Reviews with content warning for Domestic abuse - You Exist Too Much

Reviews tagging 'Domestic abuse'

You Exist Too Much by Zaina Arafat

26 reviews

lebishop13's review against another edition

dark emotional sad slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.0

Despite adoring the title, I didn't feel like this book delivered more than "this was fine" to me. It felt like a heavy-handed take on generational trauma that maybe a younger me would have liked. Also, I think that unlikable protagonists are just not my jam.

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throwback682's review against another edition

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emotional slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.75

A bisexual Palestinian American codependent woman acts out her relationship with her abusive mother against various romantic partners.

This book seemed to drag and then ended pretty abruptly. I didn’t really care about the protagonist; she wasn’t very sympathetic. But maybe she’s too much like me, I don’t know.

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errie's review against another edition

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Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.5

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binevolentbookworm's review against another edition

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dark emotional reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

“It is a bizarre and unsettling feeling, to exist in a liminal state between two realms, unable to attain full access to one or the other.”

i finally got around to reading this book and many have shared incredible and varying reviews, so this is less a formal review of mine, and more the feelings it dredged up for me articulated. (this is more personal than i usually get, so i thank you for endeavoring and enduring.)

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i hear all of the time from friends, readers, movie goers, etc., “the main character was very unlikeable, but i liked her.”

so what is it about these people, most often women, who fit into the “unlikeable” character trope that makes us still, in the end, like them? i found myself contemplating this while reading YOU EXIST TOO MUCH, where the unnamed main character, a twenty something american palestinian woman, struggles with the “liminal state” of her identity and belonging; contributing to her self-destructivism, constant breaking of moral codes and only sometimes showing remorse (but only when she’s caught), along with her journey of healing. i got to about half way through the book and made a note in my reading journal here, “everyone talks about what an unlikable character she is, but i actually like her. i see some of my own behaviors reflected back at me, opening me up to forgiving myself for who i was in my early 20s.”

i wonder, when we read these books, or see these characters in tv, are we simply feeding into a voyeuristic nature? the parts of ourselves that enjoy bad reality television, rubbernecking, watching someone hurt themselves for the laugh (because yes, i am but a millennial who grew up watching jackass). is reading about self-destructing characters, or unlikeable women, the “safe” way to feed into that desire and, in turn, feel that we haven’t compromised our own morality?

i find, from a personal stance, that in many of these characters and their stories, i see etchings of my own weak moments, my own flaws, the most difficult parts of my own human nature reflected back at me. and while what makes these characters unlikable is flagrant, the circumstances often bizarre and over the top – the offenses not exactly as i have done or would actually do – they are still reminiscent, echos of moments i’m not proud of.

at first, all we see is a debauched, or maybe gross, apathetic character - someone who makes so many of the wrong decisions, hurts people seemingly with no mind of the outcome, but over the course of these stories, we are also given a framework for this, allowed a look into their mind in the midst of the pages, and we can step back, see the how and the why of these characters and their identities. sometimes they are given redemption arcs and we have the opportunity to forgive, and sometimes we’re left wanting, the end 'living rent free' in our minds, and we’re never in control of that, but we are in control of our own narrative.

in YOU EXIST TOO MUCH much of the main character’s exact experiences were unlike my own and quite frankly, she needed therapy beyond a month long stint in love addiction rehab, but i still found myself drawn to empathy and compassion, despite her constant actions to provoke otherwise, because she reflected back at me some of my darker thoughts and moments in life. it made me see that i am growing into enjoying reading these stories, and allowing space for these flawed characters to work up the more uncomfortable feelings in myself.

if you enjoyed this book, and want to read more books featuring unlikeable women, i recommend Luster, Milk Fed, and Nevada. bonus, if you want to take a break from reading - watch Fleabag!

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other notes:

if you haven’t read this, check the CW.

i recognize that this book is written within the diasporic context and experience of an american palestinian woman, and while i chose to focus on the aspect of her unlikeability, it is important to note that the character's experience is influenced heavily by this fact. this is not the book that will educate you on the history of palestine. i applaud zaina arafat for having written this book in such a way that expects readers to have an understanding of palestinian history, and does not spoon feed the reader information that they should already know. i am glad i put off reading this until now, because in truth, i did not know much about the history of palestine prior to october.

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