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danyalkwendt's review
5.0
This book was incredible in every possible way. Although the author continuously refers to herself as a memoirist, I found this book to be best described as personal investigative journalism. I can't emphasize enough how important and relevant this book is. I had my reservations when I began reading this, questioning why someone would write this book, but also why read it? I knew there was something that sucked me in and it wasn't just the original and surprising plot of a sexual assault survivor interviewing her rapist. Behind this story is an overall story of the patriarchy and the role we, as women and rape survivors, play without even knowing our role. The questions she presents and the way her story unfolds is so perfectly complex, but understandable all at once. I know I will be thinking about this book nonstop for the next several weeks. Not only is the content of the story worthy of five stars, but the composition and format of the book is so unique and fitting given her style of storytelling, it only sealed the deal for the review I knew I had to leave.
gmh311's review
4.0
Great book that gives good insight into both people involved in a rape from their own perspectives.
sdoncolo's review
5.0
"What stories do the men tell themselves? Is rape an aside for most of them?"
Jeannie Vanasco doesn't answer this question, but in THINGS WE DIDN'T TALK ABOUT WHEN I WAS A GIRL, she raises it and other questions that I (and many others) have surely been asking ourselves for years. This book comes at a perfect time after the first dust from #MeToo has settled and women are reflecting on their experiences with the men in their lives, including so-called friends like the one Vanasco interviews and writes about in this book.
In addition to transcribing her interrogation of her one-time friend (and rapist), "Mark," Vanasco considers several of her own perspectives (historical, current; as a victim multiple times; as a teacher and mentor), and gathers impressions and feedback from her current partner, several female friends, and her therapist. The result is a thought-provoking snapshot into one woman's experience. In a couple of spots, I wished she had gone deeper - digging into other perpetrators in her past or talking with more women who knew her and Mark at the time - but that would make it a different book.
I received a galley of this book in exchange for an honest review.
Jeannie Vanasco doesn't answer this question, but in THINGS WE DIDN'T TALK ABOUT WHEN I WAS A GIRL, she raises it and other questions that I (and many others) have surely been asking ourselves for years. This book comes at a perfect time after the first dust from #MeToo has settled and women are reflecting on their experiences with the men in their lives, including so-called friends like the one Vanasco interviews and writes about in this book.
In addition to transcribing her interrogation of her one-time friend (and rapist), "Mark," Vanasco considers several of her own perspectives (historical, current; as a victim multiple times; as a teacher and mentor), and gathers impressions and feedback from her current partner, several female friends, and her therapist. The result is a thought-provoking snapshot into one woman's experience. In a couple of spots, I wished she had gone deeper - digging into other perpetrators in her past or talking with more women who knew her and Mark at the time - but that would make it a different book.
I received a galley of this book in exchange for an honest review.
maureenstantonwriter's review
3.0
An important story and brave endeavor to contact the man who sexually abused her in college, a man who'd been her close friend. The story is bogged down by excessive hand-writing and meta-narrative about the process of finding him, contemplating the contact, contacting him, and recording verbatim (often) their conversations (or email exchanges), then processing what just happened with friends, therapist, husband. At nearly 350 pages, some of this could have been cut, or exchanged for more and deeper reflection on how this affected the author.
The end is abrupt and I'm left with little sense of exactly how this project of confronting her rapist changed the author, or not. There's a missed opportunity her for more reflection (not about the lead-up, or a deconstruction of every conversation with him), but on the idea of confrontation, reconciliation, and restorative justice, which has lately come under criticism for being perhaps useful to the offender but maybe not so much for the victim.
The end is abrupt and I'm left with little sense of exactly how this project of confronting her rapist changed the author, or not. There's a missed opportunity her for more reflection (not about the lead-up, or a deconstruction of every conversation with him), but on the idea of confrontation, reconciliation, and restorative justice, which has lately come under criticism for being perhaps useful to the offender but maybe not so much for the victim.
tinytree02's review
5.0
This book is written like a human. It is painful. You don't have to agree with everything the author feels and experiences to know that it's an incredible book and it's worth reading.
tiboutoo's review
4.0
A complicated book about a complicated topic. She reaches out to the "friend" who raped her 14 years ago to understand why and what their friendship ever meant.