This is a very complex issue in which both parties need professional assistance, and should ultimately be done within the context of strict boundaries that provide safety above all else. Not acknowledging this within this topic is highly negligent. Further, suggesting that addicts will happily leave their addictions behind and become responsible, healed people simply by being loved by a family member may make those in these troubled relationships think that they are simply failing to love the other hard enough for them to heal. Gross.
Now the topic of sex: teaching that there are only two extremes: wanton, untethered, unsafe sluttyness with a vast number of unknown partners or waiting until you get married. Not only is this preposterous, it does not allow for discussion of healthy sexuality and/or healthy sexual behaviours. Further, Dr. Chapman twice mentions that sex before marriage is actually illegal (what?!?). It actually makes me sick that so many younger people are being taught this sort of nonsense, rather than being given ALL of their available options and allowing them to make their own decisions. In today's world, there is a wide range of sexual behaviour undertaken by all different sorts of people, much of it extremely loving and safe but outside the bounds of marriage. Get real!
Bringing up sexual assault and violence within relationships, the author actually recommends "fixing" these relationships and marriages too - instead of first insisting that the victim of these horrible crimes make themselves safe (or make an action plan to make themselves safe asap). One might think that the #metoo movement and more than 30 years of councelling would have enlightened this man into taking care of those that suffer the violence of power-desperate, narcissistic, manipulative perpetrators. Apparently not. He writes that this is simply the result of men not being able to control their urges.
Also, forcing a cis-gendered, hetero-normative viewpoint is extremely damaging to all of those who identify as someone other. Again, Dr. Chapman goes even further to note that arranged marriages within other cultures lead to long-lasting, happy spouses. He doesn't even grasp the culture within which he is living, so going out of his way to say things like this is so outlandish that I don't even know where to begin.
Yes, the concept of the 5 love languages is something that people of all kinds can use to better their relationships. Yes, there are all kinds of workplace, school, university, roommate, family, friend and dating relationships that could use more deep understanding. Yes, talking about things instead of assuming is great advice. Yes, the concept of considering the solidity of the foundation of any dating/intimate relationship prior to marriage is amazing advice.
BUT.... if you are not deeply Christian, male, affluent, cis-gendered, hetero-sexual and remaining a virgin until marriage, and possibly white, this book is at minimum insulting - and more realistically - dangerously lacking reasonable advice in so many cases. The author obviously writes from a place of extreme privilege as a white man in America with means, as well as dogged, blind faith to Christianity.
I picked this audiobook up because I was going to go and see Dr. Chapman talk on the 5 Love Languages at a local event this week. I thought that I would refresh my understanding of the fundamental concepts behind his work before going. Now, all that I want to do is get a refund on my ticket!!!
UPDATE: I didn’t refund my ticket and did attend Dr. Chapman’s speaking gig. He was funny, charming and delightful - and also everything that I called out above. He has done the world and so many people a great service by inventing both the 5 Love Languages, and the 5 Languages of Apology. That said, his public expression of these is one of deep faith that love can override ANY negative situation, completely ignoring the aspects of personal safety from violence/assault/verbal abuse, cultural hierarchy, the marginalization of so many people, his own privilege, and the completely outdated views on sexuality and the dating world. Read with a grain of salt!!!
I remember reading The 5 Love Languages (original) several years ago and just loving the concept. I STILL love the concept. And I can absolutely see how using the 5 love languages within all different kinds of relationships and friendships can be very helpful in bringing people closer together and feeling loved.
That said, I expected FAR MORE from this 2019 updated edition. Dr. Chapman should absolutely have stuck with his original concept, and left his outdated, condemning, delusional and even dangerous devotional ideas in his church. Plus, he could use a VERY STRONG dose of social justice.
Let's start here. Repairing fractured relationships with people who are drug addicts, and have fallen back into their addictive behaviours, cannot simply be "fixed" by loving them harder. This is a very complex issue in which both parties need professional assistance, and should ultimately be done within the context of strict boundaries that provide safety above all else. Not acknowledging this within this topic is highly negligent. Further, suggesting that addicts will happily leave their addictions behind and become responsible, healed people simply by being loved by a family member may make those in these troubled relationships think that they are simply failing to love the other hard enough for them to heal. Gross.
Now the topic of sex: teaching that there are only two extremes: wanton, untethered, unsafe sluttyness with a vast number of unknown partners or waiting until you get married. Not only is this preposterous, it does not allow for discussion of healthy sexuality and/or healthy sexual behaviours. Further, Dr. Chapman twice mentions that sex before marriage is actually illegal (what?!?). It actually makes me sick that so many younger people are being taught this sort of nonsense, rather than being given ALL of their available options and allowing them to make their own decisions. In today's world, there is a wide range of sexual behaviour undertaken by all different sorts of people, much of it extremely loving and safe but outside the bounds of marriage. Get real!
Bringing up sexual assault and violence within relationships, the author actually recommends "fixing" these relationships and marriages too - instead of first insisting that the victim of these horrible crimes make themselves safe (or make an action plan to make themselves safe asap). One might think that the #metoo movement and more than 30 years of councelling would have enlightened this man into taking care of those that suffer the violence of power-desperate, narcissistic, manipulative perpetrators. Apparently not. He writes that this is simply the result of men not being able to control their urges.
Also, forcing a cis-gendered, hetero-normative viewpoint is extremely damaging to all of those who identify as someone other. Again, Dr. Chapman goes even further to note that arranged marriages within other cultures lead to long-lasting, happy spouses. He doesn't even grasp the culture within which he is living, so going out of his way to say things like this is so outlandish that I don't even know where to begin.
Yes, the concept of the 5 love languages is something that people of all kinds can use to better their relationships. Yes, there are all kinds of workplace, school, university, roommate, family, friend and dating relationships that could use more deep understanding. Yes, talking about things instead of assuming is great advice. Yes, the concept of considering the solidity of the foundation of any dating/intimate relationship prior to marriage is amazing advice.
BUT.... if you are not deeply Christian, male, affluent, cis-gendered, hetero-sexual and remaining a virgin until marriage, and possibly white, this book is at minimum insulting - and more realistically - dangerously lacking reasonable advice in so many cases. The author obviously writes from a place of extreme privilege as a white man in America with means, as well as dogged, blind faith to Christianity.
I picked this audiobook up because I was going to go and see Dr. Chapman talk on the 5 Love Languages at a local event this week. I thought that I would refresh my understanding of the fundamental concepts behind his work before going. Now, all that I want to do is get a refund on my ticket!!!
UPDATE: I didn’t refund my ticket and did attend Dr. Chapman’s speaking gig. He was funny, charming and delightful - and also everything that I called out above. He has done the world and so many people a great service by inventing both the 5 Love Languages, and the 5 Languages of Apology. That said, his public expression of these is one of deep faith that love can override ANY negative situation, completely ignoring the aspects of personal safety from violence/assault/verbal abuse, cultural hierarchy, the marginalization of so many people, his own privilege, and the completely outdated views on sexuality and the dating world. Read with a grain of salt!!!
hidingincorners's review against another edition
Useful. Insightful. But cis-heteronormative and decidedly Christian. However, I'll definitely be using these insights in all my relationships, especially with my family.