brynalexa's review

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informative reflective medium-paced

5.0

Reading this book felt like someone understood me for the very first time. It will be frequently useful when disclosing my disabilities and access needs to others. It was dense with information but very easy to read. 

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cleot's review

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hopeful informative inspiring reflective medium-paced

5.0


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eldritch_ace's review

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emotional informative inspiring reflective slow-paced

4.0


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maddelpop's review

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informative inspiring reflective medium-paced

4.25


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careinthelibrary's review against another edition

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hopeful informative medium-paced

4.5


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jcinf's review

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hopeful inspiring lighthearted reflective medium-paced

5.0

As much as I wanted to breeze through this, I had to take my time to fully digest everything the author said. 

So many good, actionable “worksheets”/charts in here. I left them blank so I can go back to them and take my time filling them out. 

The author’s recognition of multiply marginalized people and not applying blanket advice to unmask was good to see. And just acknowledging that it’s not always safe to unmask is great. Nuance makes me so happy. 

Also with nuance: the awareness of getting a professional diagnosis and how it can be helpful or harmful, I love. 

And the recognition of the value of self-diagnosing — or as the author says “self-realizing” made me feel seen. 

One pet peeve: he called an individual Autistic person “neurodiverse” — instead of “neurodivergent.” One person cannot be neurodiverse. 

Neurodiverse is a term that describes the diversity of neurotypes. Aka: a group of people. 

Neurodivergent is a term that describes an individual who diverges from dominant societal norms. 

All trigger warnings are mentioned but do not go into descriptive detail. They’re merely mentioned to create a well-rounded discussion on the intersecting “issues” surrounding Autism. 

_______________________
Extended review:
Favorite quotes below. They’re long, but I like to write them down. 

“I absorbed the idea, common to many “gifted” children, that a person’s intellectual potential belongs to society, not to themselves, and that they owe the world greatness to justify their oddness.”

“Neurotypical brains engage in sensory adaptation and habituation; the longer they are in the presence of a sound, smell, texture, or visual cue, the more their brain learns to ignore it, and allow it to fade into the background. Their neurons become less likely to be activated by a cue the longer they are around it. The exact opposite is true for Autistic people: the longer we are around a stimulus, the more it bothers us.”

“You cannot craft a comfortable or worthwhile life if you don’t know who you really are, or if your self-image is shaped entirely by rules imposed upon you by other people. Thankfully, it is possible to step away from defining yourself by the approval of other people, and by your adherence to society’s rules.” 

“‘It’s neurotypical who categorized autism as a social disorder.’ Autistic people don’t lack communication skills, or a drive to connect. We aren’t doomed to forever feel lonely and broken. We can step out of the soul-crushing cycle of reaching for neurotypical acceptance and being reject despite our best efforts. Instead, we can support and uplift one another, and create our own neurodiverse world where everyone — including neurotypicals — is welcome.”

“We all deserve to take a step back and ask whether our lives line up with our values, whether the work we do and the face we show to others reflects our genuine self, and if not, what we might want to change.
When we accept individuals as they are, instead of warring with their unique needs and challenges, life can move at a more relaxed, accepting pace. A world that allows all Autistics to safely unmask is a world where anyone with strange interests, passionate emotions, environmental sensitivities, social quirks, or other differences is still seen as worthy and whole.”

“The opposite of alienation is integration. The psychological sense of connection and wholeness people whose identities are integrated can see a through line, connecting the many selves they have been across various times and places.”

“Stepping back and taking a look at my key memories and core values, I can see that I’m a dynamic powerful clearheaded person… I’m so different from the inept, powerless, clueless, needy, figure that I have always worried people might see me as I’m also nothing like the frigid passive intellectual, I’ve often masked myself as.”

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michaelion's review

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challenging hopeful informative tense medium-paced

4.5

I didn't read this book. Page after page after page, this book read me.

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spacekee's review against another edition

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challenging informative reflective medium-paced

4.25


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charlinem's review

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hopeful informative reflective medium-paced

4.5


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dakotaa_jpg's review against another edition

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informative reflective medium-paced

4.0

This book is very useful as a person who just got an ADHD dx that suspects im likely also autistic. Ive read quite a few books on ADHD but this is a good entry book for Autism imo. The author uses really accessible language and easily connectable anecdotes that make it feel especially helpful in trying to gather more information to advocate for oneself as a masked autistic person as well as potentially trying to push for a formal dx. I listened to the audiobook, which felt very well paced.

The only thing I didnt like (as a Black reader) was the author's clear attempt to accomodate racial differences while being bogged down by their likely subconcious biases. I felt like they did an excellent job talking about masking as a gender minority/trans person (which tracks bc thats their experiences) but their inability to specify whiteness in certain phrases (saying "girls and PoC" instead of "white girls and PoC erases WoC and others them; as well as talking about how autistic people get trapped in far right spaces when its primarily white autistic people), as well as a lack of discussion on how one might safely unmask as a racial minority (although it was brought up that it is unsafe, and explained that if society changes this will be alleviated, there were no personal solutions to alleviating the stress it causes), and how Black autistics and other autistics of color might find community in autistic spaces that are dominated by white people.

Obviously I understand that the author likely didnt consider these things and wouldntve thought to, but in a book by clearly well researched/well read academic, with a lot of anecdotes from people of different racial minorities in the Autistic community I found it weird that there were no resources offered or mention of the author's own shortcomings in this area. Im also acknowledging that these couldve been addressed in the print copy, but in the audiobook there was nothing.

Something that I found confusing was the way that the ADHD/Autism comorbitity was defined. The author mentions that there is an insanely high comorbitity rate for these disabilities, but then doesnt explain how that might present and even goes on to describe the differences in the way that these brains work (ie: the autistic brain does xyz while the adhd brain does the opposite). Im confused why the comorbitity was brought up if there wasnt going to be a discussion on what that comorbitity looks like. Especially in a book about people who likely would've gotten ignored about having one or both of these disabilities. I thought that section was unhelpful

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