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lllkilli's review against another edition
3.0
This book is frustrating to read. The writing is a bit scattered with many repeated stories, giving it a more internal-monologue type feel to it, which can be tough to follow at points.
The main issue is the author- I just don't get her. She is against the bride price but doesn't seem to know why. She wants to be connected to her culture, but asks no questions about its rituals, clothing, food, doesn't practice her language, doesn't try to talk to her extended family. When she refuses to participate in a very old tradition she is shocked that this causes her family to cut her off. Given opportunities for a redo, she tries to pawn the decision off on her husband, knowing that she would just blame him if things don't work out how she wants them to.
She doesn't seem to be committed to any particular idea, nor does she even attempt to examine why.
The main issue is the author- I just don't get her. She is against the bride price but doesn't seem to know why. She wants to be connected to her culture, but asks no questions about its rituals, clothing, food, doesn't practice her language, doesn't try to talk to her extended family. When she refuses to participate in a very old tradition she is shocked that this causes her family to cut her off. Given opportunities for a redo, she tries to pawn the decision off on her husband, knowing that she would just blame him if things don't work out how she wants them to.
She doesn't seem to be committed to any particular idea, nor does she even attempt to examine why.
saltyreader's review against another edition
3.0
More Review on my blog under books tab! :)
I must say I was a little disappointed. This book was a bit choppy in terms of formating. Although I understand the use of Hmong words, it was a bit awkward at times if you know Hmong, and I think a close romanization of pronunciation would have been helpful for those who cant read Hmong, otherwise it kind of just gets lost in the story or may affect the flow of the reading. I mean she did write that "we.....dont need to be translated so others can understand us." But I think it could've helped. It was hard to stay engaged, and sometimes when it just starts getting interesting..that part of the story just ends...:(
As a fellow Hmong american woman myself, born in the US, I found her very agreeable at times and very frustrating at others. I think the best way to describe my feelings on this is that everything happened due the lack of understanding of cultures from both the older generation and the "americanized" generation- I use that term loosely. We dont take the time to understand one another and explain things. Hmong people tend to avoid explaining and questioning and especially about important things like weddings and funerals. When you throw in other religions to the mix, it messes with the system even more because now it's also due to a difference in religion.
I was surprise by how little she understood Hmong traditions and how progressive her thoughts were for someone from that generation. Something I dont see often at all. Granted she grew up a Christian and not around traditional animist that often so I kind of can understand why she would not fully understand and not realize the consequences of her actions. Because she is right, hmong women are never part of the discussion. But it was still shocking to realize how little she knew. But then again, I'm partially to blame to assume that just cuz youre older or from that generation you would automatically apply the same rules to life or not be as progressive.
But thank you, for sharing your story because so many people are most likely going through similar situation especially now..
-----random comments i have that is not really necessary to read but I wanna add it anyway-----
At one point she compares her feelings on her christian marriage to something we call poob plig (pong plee literal translation drop spirit/soul, or the lost of a piece of your spirit/soul), but I wouldnt compare it to that. We have another saying for that which is phlig tu siab (plee thu shia)- meaning soul/spirit is sad, both are usually due to some event that happened. But the latter is because Something that made you so sad, it affected not only your physical form emotionally but your soul's emotion as well.
This book is definitely pro- change for Hmong weddings, and as much as I am for change I also realize that both, having the bride price and the lack of it, may be important to all parties involved and like the story says you cant just ignore one and do the other without accidentally burning bridges and ruining relationships. Ideally..I think now, we are at the point where the families really need to come to a compromise of some sort, where not only men do the negotiation but all involved parties, and proceed with what they have agreed.. We can claim lack of understanding of cultures all was want, but in the end it's about the principles and feeling respected.
I must say I was a little disappointed. This book was a bit choppy in terms of formating. Although I understand the use of Hmong words, it was a bit awkward at times if you know Hmong, and I think a close romanization of pronunciation would have been helpful for those who cant read Hmong, otherwise it kind of just gets lost in the story or may affect the flow of the reading. I mean she did write that "we.....dont need to be translated so others can understand us." But I think it could've helped. It was hard to stay engaged, and sometimes when it just starts getting interesting..that part of the story just ends...:(
As a fellow Hmong american woman myself, born in the US, I found her very agreeable at times and very frustrating at others. I think the best way to describe my feelings on this is that everything happened due the lack of understanding of cultures from both the older generation and the "americanized" generation- I use that term loosely. We dont take the time to understand one another and explain things. Hmong people tend to avoid explaining and questioning and especially about important things like weddings and funerals. When you throw in other religions to the mix, it messes with the system even more because now it's also due to a difference in religion.
I was surprise by how little she understood Hmong traditions and how progressive her thoughts were for someone from that generation. Something I dont see often at all. Granted she grew up a Christian and not around traditional animist that often so I kind of can understand why she would not fully understand and not realize the consequences of her actions. Because she is right, hmong women are never part of the discussion. But it was still shocking to realize how little she knew. But then again, I'm partially to blame to assume that just cuz youre older or from that generation you would automatically apply the same rules to life or not be as progressive.
But thank you, for sharing your story because so many people are most likely going through similar situation especially now..
-----random comments i have that is not really necessary to read but I wanna add it anyway-----
At one point she compares her feelings on her christian marriage to something we call poob plig (pong plee literal translation drop spirit/soul, or the lost of a piece of your spirit/soul), but I wouldnt compare it to that. We have another saying for that which is phlig tu siab (plee thu shia)- meaning soul/spirit is sad, both are usually due to some event that happened. But the latter is because Something that made you so sad, it affected not only your physical form emotionally but your soul's emotion as well.
This book is definitely pro- change for Hmong weddings, and as much as I am for change I also realize that both, having the bride price and the lack of it, may be important to all parties involved and like the story says you cant just ignore one and do the other without accidentally burning bridges and ruining relationships. Ideally..I think now, we are at the point where the families really need to come to a compromise of some sort, where not only men do the negotiation but all involved parties, and proceed with what they have agreed.. We can claim lack of understanding of cultures all was want, but in the end it's about the principles and feeling respected.
agadbois's review
4.0
A rare book written by a member of generation 1.5. Mai was born overseas, but resettled in the US as a young girl. She struggles to navigate American and Hmong cultures as she doesn't really fit in or understand her step-mother's generation, but isn't completely American either. Sympathetically written, thoughtfully considered, and touching on how legal, medical, and political systems numb up against culture and family.
ranaelizabeth's review
3.0
Ya know. This is actually interesting to review. The writing style was extremely informal and was a bit choppy but I think that's because this is almost like a stream-of-consciousness memoir but with complete sentences. I know that doesn't make any sense. But it does, in context of this book. The writer doesn't understand the cultural nuances and rituals and so she doesn't share them, but what she does share is her confusion. I think that's actually the best part of this book, the second generation immigrant and how she grapples with fitting into her culture and understanding rituals and expectations.
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