Take a photo of a barcode or cover
3.77 AVERAGE
3.77 AVERAGE
without a doubt, one of the best romance novels i’ve ever read!
Cal and Row are seriously a match made in heaven!
Grumpy sunshine with the king of grumps? Sign me up!
Grumpy sunshine with the king of grumps? Sign me up!
all the icky bits and how it fell off towards the end aside….loved the banter, the side characters’ humour and how obsessed he was with her :(
emotional
funny
hopeful
lighthearted
fast-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
Quirky, funny, and a little Hallmark-esque. I enjoyed this book and the spicy scenes were definitely well done!
emotional
funny
hopeful
inspiring
lighthearted
reflective
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
N/A
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
This book has my emotions all over the place. I loved Cal and Row and all of the side characters added so much to the story. The tension and spice, the love declarations, Cal overcoming and healing from her trauma, the yearning. I loved everything
dark
emotional
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
dark
slow-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
N/A
Strong character development:
N/A
Loveable characters:
No
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Complicated
When I’m writing this, the whole of the USA is in a massive heatwave. That doesn’t sound important, but this does come in in a later section. So, just keep that in mind. Also, there will be spoilers, you have been warned.
I’ll be honest, I didn’t have high hopes going in. A five-hundred-page dark romance book doesn’t bode well for me, as I’ve never come across a dark romance done right and this… meets those expectations! My friend and her partner tried to hate read this for entertainment and got to chapter three. And so, curious, I started to read this after them. It can’t be that bad… right?
Oh boy. This is going to be a long one.
The Writing
First and foremost, I’m going to start with the most harmless thing. The writing. LJ Shen… cannot write! This feels like a child who just learned about Ao3, and fanfiction wrote this. It’s rudimentary, boring, and honestly, just immature. It doesn’t feel like an adult romance book. This feels like a YA book with sex in it, and that’s an insult to the intelligence of YA.
There’s typos (attendant was spelled as attendenr) and spacing problems (I caught two words not spaced together and no space between “” and the dialogue tag). Things that an editor could have easily caught, if not Word or any other writing program would have alerted you to. Which tells me that LJ Shen doesn’t actually care about writing something good.
Which is unfortunate, I do think romance gets a terrible reputation, especially dark romance. And this is because of authors like LJ Shen who don’t take the time to plan out and write a good story, but something that can get her rocks off. And I do think it’s a problem to promote books like this and make them popular.
Adults deserve quality writing. This isn’t it.
The Plot
What plot? No genuinely… what plot? Nothing of note really happens and when the mystery really starts to gain traction, it’s well past 50% of the book. I don’t know why this is a continuous problem in books, but there’s no reason for this to be 500 pages.
The mystery of who is sabotaging Row should have started at most 20%. Something that happened at Cal’s father’s funeral while he was away from the restaurant perhaps? I don’t know, but the fact that it took this long and that it was solved off page because the romance took precedent is frustrating. Especially when this could have truly showcased Cal’s interest in true crime and solving mysteries. It would have been interesting to see her actually have a personality, but I’m getting ahead of myself.
But yeah, this section isn’t too long because it’s a dreadful, surface level plot with barely any stakes and tension.
The Characters
Where do I start? Aside from everyone having the IQ of children, all of these characters suck. All of these characters have horrible personalities, and I want to stay away from all of them. Especially Row. I want a permanent restraining order from him.
Cal: Cal is an adorkable, clumsy sweet wittle itty bitty little gal. She’s dumber than a sack of rocks. She’s the typical cardboard cut out of the itsy bitsy “smol” girl who can’t do anything by herself. How she’s managed to live on her own this far is beyond me. The only real personality trait I can garner from her is that she wants a true crime podcast. Which… God, awful. Awful! She was once a runner, but after an incident in high school (I will get to that later) she doesn’t run anymore and then she has to train for a 10k marathon per her dad’s final wishes. I have parents who used to do marathons. Eight weeks, especially for someone who stopped doing it for years, is not enough prep. Hell, it’s not enough prep for experienced runners! She needed at least twelve. And the fact she wasn’t keeling over by the end of it is a notch in the ‘she’s just that perfect’ in the post. When she starts recording her podcast, everyone is enamored by how good she is because ‘she’s just that perfect’.
Her androphobia is… barely there. There’s a scene in the beginning where Row and her roughhouse after her dad’s funeral (weird!) and he pins her and all she can think is how horny she is. Despite not having been around Row for five years, the fact she considers him safe rather than ‘oh my God, this is terrifying!” is unrealistic. I have a fear of spiders and a fear of heights, and if I can avoid it (even pictures) I will. I even started to become agoraphobic but thanks to therapy and my support system of friends, I’m doing my best to prevent this. There are no exceptions when it comes to phobias. They are powerful, scary and very debilitating. There’s no reason why Row should be an exception to this. Other than that, there’s not much to her. That’s because LJ Shen intended for the readers to pretend to be her because Row’s more important despite her being the main character.
Row: Oh boy, where do I start with Row? LJ Shen wrote Gordon Ramsey if Gordon Ramsey was actually an asshole. I hope she understands that that’s for the cameras and he’s shown multiple times that he’s a genuine caring person (he is gentle with kids and amateurs, he quieted down when a person on his show was having a PTSD flashback) and that he only is an asshole to chefs who think they’re all that. Like Row, funny enough! Row is a grade A asshole, racist (I’ll get to that) and a statistic waiting to happen (I’ll get to that too). He’s unpleasant, unfunny and dangerous. He’s the kind of guy women would avoid in real life. In fact, I think most people would. And I have yet to find a good explanation on why women find him hot.
He yells at everyone, threatens everyone and reading his POV was agonizing. He objectifies every woman he sees and if he can’t objectify them, he’ll tear them down. He’s a misogynist through and through and romanticizing these kind of men, in this kind of political climate is dangerous. Row thinks he deserves everything, that because his dad was a piece of shit, he gets to be an asshole. No Row, you need therapy. NOW.
Could he have been a poignant critique on the cycle of abuse? Maybe. But he’s not. Everyone finds him hot, even other straight men (because bisexual and gay people cease to exist in LJ’s world) when he’s ugly, inside and out. A strong jawline will not save you from the fact that he’s just a terrible guy.
Rhyland, Dylan: I put them together because they don’t do much or add much. Rhyland is the “funny” sidekick and makes quips that would make even Spider-Man cringe. And Dylan is Row’s sister and Cal’s best ex-friend who’s pregnant now. And uh, there’s weird takes about pregnancy (which, I know it’s not for everyone, but Dylan insulting her baby constantly and then somehow going back to the perfect body type despite bodies changing after pregnancy is normal and should be normalize is weird! -- Side note: I do know it's possible that women can go back to the body that once had, albeit rare, I still think we should normalize bodies changing and that post-pregnancy bodies can and are desirable. Though, I've been informed that the next book is about Dylan so I guess LJ Shen can't fathom the idea that a woman have pregnancy fat while in a romance...). There’s not much to them, just side characters.
Alison: Cartoonishly evil for a contemporary story. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but what she did in high school feels unrealistic. Maybe it’s the high school I was in, but if something like what Cal went through happened, the girls in my school would kill that boy. And maybe it’s the crowd I was around, who all had their own traumas, but they did look out for each other. Even when not seeing eye to eye. Of course, though, because this is an average romance, we got to check off the ‘pitting the women against each other’ because this is a misogynist neckbeard’s fantasy and anything that goes against society’s grain does not happen in this book.
The Trauma
A massive trigger warning for this section. It includes talks of SA, Rape, CSAM, Grooming, Pedophilia, Physical Abuse, Stalking, Alcoholism (briefly), Overdose (very briefly), and Assault.
With that out of the way, let’s talk about it.
Cal, when fourteen, was manipulated into dating a boy in her school who was an eighteen-year-old senior. He made her engage in sexual acts, he made her send him nudes and then he proceeds to post those nudes on the internet. This is unfortunately something that happens. Revenge porn is so dangerous and traumatic. When Alison learns of this, she and the track team assaults her because Alison had a crush on that boy (which to me feels unrealistic). Because LJ Shen doesn’t want actually talk about these things, or treat this with any sort of tact, the boy dies off screen from an overdose.
This only exists to give Row something to “fix” (and to make Row look better because he’s actually a POS) because that’s what partners are for, right? He even has this to say about it.
“‘Unfortunately, I'm [Row] not a good a liar as you. I can't stop thinking of you, and it's killing me. Killing me that I somehow ended up wanting the only girl I could not have. That someone came along and ruined you before I had the chance to show you how great it could be...’”
I too am a victim. I won’t go into detail, but I was so angry when I saw this. Victims aren’t broken (even if they feel that way), they are not ruined. It is offensive to even try and insinuate that Row is unfortunate that he wants “the only girl” that has some kind of sexual trauma. Which also is minimizing the amount of assault that occurs. According to Charlie Health, in 2024 alone 53% of women and 29% of men in the US had reported some form of sexual violence towards them (attempted or completed). According to RAINN, someone is sexually assaulted every 68 seconds. It’s more common than not. And that isn’t going into the 98.9% that isn’t reported at all.
Row is also a victim. On page 338, Cal gives him a blowjob while he’s asleep (yes I’m aware somnophilia exists). The thing is, he only stated that he wanted one. He didn’t give Cal permission to give him one when he was asleep, or in the morning. Just that he wanted one. By all means, this makes Cal a rapist as well. But of course this isn’t taken seriously, it’s so funny and sexy.
Row isn’t a saint either. He confesses to Cal that he had feelings for her since he was fourteen. They are four years apart, she was ten. TEN. And then he proceeds to have sex with her when she’s freshly eighteen and he’s twenty-two. That’s grooming, and weird and gross. Plain and simple. He knew what he wanted from her since he was fourteen.
Continuing on, Row’s father is exposed to be an alcoholic. An abusive alcoholic and mostly abused his mother, but his mother’s abuse only exists to make Row look misunderstood and “broken”. And while this does have an effect on a child, it still doesn’t excuse his asshole behavior.
In the earlier part of the book, Row threatens to kill Cal if she messes up as a waitress at his restaurant. And it’s played off as ‘that’s just Row’. It’s not. It’s not funny or sexy. It’s dangerous. According to domesticviolenceresearch.org 80% of individuals have reported being victims of emotional abuse (this includes in response to provocation and coercion intended to monitor, control and threaten). And according to georgiafatalityreview.com 55% of victims reported death threats and 38% of victims reported death threats with weapons. Of those 12% of victims reported that the perpetrator used a weapon against them previously. And according to the Bureau of Justice Statistics 34% of 4,970 women were murdered by an intimate partner in 2021 alone.
This doesn’t even go into the fact that Row was stalking Cal by pretending to be someone else in the androphobia forums as McMonster. According to domesticviolenceresearch.org, 4.1% to 8% of women (which is just under 1 in 10 women) report at least one incident of stalking. See how this isn’t romantic? It’s scary. Row is scary. And if Cal was actually smart and into true crime, going no contact with Row is the smartest thing to do.
The Politics
A massive trigger warning for this section. It includes talks of SA, Rape, and Assault.
A massive trigger warning for this section. It includes talks of SA, Rape, and Assault.
So, if you’re American, you’re no stranger to the events currently unfolding. In fact, you’re probably exhausted from all the bullshit. And before I hear anything about how you don’t want politics in books, you’re very privileged to think like that. It is, whether conscious or unconscious. And as a gay trans man with friends in the LGBTQ+ I do have to be aware of what I’m reading. I don’t get the luxury of reading for fun.
This book is filled with misogyny. Row is the big strong alpha man who does everything for Cal. Cal is the itty-bitty little girl who can’t do a thing for herself. The women around Row, aside from his mother and sister are objectified by him, or torn down by both him and Cal, because God forbid a woman be a person.
Before we know Alison is the villain (and I still don’t think it excuses the novel and by proxy LJ Shen to talk about her like this) this is how she’s talked about.
“Allison Murray and I [Row] had seen each other a handful of times when I first moved back. It lasted barely a couple of weeks. She was like a Range Rover. Pure status symbol and unreasonably high maintenance. Her entire allure was that Cal seemed to hate her, and Cal didn't hate anyone.”
“She [Allison] had tried too hard to impress me [Row], to keep me, to seduce me, which resulted in me breaking things off before I'd even had a chance to take her for a spin.”
“‘Is it just me, or does Allison have more plastic on her face than the Container Store?’ Dylan [Row's sister] chatted happily...
“Fuckface [Kieran -- Row's rival] turned to me [Row], changing the subject. ‘Hey, I didn't know that you and Allison used to knock boots. I took her to prom, you know.’
‘Had no idea she was contaminated. I'll scrub extra hard today in the shower,’ I drawled
‘Be sure to use bleach too. We were drunk that night and some funky things went down.’ Kieran tipped an imaginary hat...”
And this is how he talks about the love of his life, Cal.
“Anger flared through me [Row]. Yesterday, I'd been hoping the hot, desire-soaked need to plow Cal and fuck her until she was boneless was the result of being abstinent for too long. But no. Carrying a muddy, disheveled, panicked Cal to safety apparently made me harder than having a willing woman in a full sexy-librarian outfit try to undress me in my back office.”
He’s disgusting, he only thinks with his dick. And with women’s rights on the chopping block and rampant misogyny on the rise, I don’t think this should be rewarded or romanticized. I think Row and every man in the book deserves a life away from women in general.
LJ Shen has made it really clear she’s a right winger with Andrew Tate’s boot in her mouth. There’s a few different sections where it certainly felt that way. Here’s a few examples.
“‘Row was always the dark and moody type.’ Mom let out a dreamy giggle. ‘It’s part of his charm. They don’t make ‘em like they used to.’
‘What, murder-y?’ I [Cal] squeezed one eye shut, scrunching my nose.
‘Alpha-y. It’s all about cinnamon rolls and consent these days.’
‘Yeah. Consent. So gross, right?’ I pinned her with a pointed look.
Mom laughed. ‘Oh, you know what I mean.’”
Unfortunately, no, we don’t find out what she means. And it just sticks there. An awkward joke, especially when the President is a rapist. Especially when 1 in 5 women in the USA experience completed or attempted rape, especially when 51.1% of women experience rape by an intimate partner, especially when 734,630 people in the USA alone experienced threatened, completed or attempted rape in 2018 (nsvrc.org). But please, continue to explain how funny it is. It’s not like rape culture is still a deep-rooted issue in society and most victims aren’t taken seriously. And before anyone says anything about false rape claims, those make up 2% to 10% of all claims. Not enough for claims not to be taken seriously.
Row randomly thinks this in Chapter Twenty-Three.
“There were countless things I disliked in this world. A never-ending list of shit that ground my gears. To name a few: overcooked seafood, foreign films that win Oscars, any music made after 2015, the vast majority of humans, and porn that had more than three minutes of plot.”
Aside from him sounding shallow as hell, LJ Shen casually just makes her male love interest racist. He was definitely one of the ones who had a meltdown when Parasite won Best Picture or when Flow won Best Animated Film. Was he mad when Flee was nominated? Why is this even in here? I don’t see how LJ Shen fans can defend this. Dark, broody love interest aside, are you really going to die on the hill that a racist is hot? How does that not turn you off? Even it is fictional, he’s a racist we’re supposed to root for, when then makes LJ Shen’s views come into question. If she thinks this is funny somehow, then she probably holds some bigoted views too. And again, with the rise of racism in the USA, I think this is tone deaf and incredibly unfunny. Row is a lot of unredeemable things, and now racism is on there too.
And finally, there’s this:
“Tate schooled disapprovingly in his Tom Ford suit, fighting his gag reflex. ‘Yeah. Bill Gates owns the same model. His is older, though.’ He yanked off his dark leather gloves one finger at a time. ‘He’s doing this whole green thing now. What’s it called?’
‘Global warming?’
‘Yeah, that liberal nonsense.’”
As if it wasn’t clear before what side LJ Shen is on, then here you go. Climate Change/Global Warming , whatever you want to call it is not “liberal nonsense”. I think this massive heatwave is proof enough, but in case it’s not, here’s proof. According to climate.gov, 2024 was the warmest year in global records since global records began in 1850 by a wide margin as it was 2.32 °F (1.18 °C) above the 20th-century average of 57.0 °F (13.9 °C) and 2.62 °F (1.35 °C) above the pre-industrial average of 56.7 °F (1850-1900). The last ten years (2015 – 2024) have been the hottest on record and it’s been 48 years since there’s been a colder-than-average-year. And it’s only getting hotter.
Conclusion
All in all, this was definitely a waste of time, and the last book I ever read by LJ Shen. The only props I can give her is that she doesn’t promote herself as a feminist author. It’s clear from her writing she’s one of those conservative women who wouldn’t mind setting us back to the 1700s.
And again, before telling me that characters can have different views from authors, may I remind you that the quotes I used are mostly from Row. The one about consent is Cal’s mother, who receives barely any pushback and zero explanation of her point of view. And the one about global warming is from Tate, who is barely an antagonist and receives zero pushback from Row. Also, considering that there’s multiple times Elon Musk is referenced positively by LJ Shen herself, it’s safe to say she most likely shares these views as most of them are conservative talking points.
I’m begging people to start realizing what they are reading. It does have an effect, and we should be more aware, especially as more and more books are being banned. Reading doesn’t happen in a vacuum and the sooner we realize that, the better books we can get from authors and publishers alike.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Bullying, Sexual content, Death of parent, Sexual harassment
Moderate: Alcoholism, Body shaming, Violence, Pregnancy
Minor: Domestic abuse, Infidelity, Xenophobia, Injury/Injury detail
There is a lot of grooming/allusions to grooming
There is a dubcon/noncon scene
A lot of Andrew Tateism/alt-right propoganda/toxic masculinity
There is a mention of spreading a minor's nudes (revenge porn and CSAM)
