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phina04's review against another edition
dark
emotional
mysterious
reflective
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Alcohol, Child death, Emotional abuse, Death, Hate crime, Racial slurs, and Racism
Moderate: Abandonment, Misogyny, Bullying, Cultural appropriation, and Suicide
sinsku's review
challenging
dark
emotional
mysterious
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
Content Warnings
Moderate: Death, Grief, and Hate crime
Minor: Xenophobia
sonygaystation's review
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.75
This book made me emotional. 😠I struggled to read it quickly because it just made me really sad. It's very introspective and painful and Ng does a really good job of showing how every little aspect of this family from the get-go was set up to cause problems down the line. It's the pressures parents put on their children and how generationally damaging that is. It's the pressures we put on ourselves to please our parents. It's the desire to hold on tight to constancy and how we struggle in the face of change. It's the emotional turmoil of feeling alone in a group of people, of not feeling seen or known by your family, of anger and hurt colouring the way you interact with everyone. It's your racial identity shaping your world. It's what we keep hidden from the ones we love. It's a strained relationship with a daughter who bears the brunt of all these expectations and it's her death without resolution. It makes me so sad to think Lydia died feeling all of these things and it makes me sad for her family left behind to not know she felt all of these things. And it especially makes me sad that her death could have been avoided if every one of the above didn't happen, but the irony is that would mean a fundamental change in literally everyone's lives and the experiences they had that shaped them into this. The dynamics of family are tough and the one's in this book are so painfully layered.
THIS LINE ?? "And, after a while, the biggest fear of all: of losing Nath, the only one who understood the strange and brittle balance in their family. Who knew all that had happened. Who had always kept her afloat." or this one??? "How hard it would be to inherit their parents’ dreams. How suffocating to be so loved." hnnnnng I just felt it. I FELT it. And it hurt me!!!!
Basically tl;dr this family felt doomed and I cried!!!!
THIS LINE ?? "And, after a while, the biggest fear of all: of losing Nath, the only one who understood the strange and brittle balance in their family. Who knew all that had happened. Who had always kept her afloat." or this one??? "How hard it would be to inherit their parents’ dreams. How suffocating to be so loved." hnnnnng I just felt it. I FELT it. And it hurt me!!!!
Basically tl;dr this family felt doomed and I cried!!!!
Content Warnings
Graphic: Death, Infidelity, Racism, Grief, and Child death
Moderate: Suicide and Hate crime
Minor: Blood, Violence, Sexual content, Bullying, and Death of parent
ramiel's review
emotional
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
2.5
My feelings are very conflicted.
The family pictured in the story, the main characters, have a very poor relationship where wants and needs are suppressed until they explode, and miscommunication is near constant. This, however, is the point of the story, it's a look into a very dysfunctional family dynamic at the very height of their emotions - when one of their children dies. This leads to the rest of them reflecting on the rest of their history while their present relationship makes them more and more angry and distant. When it comes to "character development", most of the story takes place in the past, and the rest is deeply present - you see more how they came to be in this ugly situation rather than a picture of anyone advancing forward.
My conflicting feelings have to do with the fact that these sorts of plots can make me feel emotionally exhausted, and I don't often care for it, especially in cases where couples cheat and children are neglected or mistreated - though this doesn't mean the story itself was bad, simply hard for me, personally to get through. I would not recommend it to anyone sensitive to these things, as I am.
However, this is the center of the book, it is the central conflict, and it is taken seriously by the author. Each character feels very real, and she doesn't shy away on how the parents' overbearing or neglectful attitudes have hurt their children (though, some of the moments between the parents and the children I feel she may be too forgiving of some of the parents actions, or of actions between the couple themselves). The writing itself is beautiful in places, and I love the way she describes the small moments that seem insignificant but mean so much to the characters, especially the children (who were honestly my favorite characters of the story).
Example below:
The family pictured in the story, the main characters, have a very poor relationship where wants and needs are suppressed until they explode, and miscommunication is near constant. This, however, is the point of the story, it's a look into a very dysfunctional family dynamic at the very height of their emotions - when one of their children dies. This leads to the rest of them reflecting on the rest of their history while their present relationship makes them more and more angry and distant. When it comes to "character development", most of the story takes place in the past, and the rest is deeply present - you see more how they came to be in this ugly situation rather than a picture of anyone advancing forward.
My conflicting feelings have to do with the fact that these sorts of plots can make me feel emotionally exhausted, and I don't often care for it, especially in cases where couples cheat and children are neglected or mistreated - though this doesn't mean the story itself was bad, simply hard for me, personally to get through. I would not recommend it to anyone sensitive to these things, as I am.
However, this is the center of the book, it is the central conflict, and it is taken seriously by the author. Each character feels very real, and she doesn't shy away on how the parents' overbearing or neglectful attitudes have hurt their children (though, some of the moments between the parents and the children I feel she may be too forgiving of some of the parents actions, or of actions between the couple themselves). The writing itself is beautiful in places, and I love the way she describes the small moments that seem insignificant but mean so much to the characters, especially the children (who were honestly my favorite characters of the story).
Example below:
"Years of yearning had made her sensitive, the way a starving dog twitches its nostrils at the faintest smell of food. She could not mistake it. She recognized it at once: love, one-way deep adoration that bounced off and did not bounce back; careful, quiet love that didn't care and went on anyway. It was too familiar to be surprising. Something deep inside of her stretched out and curled around Jack like a shawl, but he didn't notice. His gaze moved away to the far side of the lake, as if nothing had happened. She stretched her leg and touched her bare foot to Jack's, big toe to big toe, and only then did he look down at her."
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Child death, Death, Emotional abuse, Grief, Misogyny, Racial slurs, Racism, Sexism, Suicidal thoughts, and Suicide
Moderate: Death of parent, Panic attacks/disorders, and Violence
Minor: Car accident, Hate crime, and Homophobia
Additional warning for cheating. The story is of a mixed race family in the 70s, the father is Chinese and so there is detailed descriptions of the racism he's faced and still faces, his children are also similarly affected. The mother is a white woman who wanted to be a doctor, and from her background are detailed descriptions of misogyny. Due to their own backgrounds, they try to push their children to accomplish what they'd failed, leading to a great deal of trauma for the three children. For homophobia, there is one character who is gay, and another character threatens to out him during an argument - this is only a few pages near the end, however. There is one minor scene near the end where a character is drinking and driving and gets into an accident.
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