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gretareadsbooks's review against another edition
adventurous
dark
mysterious
tense
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
2.5
Content Warnings
Moderate: Rape, Domestic abuse, Ableism, Sexual assault, and Misogyny
tiiiger35's review against another edition
dark
mysterious
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.75
I really enjoyed this book, I’d have given it 5 stars if it wasn’t for the ending which was open ended.
It’s definitely a southern gothic thriller with an underlying supernatural element.
It’s set in a religiously zealot small town, the author does a great job of describing the hot, humid, swampy, surroundings of the Deep South.
Ruth, the pastors daughter is naive, submissive and too easily influenced. Her blind ignorance towards her surroundings irritated me a lot.
I was very drawn to Evers’ character, a tormented soul who’s been mistreated his entire life. His vulnerability around Ruth is endearing & balances out his lingering darkness.
I see a lot of people slating the Twiligjt references but what they don’t get is that young girls are drawn to books like that and figures Edward Cullen because it’s a love interest outside of society and morality. This cries out to a girl like Ruth confined by religious beliefs & restrictions. It’s no wonder she looked at Ever, as her idea of a dark romance waiting to save her.
Overall, I really enjoyed the book.
It was hard to put down at times and I raced through it.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Forced institutionalization, Sexual harassment, Drug use, Emotional abuse, Alcoholism, Bullying, Child abuse, Fire/Fire injury, Religious bigotry, Toxic relationship, Gaslighting, Animal cruelty, Animal death, Hate crime, Murder, Pedophilia, Panic attacks/disorders, Physical abuse, Sexism, Abortion, Rape, Sexual assault, Blood, Death of parent, Death, Domestic abuse, Grief, and Drug abuse
judyhagan's review against another edition
adventurous
dark
emotional
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? No
4.5
Content Warnings
Graphic: Mental illness, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Violence, Emotional abuse, Gun violence, Rape, Drug use, Panic attacks/disorders, Religious bigotry, Physical abuse, Animal death, Blood, Child abuse, Death of parent, Death, Misogyny, and Murder
sstewart89's review against another edition
dark
mysterious
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Injury/Injury detail, Misogyny, Religious bigotry, Rape, Violence, Abandonment, Blood, Cursing, Death, Drug use, Fire/Fire injury, Forced institutionalization, Murder, Physical abuse, Schizophrenia/Psychosis , and Sexual content
Moderate: Child death, Death of parent, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Gore, and Grief
Minor: Abortion, Adult/minor relationship, Toxic relationship, and Pedophilia
princessjj14's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
4.25
Content Warnings
Graphic: Religious bigotry
Minor: Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Drug use, Rape, and Emotional abuse
booksandbabble's review against another edition
dark
mysterious
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
2.5
Content Warnings
Graphic: Murder, Torture, Sexual assault, Child abuse, and Rape
Moderate: Injury/Injury detail, Adult/minor relationship, Pedophilia, Pregnancy, and Fire/Fire injury
chelseadenn34's review against another edition
adventurous
dark
mysterious
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
So I loved In My Dreams I Hold a Knife by Ashley Winstead and I’ve been excited to read more of her works. I have seen a lot of mixed reviews about this one. And y’all this one is definitely a ride. Like there is a lot going on in this one.
I feel like I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about this book but I can’t articulate them well or honestly even make sense of them. This book was definitely engaging and I was invested—every time I picked it up to read I did not want to put it down. And for the most part I really enjoyed this story. The only thing that kinda bothered me was the religious fundamentalism and hypocrisy of the town. Like I felt like I was reading about a town set in the 1960s, not present day. I’m a Christian, and so reading about some of the things that went on in this town under the veil of God’s will and such made my heart hurt. If you’re reading this book and you know nothing about Christianity, just know this is the worst version of it. God is just, but he is also gracious and merciful.
This is a very engaging read and even though it wasn’t my favorite by Ashley, I’m still excited to read more of her work.
This book has one fade to black scene with minimal detail and contains moderate language.
Trigger Warnings: religious fundamentalism, sexual abuse, child abuse, rape
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual assault, Religious bigotry, Rape, and Child abuse
teganbeesebooks's review against another edition
dark
emotional
mysterious
tense
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.5
Content Warnings
Graphic: Violence, Abandonment, Addiction, Blood, Death of parent, Drug abuse, Injury/Injury detail, Vomit, Domestic abuse, Drug use, Classism, Child abuse, Death, Rape, Abortion, Alcohol, Sexual assault, Toxic relationship, Physical abuse, Alcoholism, Cursing, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Adult/minor relationship, Gaslighting, Suicidal thoughts, Murder, Panic attacks/disorders, Pedophilia, Pregnancy, and Religious bigotry
alindeman's review against another edition
dark
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
mysterious
reflective
sad
tense
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
5.0
Wow. Just wow. It’s only January but this may just be the best book of 2024.
Every aspect of this book is so fucking compelling. The investigation, the cult that is Christianity, the impact of patriarchy, Ruth’s war within herself, Ruth & Ever’s relationship, and most importantly, the discussion around morality.
This is executed with *immense* skill and thoughtfulness. Ashley Winstead is an incredible writer and storyteller. I especially liked her responses to the q&a at the end of the book, it’s a great reflection on the overall message and themes of this book. This book reflects on the chains of patriarchy, the control religion wields, and the hypocrisy and cruelty and selfishness of men.
I think this book is so special to me because it reflects the development of my own worldview- that morality is not synonymous with legality and certainly not synonymous with holiness. I loved getting to see Ruth come to this conclusion and the battle that occurs within herself to arrive here- all she has to reject and unlearn. I also loved Everett. The quintessential morally grey antihero. (I hardly consider him an antihero personally tho) He sees himself as this monster the town has painted him to be, this force of evil, when in reality he is removing evil from the world. He talks of the voice in his head, this voice for violence, that is truly a voice for justice. The great criminals of this story are truly the great heroes.
Incredibly powerful, compelling, and inspiring book that I would recommend to anyone and everyone.
I can’t wait to read the rest of her works!
Plot summary (spoilers) for when I forget:
This story takes place in an ultra religious, ultraconservative backwards ass miserable ass town in Louisiana. The story follows Ruth, daughter of the town’s pastor. Naturally, he is an awful, awful man who rules his house (and town) with an iron fist- and wooden cane. Ruth is never good enough, never holy enough for her father. Why? She has dreams. Aspirations. Emotions. She finds refuge in a stolen hidden copy of Twilight. God- what it would be like to be loved like that!
Well she *is* loved like that, not that she knows it. Ruth & Everett’s relationship begins when he saves her from an awful evil man trying to rape Ruth. He attacks him, but the man overpowers him and begins choking him to death. Ruth hits him in the head with a rock to save her savior. He is still alive, but Everett finishes the job, citing a mercy kill. (Was that really the motivation?) they chop his body up and dump him in the swamp for the gators.
Since then, Ever has moved away and returns every summer.
This summer that he returns, a skull has been found in the swap. Ruth is terrified their crime is going to be uncovered. But it turns out the skull does not belong to the man they killed, but the owner of the massive fishing company that employs half the town, that went missing a while back. There are also weird witchy symbols on trees in the swamp.
Then they find the skull of the rapist.
Everett tells Ruth of a local gang called Sons of Liberty that runs drugs, a scheme that Ever’s dead father was a part of. They go into Ever’s dad’s mechanic garage and break into his safe and find a deed to the rapist’s mom’s house, collateral he left to prevent him from stealing the drugs they were running. Ever comes up with a plan to plant this deed at the Sons of Liberty’s den, call in an anonymous tip, and hope the cops would piece together that the gang killed him and they would be off the hook.
They succeed with the plan but no arrests are made. Clearly the cops are covering for the gang.
Ruth goes on a quest to discover the truth of the town. It turns out- everyone is fucking evil, especially her dad. All the men of the town had a little witchy ritualistic thing going on, which involved beating the shit out of Ever. So fucking holy are they. All of this is because there was a big drug scheme. They funneled drugs from the local hospital and the fishing company trafficked them. The rituals were to promote success with this “business endeavor”. All so the reverend could have money for him and his church- something he is “entitled” to as a messenger of god. Puke.
His father even protected a pedophile who was actively abusing children so he could stay in the good graces of his rich ass super powerful father, the owner of the hospital. Who, upon his death, willed the entire hospital to the reverend. SUS.
Ok what else.
The deputy Barry, her supposed to be fiancé, tells Ruth that Ever killed his father, Fred the fishing dude, and the rapist. He’s a serial killer. Well first of all Ruth knows he didn’t kill his dad bc -surprise- Ruth killed his dad to save Ever from his relentless and brutal bearings. Good for her. Unfortunately she’s been bearing this secret and living swamped with guilt, chaining herself to her miserable life in this evil swamp as penance.
She runs to ever and tells him this secret, in exchange for his own. He tells her he knew and he could never hate her for it, she was protecting him. She suspects his secret is that he’s a vampire. Lol. I kinda thought that too ngl. He’s kind of hurt that she put this fantasy onto him. While he isn’t a vampire, he tells her that he is a monster in his own right.
Ever tells her he did kill Fred and the “accidental” death of the pedo wasn’t an accident after all. He is actually the serial killer they’ve been saying he is. Ruth decides this does not make him a monster. The real monster is her father, and justice will be served.
The town is a mob waiting to hang Ever without trial. They make a plan. They walk to the church, where they spot Ever and he leads the mob on a chase into the swamp. Ruth enters the church, where her parents and the fisherman’s wives are. She carries a torch and, as one last test of her fathers goodness, tells him to answer her questions truthfully or she’ll start a fire. She starts questioning him about everything. The drugs. The pedophile. The rituals. The child abuse. He denies it all, tho the fisherman’s wives are scandalized and the damage is probably already been done. With each denial he lights something on fire. She lets the woman go because she decides they shouldn’t be collateral damage. With her last move, she lights the will to the hospital on fire. He begins to choke her and she lights him on fire. She tosses the burning will over the bannister (they’re on a second floor) and he jumps to rescue it, falling to his death. Her and her mom leave the church. The mom lives or whatever but she fucking sucked too. She was a victim but she let her child be abused so fuck her. Anyways- the church is burning to the ground. “The Holy Fire” Baptist Church. How wonderfully symbolic. She escapes to a meeting point where Ever arrives in his car. They are going to escape and be in love and maybe every once in a while kill some bad guys. A few hours outside of town they are pursued by cops attempting to arrest them for arson and murder. They approach a bridge on the Texas border and the cops are raising the bridge. Ruth and Ever decide to brave the jump and hope the car lands on the other side. I like to think it did.
that’s how it ends! So abrupt I was shook.
Every aspect of this book is so fucking compelling. The investigation, the cult that is Christianity, the impact of patriarchy, Ruth’s war within herself, Ruth & Ever’s relationship, and most importantly, the discussion around morality.
This is executed with *immense* skill and thoughtfulness. Ashley Winstead is an incredible writer and storyteller. I especially liked her responses to the q&a at the end of the book, it’s a great reflection on the overall message and themes of this book. This book reflects on the chains of patriarchy, the control religion wields, and the hypocrisy and cruelty and selfishness of men.
I think this book is so special to me because it reflects the development of my own worldview- that morality is not synonymous with legality and certainly not synonymous with holiness. I loved getting to see Ruth come to this conclusion and the battle that occurs within herself to arrive here- all she has to reject and unlearn. I also loved Everett. The quintessential morally grey antihero. (I hardly consider him an antihero personally tho) He sees himself as this monster the town has painted him to be, this force of evil, when in reality he is removing evil from the world. He talks of the voice in his head, this voice for violence, that is truly a voice for justice. The great criminals of this story are truly the great heroes.
Incredibly powerful, compelling, and inspiring book that I would recommend to anyone and everyone.
I can’t wait to read the rest of her works!
Plot summary (spoilers) for when I forget:
Well she *is* loved like that, not that she knows it. Ruth & Everett’s relationship begins when he saves her from an awful evil man trying to rape Ruth. He attacks him, but the man overpowers him and begins choking him to death. Ruth hits him in the head with a rock to save her savior. He is still alive, but Everett finishes the job, citing a mercy kill. (Was that really the motivation?) they chop his body up and dump him in the swamp for the gators.
Since then, Ever has moved away and returns every summer.
This summer that he returns, a skull has been found in the swap. Ruth is terrified their crime is going to be uncovered. But it turns out the skull does not belong to the man they killed, but the owner of the massive fishing company that employs half the town, that went missing a while back. There are also weird witchy symbols on trees in the swamp.
Then they find the skull of the rapist.
Everett tells Ruth of a local gang called Sons of Liberty that runs drugs, a scheme that Ever’s dead father was a part of. They go into Ever’s dad’s mechanic garage and break into his safe and find a deed to the rapist’s mom’s house, collateral he left to prevent him from stealing the drugs they were running. Ever comes up with a plan to plant this deed at the Sons of Liberty’s den, call in an anonymous tip, and hope the cops would piece together that the gang killed him and they would be off the hook.
They succeed with the plan but no arrests are made. Clearly the cops are covering for the gang.
Ruth goes on a quest to discover the truth of the town. It turns out- everyone is fucking evil, especially her dad. All the men of the town had a little witchy ritualistic thing going on, which involved beating the shit out of Ever. So fucking holy are they. All of this is because there was a big drug scheme. They funneled drugs from the local hospital and the fishing company trafficked them. The rituals were to promote success with this “business endeavor”. All so the reverend could have money for him and his church- something he is “entitled” to as a messenger of god. Puke.
His father even protected a pedophile who was actively abusing children so he could stay in the good graces of his rich ass super powerful father, the owner of the hospital. Who, upon his death, willed the entire hospital to the reverend. SUS.
Ok what else.
The deputy Barry, her supposed to be fiancé, tells Ruth that Ever killed his father, Fred the fishing dude, and the rapist. He’s a serial killer. Well first of all Ruth knows he didn’t kill his dad bc -surprise- Ruth killed his dad to save Ever from his relentless and brutal bearings. Good for her. Unfortunately she’s been bearing this secret and living swamped with guilt, chaining herself to her miserable life in this evil swamp as penance.
She runs to ever and tells him this secret, in exchange for his own. He tells her he knew and he could never hate her for it, she was protecting him. She suspects his secret is that he’s a vampire. Lol. I kinda thought that too ngl. He’s kind of hurt that she put this fantasy onto him. While he isn’t a vampire, he tells her that he is a monster in his own right.
Ever tells her he did kill Fred and the “accidental” death of the pedo wasn’t an accident after all. He is actually the serial killer they’ve been saying he is. Ruth decides this does not make him a monster. The real monster is her father, and justice will be served.
The town is a mob waiting to hang Ever without trial. They make a plan. They walk to the church, where they spot Ever and he leads the mob on a chase into the swamp. Ruth enters the church, where her parents and the fisherman’s wives are. She carries a torch and, as one last test of her fathers goodness, tells him to answer her questions truthfully or she’ll start a fire. She starts questioning him about everything. The drugs. The pedophile. The rituals. The child abuse. He denies it all, tho the fisherman’s wives are scandalized and the damage is probably already been done. With each denial he lights something on fire. She lets the woman go because she decides they shouldn’t be collateral damage. With her last move, she lights the will to the hospital on fire. He begins to choke her and she lights him on fire. She tosses the burning will over the bannister (they’re on a second floor) and he jumps to rescue it, falling to his death. Her and her mom leave the church. The mom lives or whatever but she fucking sucked too. She was a victim but she let her child be abused so fuck her. Anyways- the church is burning to the ground. “The Holy Fire” Baptist Church. How wonderfully symbolic. She escapes to a meeting point where Ever arrives in his car. They are going to escape and be in love and maybe every once in a while kill some bad guys. A few hours outside of town they are pursued by cops attempting to arrest them for arson and murder. They approach a bridge on the Texas border and the cops are raising the bridge. Ruth and Ever decide to brave the jump and hope the car lands on the other side. I like to think it did.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Misogyny, Murder, Religious bigotry, Physical abuse, and Sexism
Moderate: Addiction, Alcoholism, Drug use, Murder, Violence, Trafficking, Child abuse, and Rape
Minor: Abortion, Pedophilia, and Pregnancy
minimicropup's review against another edition
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
tense
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
3.5
Setting the Scene: 🇺🇸 Nestled in a small Louisiana parish wrapped in a bayou
POV: We’re following a young adult grappling with the effects of their sheltered religious upbringing as they try to branch out on their own in adult life.
Mood Reading Match-Up:
-Romantic suspense with coming-of-age friend crushes, will-they-or-wont-they, and unrequited loves
-Literary fiction meets dark cozy mystery + melancholic drama with depth
-Southern Bayou atmospheres, character driven narratives, and multiple timelines in an unhinged town with a sprinkling of supernatural
-Themes and exploration of hypocrisy, the many faces of good and evil, morally grey situations, protection, loyalty, platonic and romantic love, escape, healing, introspection and self-discovery, belief, nature vs nurture, tragedy, and longing.
----
🐺 Growls, Howls, and Tail Wags 🐕
🗣️ Tale-Telling: The first-person narrative pulled us into our main character, Ruth’s, mind. We were privy to her innermost thoughts and feelings…it’s like she was whispering secretively to us then going off on tangents in her own little world and other times rehashing things. I think it was a purposeful part of her character development and personality rather than a writing flaw though.
👥 Characters: Ruth is a complex character, but can be annoying, which I think is to be expected for someone who has grown up so sheltered, abused, and repressed. She’s navigating her identity, clouded by her fixation on fictional worlds and romance (like ‘Twilight’) and the struggle to break free from and recognize trauma.
(I don't think there was a Twilight obsession here or that it was overdone. It seemed immature at Ruth’s age that she was still using it sometimes to learn about herself and navigate her life by drawing parallels between herself and Bella. But it makes total sense since she wasn't given room for healthy self-growth and identity as a teen. )
(I don't think there was a Twilight obsession here or that it was overdone. It seemed immature at Ruth’s age that she was still using it sometimes to learn about herself and navigate her life by drawing parallels between herself and Bella. But it makes total sense since she wasn't given room for healthy self-growth and identity as a teen. )
🗺️ Ambiance: The Bayou setting was rich and palpable, and it was threaded throughout the story, so the atmosphere didn’t die out over time. The town and its inhabitants were as much a character as Ruth, adding layers to the setting in a kind of over-the-top, but believable way.
🔥 Fuel: The core of this story was the romantic tension and exploration of girlhood and adolescence. The murder ‘mystery’ is more about if the cases will be solved rather than what happened, and it takes a backseat to the romance and literary exploration of the other themes.
🎬 Scenes: The pace to me was slow, often delving into Ruth’s introspection and struggles with trust and love. But for romance enthusiasts, that may translate to depth and be a great read. If you’re going in expecting a mystery or thriller, it could feel like a drag. The romantic scenes seemed well crafted and cinematic though. I’m not a romance reader (no yucking yums, it’s just not for me), so this felt long, melancholic, and a little overly dramatic.
🤓 Random Thoughts: This is a literary fiction romantic drama with thoughtful commentary on how we judge young girls and their interests as cringe, silly, vapid, childish, stupid, or sinful. It also happens to have some murders in it...
This is not the mystery thriller it has been marketed as. It’s a deep, even beautiful story, but I think that’s getting lost in the frustration of readers who aren’t used to this genre (me) or who weren’t interested in reading that when they picked this book up (also me). I don’t regret reading it, nor did I want to DNF, but I felt a certain frustration in the moment, like I was tricked a bit into investing in the story.
This is not the mystery thriller it has been marketed as. It’s a deep, even beautiful story, but I think that’s getting lost in the frustration of readers who aren’t used to this genre (me) or who weren’t interested in reading that when they picked this book up (also me). I don’t regret reading it, nor did I want to DNF, but I felt a certain frustration in the moment, like I was tricked a bit into investing in the story.
----
Content Heads-Up: Physical child abuse (descriptive, on page). Sexual child abuse (recalled, discussion). Mental and emotional child abuse and neglect. Attempted rape. Adult/minor relationship (grooming). Murder. Corruption (institutional, religious). Drugs and organized crime. Alcoholism. Religious abuse, rituals, and trauma. Repression. Fire (injury, building). Sexual content (first experiences, fantasies, consenting).
Rep: White American. Pale and dark-skinned characters. Cis-gender. Heterosexual.
👀 Format: Library Digital
“Reviews are my musings 💖 powered by puppy snuggles 🐶 refined by my AI bookworm bestie ✨”
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Religious bigotry, Child abuse, and Emotional abuse
Moderate: Rape
Minor: Sexual content and Murder