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Reviews tagging 'Panic attacks/disorders'
Nieuchwytni. Jak rozwiązywałem sprawy z Archiwum X by Paul Holes
35 reviews
cass_lit's review against another edition
3.25
On one hand, I think this was an interesting real-life look at the investigative side of true crime. I wasn’t a huge fan of the author’s tone throughout, but I understand that to be in his position you probably need to be a little aloof and detached personality-wise (and we do need people in his position to get the bad guys, unfortunately). I skipped through a lot of the very detailed descriptions of the EAR’s rapes and killings because that’s a hell of a lot more likely to happen to me as a woman than it is to Paul Holes — I guarantee most of us women and enby folks have worried about the same scenario in our head, we don’t need 50 gruesome stories of the same situation for us to imagine the horror.
I’ll add a few content warnings officially but in case I forget any — it’s literally anything you can imagine relating to rape and murder.
I’ll add a few content warnings officially but in case I forget any — it’s literally anything you can imagine relating to rape and murder.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Gore, Sexual violence, Torture, Death, Child death, Kidnapping, Murder, Rape, Sexual assault, and Stalking
Moderate: Panic attacks/disorders
elisabethshelby's review against another edition
dark
emotional
informative
mysterious
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
4.25
This book is the perfect read for anyone who loves Dateline or solving cold cases. Paul takes the reader behind the scenes to really understand what goes on when law enforcement reviews old cold cases. The details are specific, and sometimes even reading what goes on can be a bit jarring to realize. Hey, let's look at this face covered in maggots to try to determine a time of death. Oh....ok.
Paul's book mostly looks at his career-long hunt for the Golden State Killer, and his work towards finally tracking down the correct person. Between his hunt, he looks at other memorable cases he helped with, including Jaycee Duggard, Laci and Connor Petersen, and more. The stories are well told, and only in a handful of places does the narrative seem to slow down a little too much. For the most part, this is a well written story.
Paul's book mostly looks at his career-long hunt for the Golden State Killer, and his work towards finally tracking down the correct person. Between his hunt, he looks at other memorable cases he helped with, including Jaycee Duggard, Laci and Connor Petersen, and more. The stories are well told, and only in a handful of places does the narrative seem to slow down a little too much. For the most part, this is a well written story.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Gun violence, Injury/Injury detail, Panic attacks/disorders, Rape, Sexual violence, Stalking, Torture, Death, Drug abuse, Medical content, Medical trauma, Alcoholism, Kidnapping, Violence, Murder, Sexual assault, Domestic abuse, and Child death
gimmiiie's review against another edition
dark
informative
sad
fast-paced
5.0
"Healing is subjective, but the scars never fade, and the pain is always a breath away" P.3
This is a heavy, real, and informative book. Paul Holes is honest, real, and personable. I have been a fan of Paul Holes and his work to bring justice to victims. Reading his experiences and struggles with mental illness.
This is a heavy, real, and informative book. Paul Holes is honest, real, and personable. I have been a fan of Paul Holes and his work to bring justice to victims. Reading his experiences and struggles with mental illness.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Rape, Murder, and Racism
Moderate: Violence, Body horror, Grief, Addiction, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Hate crime, Medical content, Torture, Suicide, Blood, Injury/Injury detail, Medical trauma, Child death, Death, Gore, Gun violence, Panic attacks/disorders, Physical abuse, and Sexual assault
ajediprincess's review against another edition
dark
informative
mysterious
tense
medium-paced
4.0
This book was extremely fascinating, if not a little disturbing. I do not normally read true crime. I’m typically very sensitive to subject matter that would incite fear and anxiety. But, my library has an annual reading challenge that involves reading books from 50 different genres, so I chose this book to fit the “true crime memoir” category. It was good—well written, interesting, cinematic, and it had the sort of feeling of sitting down and talking to a friend who is a detective, a detective who is really passionate about his job and kind of overshares without realizing it. That’s what reading this book was like for me.
I loved hearing about the crime solving tactics and strategies and all the dead ends and false leads Det. Holes experienced through his work. As someone who has worked for the police for the better part of a decade, I will always find the methods detectives use to solve cases to be infinitely fascinating. Cold cases are especially interesting to me, I think, because of the feeling of justice finally being meted out after years with no resolution. For those reasons, I thought I would love this book, when a friend in my forensics lab recommended it to me. To a certain extent, I did. But, it was difficult for me to get through this book without wincing and feeling bone-chillingly frightened at times.
While Det. Holes does a great job of mentally bringing the reader into his office and unpacking his thought process when trying to solve a cold case, he also delves pretty deeply into the crime details and methods of the East Area Rapist/Original Night Stalker/Golden State Killer and sets the scene for each horrific attack. Between 1974 and 1986, EAR/ONS/GSK committed 120 burglaries, 51 rapes, and 13 murders; and, while Holes doesn’t explore every single one, he does touch on several that stood out to him. I was deeply unsettled by the way Holes described individual attacks as though I was watching a flashback to the night that these crimes occurred. Perhaps that was the point, but I could have done without the somewhat cinematic detail. It is clear that Det. Holes has a great deal of empathy—that the injustice of these cold cases and the psychological wounds they left on each surviving victim haunt him regularly. I suppose the way Holes tells his story is meant to share that experience with the reader and if so, job well done.
One of the most interesting and compelling aspects of this book for me was seeing how the development of technology, particularly the progression of DNA research and genealogy tracing, has affected the police department over the years and really can mean the difference between apprehending the bad guy or unwittingly allowing the perpetrator to get away with murder. Det. Holes describes this experience as he worked relentlessly to identify the monstrous person behind these vile crimes in California and how the progression of technology across forty years was a key factor in solving these cold cases. Holes also describes his experience with some of the more bureaucratic aspects of working in law enforcement and how it can sometimes feel like one is banging one’s head against a wall of red tape, which is something I can relate to.
As with most memoirs, the reader gets to know the man behind the detective badge in this book and Paul Holes becomes something of a friend by the end. He shares in detail about his personal struggles with alcohol, night terrors, panic attacks, navigating relationships as a husband and father, and trying but failing to achieve the coveted “work-life balance.” I really felt for the guy as I was reading about the agonizing dichotomy between his wishes, hopes, and plans for his life and the crushing reality he faced daily. There are many ways one could look at Det. Holes’s story: the triumph of a modern day superhero, the cautionary tale of a man who gave up too much for the demands of his job, the self-absorbed boasting of a real-life Sherlock Holmes who let celebrity go to his head, the obsessive ravings of a cold case addict unable to resist the next “hit,” list goes on. One thing is for certain though, Paul Holes is a damn good detective.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Stalking, Murder, Panic attacks/disorders, Rape, Sexual assault, and Physical abuse
sky_maris's review against another edition
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
4.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Alcoholism, Grief, Murder, and Panic attacks/disorders
Moderate: Kidnapping, Child death, Violence, Death, Gun violence, Injury/Injury detail, Medical content, Mental illness, Murder, Pedophilia, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, and Stalking
ame_lepage's review against another edition
dark
emotional
informative
mysterious
tense
medium-paced
3.75
I picked this book up on a whim. I really had no expectations, so I really didn't know what I was getting into.
I would like to say first that this book has many trigger warnings: very graphic rape and murder scenes, portrayal of depression and PTSD, and just mental health issues in general. I sometimes had a hard time getting through some parts.
This memoir was eye-opening in many ways. I've always been a fan of true crime and getting a behind-the-scenes perspective was interesting. Paul Holes' story is fascinating and I'm glad that I discovered his story.
The end really allowed us to see the deep connexion between Paul and the victims. You could see how emotionally involved he was in the different cases and I honestly teared up a little.
However, I do think that the book ended up being a little bit repetitive. He talks a lot about different cases that he delt with throughout his career, but at the end, they were pretty similar.
The ending was filled with scientific terms that kept me from fully understanding the Golden State Killer case's conclusion. The writer did overall a good job at making the science palatable. But she kind of dropped the ball at the end.
Overall, I'm glad I read this. It's not the best memoir that I have ever read, but it certainly was interesting.
I would like to say first that this book has many trigger warnings: very graphic rape and murder scenes, portrayal of depression and PTSD, and just mental health issues in general. I sometimes had a hard time getting through some parts.
This memoir was eye-opening in many ways. I've always been a fan of true crime and getting a behind-the-scenes perspective was interesting. Paul Holes' story is fascinating and I'm glad that I discovered his story.
The end really allowed us to see the deep connexion between Paul and the victims. You could see how emotionally involved he was in the different cases and I honestly teared up a little.
However, I do think that the book ended up being a little bit repetitive. He talks a lot about different cases that he delt with throughout his career, but at the end, they were pretty similar.
The ending was filled with scientific terms that kept me from fully understanding the Golden State Killer case's conclusion. The writer did overall a good job at making the science palatable. But she kind of dropped the ball at the end.
Overall, I'm glad I read this. It's not the best memoir that I have ever read, but it certainly was interesting.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Panic attacks/disorders, Grief, Blood, Mental illness, Murder, Violence, Body horror, Gore, Rape, Torture, Sexual violence, Sexual assault, Death, and Child death
Moderate: Alcoholism and Alcohol
bekah1210's review against another edition
dark
informative
mysterious
reflective
sad
medium-paced
5.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Violence, Torture, Rape, Sexual violence, and Sexual assault
Minor: Child death, Death, Kidnapping, Panic attacks/disorders, Stalking, Mental illness, and Child abuse
beccaboo2216's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
informative
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
A look into the capture and unmasking of The Golden State Killer and the unmasking of cold case investigator Paul Holes. This book details Paul's journey with anxiety, PTSD, and panic attacks in the aftermath of facing some of the worst crime scenes in history.
Cases are described respectfully and from Paul's perspective with facts sprinkled in. I thought it well done.
Still amazed I got to see him speak live last month at his book talk. He even signed my copy of this book!
A well-written story focused on the consequences of reality and of following a career you were designed to fulfill. 4.5 stars (rounded to 4)
This lost half a star for me because I struggled with the writing a bit. The memoir hit all the main points throughout Paul's life and his career but some sections felt rushed, confusing, and seemly popping out of nowhere. I had to read multiple paragraphs over to understand what was happening.
Overall, I recommend this to any true crime fanatics and those who have or are looking to have careers in criminal justice.
Cases are described respectfully and from Paul's perspective with facts sprinkled in. I thought it well done.
Still amazed I got to see him speak live last month at his book talk. He even signed my copy of this book!
A well-written story focused on the consequences of reality and of following a career you were designed to fulfill. 4.5 stars (rounded to 4)
This lost half a star for me because I struggled with the writing a bit. The memoir hit all the main points throughout Paul's life and his career but some sections felt rushed, confusing, and seemly popping out of nowhere. I had to read multiple paragraphs over to understand what was happening.
Overall, I recommend this to any true crime fanatics and those who have or are looking to have careers in criminal justice.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Pedophilia, Blood, Rape, Sexual violence, Child death, Death, Injury/Injury detail, Murder, and Sexual assault
Moderate: Torture, Stalking, Kidnapping, Panic attacks/disorders, and Medical trauma
Minor: Alcohol
kkalicky94's review against another edition
dark
emotional
informative
mysterious
sad
tense
fast-paced
5.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Grief, Kidnapping, Murder, Stalking, Suicide, Pedophilia, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Child abuse, Child death, Death, Panic attacks/disorders, Torture, and Violence
joensign's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Murder, Rape, and Sexual assault
Moderate: Panic attacks/disorders