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dreareads_'s review
challenging
dark
emotional
inspiring
reflective
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
Beautiful and poignant look at mental health and mother/daughter relationships.
Our main character is Palestinian / American (never named), which leads to constant flashbacks to her summers in Palestine and her mothers own experience growing up. During the present timeline, our MC is dealing with her addiction to love, and her relationship with her mother who refuses to accept our MCs bisexuality. We see her learn to come to terms with her traumas, and create connections with those around her beyond her usual sexual and obsessive ones.
There is a lot of beautiful and personal introspection throughout the text, but it all gets lost with the constant time jumps. At times they all feel separate from each other, and it leaves you with a sense of vagueness, never truly getting to the root of each theme. The ending especially felt rushed, as we jump from relationship to relationship and the role of the mother (which seems to be the core relationship of the book) being put off to the side.
I could definitely relate to the mother/daughter relationship, as it reminded me of my own. Especially in regards to being a bisexual woc whose mother dismisses, ignores, or at worse condemns their sexuality. I was also moved by the exploration of the mother as an individual outside of her role as mom to remind us that she is just human and not some evil manipulative monster. I simply wish that we had had more interactions between mother and daughter in the present and not only in the past.
I will say, the title of this book? to me was the most powerful statement made. I think in some ways, I wish the book lived up to the title.
Our main character is Palestinian / American (never named), which leads to constant flashbacks to her summers in Palestine and her mothers own experience growing up. During the present timeline, our MC is dealing with her addiction to love, and her relationship with her mother who refuses to accept our MCs bisexuality. We see her learn to come to terms with her traumas, and create connections with those around her beyond her usual sexual and obsessive ones.
There is a lot of beautiful and personal introspection throughout the text, but it all gets lost with the constant time jumps. At times they all feel separate from each other, and it leaves you with a sense of vagueness, never truly getting to the root of each theme. The ending especially felt rushed, as we jump from relationship to relationship and the role of the mother (which seems to be the core relationship of the book) being put off to the side.
I could definitely relate to the mother/daughter relationship, as it reminded me of my own. Especially in regards to being a bisexual woc whose mother dismisses, ignores, or at worse condemns their sexuality. I was also moved by the exploration of the mother as an individual outside of her role as mom to remind us that she is just human and not some evil manipulative monster. I simply wish that we had had more interactions between mother and daughter in the present and not only in the past.
I will say, the title of this book? to me was the most powerful statement made. I think in some ways, I wish the book lived up to the title.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Addiction, Alcoholism, Biphobia, Toxic relationship, Eating disorder, Drug abuse, Drug use, Gaslighting, and Sexual content
bkschwartz's review
challenging
emotional
funny
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.0
Bookclub read, probably not one I would have chosen. It was very well written though. The story pops between present day and memories constantly. The lead is messy, a complex woman who self sabotages.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Addiction and Emotional abuse
Moderate: Eating disorder, Alcoholism, Biphobia, Sexual content, Infidelity, Homophobia, Lesbophobia, and Gaslighting
pallasreads's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.75
This is a really dynamic exploration of identity, abusive parenting, and recovery that fell apart a bit in the last 30 pages.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse and Biphobia
Moderate: Alcoholism, Islamophobia, and Addiction
Minor: Death
throwback682's review against another edition
emotional
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.75
A bisexual Palestinian American codependent woman acts out her relationship with her abusive mother against various romantic partners.
This book seemed to drag and then ended pretty abruptly. I didn’t really care about the protagonist; she wasn’t very sympathetic. But maybe she’s too much like me, I don’t know.
This book seemed to drag and then ended pretty abruptly. I didn’t really care about the protagonist; she wasn’t very sympathetic. But maybe she’s too much like me, I don’t know.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Blood, Alcoholism, Biphobia, Emotional abuse, Gaslighting, Toxic friendship, Toxic relationship, Domestic abuse, Eating disorder, and Stalking
Moderate: Child abuse, Drug abuse, Religious bigotry, Colonisation, War, and Genocide
Emotional and physical abuse within families, cheatingdangselena's review
dark
reflective
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.0
The timeline jumped around so much with little context so it was a bit hard to read. Side characters weren’t fleshed out enough to feel meaningful. The MC isn’t like able, which is fine, but there wasn’t much of a plot besides her being horrible to other people.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Infidelity, Drug abuse, Eating disorder, Biphobia, Islamophobia, Toxic relationship, Mental illness, Alcohol, Abandonment, Gaslighting, Emotional abuse, Addiction, Alcoholism, Suicidal thoughts, Physical abuse, Homophobia, and Drug use
noahsingh's review
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.0
Interesting but couldn't hack the sheer amount of annoying men the main character was attached/attracted to.
The main interesting aspects to me (Palestinian heritage + relationship with their mother + the instances of Islamophobia/ acism & Zionism she faces) had very little space in the book.
Also I do think her outing that woman was unforgivable and I Hate Hate Hated that that (trigger warning) literal rapist white guy at The Lodge is, if anything, forgiven/absolved by the narrative.
The main interesting aspects to me (Palestinian heritage + relationship with their mother + the instances of Islamophobia/ acism & Zionism she faces) had very little space in the book.
Also I do think her outing that woman was unforgivable and I Hate Hate Hated that that (trigger warning) literal rapist white guy at The Lodge is, if anything, forgiven/absolved by the narrative.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Eating disorder, War, Lesbophobia, Physical abuse, Adult/minor relationship, Islamophobia, Colonisation, Confinement, Infidelity, Toxic relationship, Sexual assault, Racism, and Alcoholism
Moderate: Rape, Emotional abuse, Outing, Pedophilia, Addiction, Self harm, Sexual violence, Colonisation, Drug abuse, and Sexual assault
Minor: Fatphobia, Suicidal thoughts, Body shaming, Biphobia, Panic attacks/disorders, Torture, and Rape
binevolentbookworm's review against another edition
dark
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
“It is a bizarre and unsettling feeling, to exist in a liminal state between two realms, unable to attain full access to one or the other.”
i finally got around to reading this book and many have shared incredible and varying reviews, so this is less a formal review of mine, and more the feelings it dredged up for me articulated. (this is more personal than i usually get, so i thank you for endeavoring and enduring.)
–
i hear all of the time from friends, readers, movie goers, etc., “the main character was very unlikeable, but i liked her.”
so what is it about these people, most often women, who fit into the “unlikeable” character trope that makes us still, in the end, like them? i found myself contemplating this while reading YOU EXIST TOO MUCH, where the unnamed main character, a twenty something american palestinian woman, struggles with the “liminal state” of her identity and belonging; contributing to her self-destructivism, constant breaking of moral codes and only sometimes showing remorse (but only when she’s caught), along with her journey of healing. i got to about half way through the book and made a note in my reading journal here, “everyone talks about what an unlikable character she is, but i actually like her. i see some of my own behaviors reflected back at me, opening me up to forgiving myself for who i was in my early 20s.”
i wonder, when we read these books, or see these characters in tv, are we simply feeding into a voyeuristic nature? the parts of ourselves that enjoy bad reality television, rubbernecking, watching someone hurt themselves for the laugh (because yes, i am but a millennial who grew up watching jackass). is reading about self-destructing characters, or unlikeable women, the “safe” way to feed into that desire and, in turn, feel that we haven’t compromised our own morality?
i find, from a personal stance, that in many of these characters and their stories, i see etchings of my own weak moments, my own flaws, the most difficult parts of my own human nature reflected back at me. and while what makes these characters unlikable is flagrant, the circumstances often bizarre and over the top – the offenses not exactly as i have done or would actually do – they are still reminiscent, echos of moments i’m not proud of.
at first, all we see is a debauched, or maybe gross, apathetic character - someone who makes so many of the wrong decisions, hurts people seemingly with no mind of the outcome, but over the course of these stories, we are also given a framework for this, allowed a look into their mind in the midst of the pages, and we can step back, see the how and the why of these characters and their identities. sometimes they are given redemption arcs and we have the opportunity to forgive, and sometimes we’re left wanting, the end 'living rent free' in our minds, and we’re never in control of that, but we are in control of our own narrative.
in YOU EXIST TOO MUCH much of the main character’s exact experiences were unlike my own and quite frankly, she needed therapy beyond a month long stint in love addiction rehab, but i still found myself drawn to empathy and compassion, despite her constant actions to provoke otherwise, because she reflected back at me some of my darker thoughts and moments in life. it made me see that i am growing into enjoying reading these stories, and allowing space for these flawed characters to work up the more uncomfortable feelings in myself.
if you enjoyed this book, and want to read more books featuring unlikeable women, i recommend Luster, Milk Fed, and Nevada. bonus, if you want to take a break from reading - watch Fleabag!
–
if you enjoyed this book, and want to read more books featuring unlikeable women, i recommend Luster, Milk Fed, and Nevada. bonus, if you want to take a break from reading - watch Fleabag!
–
other notes:
if you haven’t read this, check the CW.
i recognize that this book is written within the diasporic context and experience of an american palestinian woman, and while i chose to focus on the aspect of her unlikeability, it is important to note that the character's experience is influenced heavily by this fact. this is not the book that will educate you on the history of palestine. i applaud zaina arafat for having written this book in such a way that expects readers to have an understanding of palestinian history, and does not spoon feed the reader information that they should already know. i am glad i put off reading this until now, because in truth, i did not know much about the history of palestine prior to october.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Toxic relationship, Eating disorder, Alcoholism, Emotional abuse, Outing, Domestic abuse, and Sexual content
Minor: War
nithya_natalya's review
hopeful
reflective
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
This title was recommended on a number of lists of books by Palestinian authors to read in the wake of the current genocide. I picked this one up specifically because it is also queer. If you don't like characters who make messy, bad decisions, this may not be for you, but I loved it. I also enjoyed the way it was written in vignettes that were not always chronological. Past and ancestral traumas, intermingled with present pain and numbing. The MC's tendency to fall back into old patterns during moments of pain was frustrating but also deeply familiar and relatable.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Toxic relationship
Moderate: Gaslighting, Homophobia, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Biphobia, Addiction, War, and Alcoholism
kathleenivy's review
emotional
hopeful
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.25
Content Warnings
Graphic: Addiction, Infidelity, Biphobia, Eating disorder, and Emotional abuse
Moderate: Racial slurs, Toxic relationship, Homophobia, Islamophobia, Sexual content, Lesbophobia, Panic attacks/disorders, Death, Colonisation, Adult/minor relationship, Alcohol, Mental illness, and Religious bigotry
Minor: Drug abuse, Genocide, Racism, Alcoholism, and Outing
sophiesmallhands's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.25
Content Warnings
Graphic: Emotional abuse, Addiction, Toxic relationship, and Eating disorder
Moderate: Police brutality, Alcoholism, Sexism, Sexual content, and Alcohol
Minor: Body shaming, Drug use, Gun violence, Islamophobia, Police brutality, Pregnancy, Suicide, War, Bullying, Colonisation, Domestic abuse, and Racism