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bisthesu's review
4.0
Ever since reading about Tal Ben-Shahar in a Boston Globe article (http://www.boston.com/news/local/articles/2006/03/10/harvards_crowded_course_to_happiness/ ) I've been interested to learn more about what he was teaching in his "sold out" Harvard course.
I haven't been disappointed. The main tenet of the book is that perfectionism often limits your success and even when it doesn't, you don't appreciate what you've achieved. He recommends becoming a optimalist (a new word he coined I believe) instead. An optimalist accepts failure as part of life, enjoys the journey instead of only the destination and is still able to achieve goals.
As one who has strong tendencies toward perfectionism, it's an especially useful read. He covers other useful areas like striking a balance between work, family and recreation, using personal examples. He uses his own life as an illustration on how to apply the principles he teaches. I find this quite helpful as it lets you in on his own experiences with perfectionism as well as giving you concrete examples to emulate in your own life.
I can't say whether this book had long-lasting affects yet but I plan to apply his suggestions in order to become an optimalist in time.
I agree with other reviewers that the reader detracted from the content. I would have preferred to hear the author read his book.
kiwi_fruit's review against another edition
4.0
Several interesting points about perfectionism. I liked the author’s views on the consequences in the individual’s relationship and society in general, e.g work, parenting and marriage. 3.5 stars
Favourite quotes:
“We now have a workforce full of people who need constant reassurance and can’t take criticism. Not a recipe for success in business, where taking on challenges, showing persistence, and admitting and correcting mistakes are essential.”
A new generation of children is being raised by adults who applaud loudly and reprimand meekly. One reason for doing so is the natural desire of parents and educators to be liked and the assumption that the child will like them more if they are generous with praise and frugal with criticism.
We convince ourselves that there is no limit to how far we can push ourselves, that just as science produces better, faster, more reliable and steady machines, we too can hone our abilities through modifying our nature. Adhering to the unconstrained view of human nature, we attempt to train ourselves to need less downtime—to sleep less, to rest less, to cease less—to do more and stretch ourselves beyond our limits. But, like it or not, there is a limit, and if we continue to violate nature’s demands, to abuse ourselves, we will pay the price—individually and as a society. The rising levels of mental health problems, coupled with improved psychiatric medication, are thrusting us toward a brave new world.
More and more couples engage in public displays of contention. Sanctioned by our culture of reality shows that have brought voyeurism to prime-time television, many couples feel comfortable airing their dirty laundry in public. Strife, when public, adds humiliation to the equation, embarrassing not only the person being chastised but also those who are forced to witness the interaction. In essence, what a relationship needs is basic respect and common courtesy.
One of the most significant benefits of suffering is that it breeds a deep respect for reality, for what is. While the experience of joy connects us to the realm of infinite possibilities, the experience of pain reminds us of our limitations.
Favourite quotes:
“We now have a workforce full of people who need constant reassurance and can’t take criticism. Not a recipe for success in business, where taking on challenges, showing persistence, and admitting and correcting mistakes are essential.”
A new generation of children is being raised by adults who applaud loudly and reprimand meekly. One reason for doing so is the natural desire of parents and educators to be liked and the assumption that the child will like them more if they are generous with praise and frugal with criticism.
We convince ourselves that there is no limit to how far we can push ourselves, that just as science produces better, faster, more reliable and steady machines, we too can hone our abilities through modifying our nature. Adhering to the unconstrained view of human nature, we attempt to train ourselves to need less downtime—to sleep less, to rest less, to cease less—to do more and stretch ourselves beyond our limits. But, like it or not, there is a limit, and if we continue to violate nature’s demands, to abuse ourselves, we will pay the price—individually and as a society. The rising levels of mental health problems, coupled with improved psychiatric medication, are thrusting us toward a brave new world.
More and more couples engage in public displays of contention. Sanctioned by our culture of reality shows that have brought voyeurism to prime-time television, many couples feel comfortable airing their dirty laundry in public. Strife, when public, adds humiliation to the equation, embarrassing not only the person being chastised but also those who are forced to witness the interaction. In essence, what a relationship needs is basic respect and common courtesy.
One of the most significant benefits of suffering is that it breeds a deep respect for reality, for what is. While the experience of joy connects us to the realm of infinite possibilities, the experience of pain reminds us of our limitations.
csd17's review
5.0
This is a secondary referral: meaning I heard Kevin Worthen quote from it and decided it might be worth looking into.
This book had it all... in the simplest language possible.
It talked about recovery from grief, how to avoid perfectionism, how to live with anxiety and where it comes from. I loved it. And would definitely recommend it highly. A simple read that contains enough truth to feel like you have something to chew on for the next couple of days.
Fun Fact: It was first published under "Being Happy." I discovered that when I tried to read one after the other. But I feel like this is a better title that more accurately reflects what the book is trying to do-- help perfectionists to recover.
This book had it all... in the simplest language possible.
It talked about recovery from grief, how to avoid perfectionism, how to live with anxiety and where it comes from. I loved it. And would definitely recommend it highly. A simple read that contains enough truth to feel like you have something to chew on for the next couple of days.
Fun Fact: It was first published under "Being Happy." I discovered that when I tried to read one after the other. But I feel like this is a better title that more accurately reflects what the book is trying to do-- help perfectionists to recover.
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