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Stuck in the Middle With You: A Memoir of Parenting in Three Genders by Jennifer Finney Boylan
timna_wyckoff's review
5.0
I read this in just a couple sittings.....really thought-provoking ideas about parenting and gender roles, in the context of fantastically-written short memoir essays and impressive interviews with really fascinating people.
Just re-read for book club, March 2018. Can't wait for the discussion.
Just re-read for book club, March 2018. Can't wait for the discussion.
90sinmyheart's review
5.0
This was almost too good to be a memoir. All the quotes, the things her family said over the years... they were almost too perfect. This was fascinating. The parenting stuff was particularly poignant because there was so much truth, whether you're experiencing parenthood as mother or father or a maddy.
mxsallybend's review
4.0
Although already an accomplished novelist at the time, it was the publication of She’s Not There: A Life in Two Genders in 2003 that first made Jennifer Finney Boylan a household name - and which firmly established gender issues as a topic of popular discussion in the process.
Says Jennifer of that seminal volume, “at first, I thought of She’s Not There as a kind of ‘once-off,’ after which I’d return to fiction. But, oddly, I hit some nerves with readers.” She found herself drawn to writing nonfiction, and since gender issues were very much at the centre of her life, it was inevitable that gender would become a topic she returned to again and again. “You could make a lot,” she muses, “if you wanted, out of the fact that as a man I wrote about things I had to invent, and as a woman I’ve been able to write about things that are true.“
Anybody who has ever given it even a moment’s passing thought knows that it is not easy to step outside the so-called ‘norm’ and embrace a gender identity or expression that lies beyond the traditional gender binary. There’s a world full of fear and prejudice out there, and the sad truth is we all too often have to accept the loss of friends and family in order to find peace and happiness within ourselves.
When there are children involved, however, the situation gets even more complex. Fortunately, Stuck in the Middle with You does a wonderful job of exploring the role that gender (and gender change) plays in parenting, and demonstrates that the health and happiness of one’s self and one’s children can coexist peacefully. That’s not to say it’s all fluff and laughter – there are some deep thoughts and some painful tears involved, but time, love, and caring heal most wounds.
When asked if, in writing about the lives of her children in Stuck in the Middle With You, she found herself at all sensitive to potentially negative reactions, Jennifer scoffs. “I think the only people who will react negatively . . . are people who have issues with trans people existing in the first place.”
As a second-time parent, going though the infant/toddler stage all over again, I was really struck by her doubts and fears regarding what secrets her boys might be hiding. I do wish we could have heard more from her children, and learned more about their rough edges, but it’s comforting to know that our children can take after us, and can learn from us, without actually becoming us.
An interesting aspect of Stuck in the Middle with You is the ‘Time Out’ Conversations with other parents that fall between the chapters. “I wanted to make the story about more than just me for a change,” says Jennifer, so she “turned to the moms and dads and “former children” that I knew, most of whom are writers, and asked them to talk to me about their own experience as parents, or about their own parents.”
At first I wasn’t sure what to think of those conversations, but I slowly began to see how their placement enhanced the story, adding a new perspective to things. The more we heard from other parents, the more it becomes clear that so many parenting experiences are universal, and not unique to any gender.
Jennifer takes the bold step of concluding the book with an interview of her partner and herself, conducted by novelist Anna Quindlen. Jennifer and Deirdre talk about stereotypes and secrets, about Maddy versus Daddy, and even answer a few difficult questions. It is Boylan, of course, who gets in the last word, but not before her partner has a chance to pull all the threads together in a family portrait that’s not much different from any other.
While not as ground-breaking as her first two novels, Stuck in the Middle with You is a welcome addition to the shelves upon shelves of parenting books out there, and one that offers a unique perspective for all genders.
Originally reviewed for Frock Magazine
Says Jennifer of that seminal volume, “at first, I thought of She’s Not There as a kind of ‘once-off,’ after which I’d return to fiction. But, oddly, I hit some nerves with readers.” She found herself drawn to writing nonfiction, and since gender issues were very much at the centre of her life, it was inevitable that gender would become a topic she returned to again and again. “You could make a lot,” she muses, “if you wanted, out of the fact that as a man I wrote about things I had to invent, and as a woman I’ve been able to write about things that are true.“
Anybody who has ever given it even a moment’s passing thought knows that it is not easy to step outside the so-called ‘norm’ and embrace a gender identity or expression that lies beyond the traditional gender binary. There’s a world full of fear and prejudice out there, and the sad truth is we all too often have to accept the loss of friends and family in order to find peace and happiness within ourselves.
When there are children involved, however, the situation gets even more complex. Fortunately, Stuck in the Middle with You does a wonderful job of exploring the role that gender (and gender change) plays in parenting, and demonstrates that the health and happiness of one’s self and one’s children can coexist peacefully. That’s not to say it’s all fluff and laughter – there are some deep thoughts and some painful tears involved, but time, love, and caring heal most wounds.
When asked if, in writing about the lives of her children in Stuck in the Middle With You, she found herself at all sensitive to potentially negative reactions, Jennifer scoffs. “I think the only people who will react negatively . . . are people who have issues with trans people existing in the first place.”
As a second-time parent, going though the infant/toddler stage all over again, I was really struck by her doubts and fears regarding what secrets her boys might be hiding. I do wish we could have heard more from her children, and learned more about their rough edges, but it’s comforting to know that our children can take after us, and can learn from us, without actually becoming us.
An interesting aspect of Stuck in the Middle with You is the ‘Time Out’ Conversations with other parents that fall between the chapters. “I wanted to make the story about more than just me for a change,” says Jennifer, so she “turned to the moms and dads and “former children” that I knew, most of whom are writers, and asked them to talk to me about their own experience as parents, or about their own parents.”
At first I wasn’t sure what to think of those conversations, but I slowly began to see how their placement enhanced the story, adding a new perspective to things. The more we heard from other parents, the more it becomes clear that so many parenting experiences are universal, and not unique to any gender.
Jennifer takes the bold step of concluding the book with an interview of her partner and herself, conducted by novelist Anna Quindlen. Jennifer and Deirdre talk about stereotypes and secrets, about Maddy versus Daddy, and even answer a few difficult questions. It is Boylan, of course, who gets in the last word, but not before her partner has a chance to pull all the threads together in a family portrait that’s not much different from any other.
While not as ground-breaking as her first two novels, Stuck in the Middle with You is a welcome addition to the shelves upon shelves of parenting books out there, and one that offers a unique perspective for all genders.
Originally reviewed for Frock Magazine
arielml's review
4.0
I really enjoyed this book. It was thoughtful and witty, and I found myself underlining and/or reading a lot of passages out loud. It was also cool (although somewhat random) how she interviewed her author friends about related topics and interspersed the interviews throughout. This book satisfied my enjoyment of looking into other people's real lives and seeing how their experiences have differed from mine.
jenmat1197's review
4.0
This is a memoir about the author who went through a transition from male to female. She was married and had two sons when she finally realized that she could not hide herself any longer. She talked with her wife, and when through the transition from Jimmy to Jenny. Her wife stayed with her and is still with her today. She went from being Daddy to Maddy to her boys. During her transition, her family faced a lot of challenges and many questions, but in the end, they stayed together as a family. This book tells her story, but also has interviews others in her life and examines their relationships with mothers, fathers, and children whether their own or as their roles of.
I thought this was a pretty good book. I would be lying if I was surprised that Jenny's wife stayed with her after her transition. Her wife does not identify as a lesbian, but she loves Jenny and loved their life, so she stuck with her. They seem like a well balanced, loving family. Their boys are grown now, and striving, and show no ill effects of Jenny's transition. I did enjoy the other interviews intermixed in this book - how people viewed their own relationships with their fathers, mothers and children. And how those relationships formed the person they are today.
I suggest reading it. There isn't a lot known or understood about people who are transgender, and I think this book gives a good insight on the struggles a person - and their family - can go through
I thought this was a pretty good book. I would be lying if I was surprised that Jenny's wife stayed with her after her transition. Her wife does not identify as a lesbian, but she loves Jenny and loved their life, so she stuck with her. They seem like a well balanced, loving family. Their boys are grown now, and striving, and show no ill effects of Jenny's transition. I did enjoy the other interviews intermixed in this book - how people viewed their own relationships with their fathers, mothers and children. And how those relationships formed the person they are today.
I suggest reading it. There isn't a lot known or understood about people who are transgender, and I think this book gives a good insight on the struggles a person - and their family - can go through
ajordan60's review
4.0
Nicely done! I find Jennifer Boylan's humer not funny quiet often, but otherwise the chapters and stories are nicely arranged and cleverly assembled.
kitkat2500's review
4.0
This is a memoir about Boylan’s transition from a man to a woman, while married and raising a family. The author wrote a previous book which contains more details about the transition itself. This book is about the impact this decision has on her family. Her wife stays with her once her transition to a woman is complete. The children seem to be adversely affected, but adopt a more open-minded view on the world.
The book is well-written and very interesting. I found Boylan’s reflections on parenthood and gender thought-provoking and very relevant. I loved her authentic communication style and would highly recommend this book.
The book is well-written and very interesting. I found Boylan’s reflections on parenthood and gender thought-provoking and very relevant. I loved her authentic communication style and would highly recommend this book.
carriepond's review
4.0
Finney Boylan, who was assigned male at birth and did not transition until after her two sons were born, describes herself as “a father for six years, a mother for ten, and for a time in between, neither, or both.” In this memoir, Finney Boylan explores her own experiences of parenthood and broader issues of what it means to be a mother/fact/parent and to what degree gender affects how we raise our children. The memoir is interspersed with Finney Boylan’s conversations with others about their experiences as children and as parents, and what they think family means. I really enjoyed this memoir— Finney Boylan is insightful and warm, and it gave me joy to hear her reflections on life raising her children as I am at the beginning of my own journey as a mother.
teranmbaker05's review
3.0
Couldn’t really relate to any parts of the book. I wanted to enjoy it but it was more mediocre to me
cowmingo's review
4.0
Fascinating book! Jennifer Finney Boylan writes from the heart when discussing how she and her spouse have raised their children. Boylan also includes interviews with several authors who have differing views on what it means to be a parent. I loved that there was an open and honest discussion about labels and definitions and I am definitely planning to read more of this author's works.
*I received this book through NetGalley.com*
*I received this book through NetGalley.com*