Reviews with content warning for Sexual content - My Body

I truly loved Emily’s writing and the way she analyzed the role her body and beauty had and has on her life and financial independence, but also how the empowerment of showing it as she sees fit is a double-edged sword, being both freedom and prison. Freedom of choice and imprisonment to this world ruled by the male gaze and wants, and by their control of how much freedom a woman is allowed to have. In her case, she fought for that freedom using her shell and keen mind, but not without the repercussions of playing into the hands of men. Suffering abuse both physical and psychological, that she was at times unaware of - albeit not without the trauma and depression that came with it - she clawed her way up to become the woman, model, celebrity, and entrepreneur she is now.
There is also the role her family played in how she learned to see herself, always in comparison to others, always valuing her physical appearance above all, to the detriment of her psychological and physical health.
I identified in many ways with Emily, since I learned as a teen when sprouting into my woman’s body, the effect it and beauty could have on people, but also (and this before Instagram and social media) how the reverse was true. I wanted to be a model but was too short. I compared myself to the girls in Elite Model Look contest, in Ragazza’s magazine, in cinema, etc, and agonized. I am thankful not to have been born into the social media boom, although I still had and have to tackle it, and thus stress over its pressure.
I ended up being granted what I wanted as a teen, in a way, as in my mid-twenties, in a time when I did not know which direction my life should follow I, a bit accidentally, became a nude and fine-art model, then an alt-model (@suicidegirl), especially as my skin became a canvas for my self-expression. It was then, I truly saw the effects and power of my body, but like Emily, only later did I realize how I was playing into the men’s world, their rules, their gaze, to be then slandered by both men and women by what I chose and choose to be and do with my body. But without it I would not have found my bff, sister from another mister, and other close friends, I would not have met so many girls around the whole world, been in two videoclips, several TV and magazine appearances - had my so-called “15 minutes of fame”.
Thus, comparing myself with @Emrata is impossible, I am a street cat and she’s a jungle panther. Still, a lot of it resonated with me. But, I am older, older than her, and have tried, since realizing how I played into the patriarchal system one way or the other, to distance myself from an image fuelled presence, to be more discreet so to speak, and more into my inner self than outer. It was why when I started my bookstagram I aimed not to use my image on my posts, as I already had the notoriety and personal validation (and scorn), and the money I could with it. Although, I wonder if I am being silly about not using it more - posts with me in it tend to do better - and I still love to dress up, to feel sexy, to use revealing outfits, but never for others, always for myself. Unfortunately, I am judged for better or worse when I do so.
Thoughts constantly assail me about how to be who I am now without mixing with who I was before, but I am one and the same, and I can’t run from my past (nor do I want to, although I fear how it will affect my dream of becoming a published author) so I might as well learn from it. Use what serves me and trash what doesn’t.
My image can sell and it can doom me, and I will have to walk that thin ledge careful not to hurt myself.
This turned out into a very personal post but alas that’s how the book touched me.
People, especially women, no matter their image, or their beauty, are bound to this horribly patriarchal world where our bodies, our skin, and our image will be judged and controlled no matter what we do, so we might as well do and be what we want, but always aiming to be less judgmental of what others choose to do, no matter how different from our choices, as long as it doesn’t affect our fought little freedoms.

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avagardner's review

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emotional inspiring sad medium-paced

5.0

a stunning, explorative, and cunning memoir that puts into question hollywood's sexualization of women, the body politics, and societal expectations (that are fucked up).

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