Reviews

Water Sleeps by Glen Cook

rubix1138's review against another edition

5.0

Wow. Just wow. The twists and turns of this book made for an amazing end to the series. It was a wonderful rollercoaster the whole way through.

morgandhu's review against another edition

4.0

Now that we're nearing the end of the saga of the Black Company, the pace seems to be quickening as revelations are finally being made in sufficient numbers to make the mysteries of the Company's past clear. I find mysrlf eager to read the last of the books to see how the men and women of the Company deal with the discovery of their past, and with both the losses and the changes that have accumulated during this quest to return to the beginning.

irusu's review against another edition

adventurous challenging dark funny mysterious slow-paced

• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

sarah42783's review against another edition

5.0

💀 Buddy reread with the clueless new mercenary recruits Elena, Mark and Maria over at BB&B. Under the wicked supervision of our Ever-Stalking Black Company Overlord (ESBCO™), of course 💀

Previous rating: 3.5 stars. No comment.
New rating: 12.45896785 stars.

➽ And the moral of this reread is: hallelujah to our Lord Shrimp and stuff! I finally saw the light, read this book right, and rated it appropriately! We are all saved! The world will not blow up and all puny human life on this planet will not be somewhat terminally terminated! Yay and stuff!



Okay. So. I have desperately been trying to understand how I could have read this slightly wondrous book so wrong the first time around, and finally came up with the following theories:

① I am a complete, total, utter idiot.

② I was drunk as a hormonal puffer fish on his first night on the town Mariana Trench pub crawl when I first read the book.

③ I was high as a rabid barnacle on crack when I first read the book.

④ My evil twin momentarily took over while I was reading the book and proceeded to read it revoltingly wrong on my behalf.

⑤ One-Eye cast an extra strength confusion spell on me, as suggested by my Nefarious Love Child, thus clouding my ever foolproof judgement.

⑥ ① + ② + ③ + ④ + ⑤

⑦ All of the above.

➽ And the moral of the moral this reread is: Shame is me and stuff. I think I better hide for a while, in a futile attempt to atone for my most despicable sin.



💌 A very private message to Sleepy: I might have previously said that you were a flat, dull, unemotional character not Glen Cook’s most exciting character. Maybe. Perhaps. I might have been a little wrong. Maybe. Perhaps. Now will you please marry me? I think you’re kinda sorta amazing. Maybe. Perhaps. And if you don’t want to marry me, no problem. I’ll just send the murderous crustaceans to kidnap you. And then I’ll lock you up in the High Security Harem and stuff. Tada!

💌 A very private message to Goblin: I 💕lurves💕 thee, you cranky, dried-toad looking sorcerer. Will you be my Double Great?



[Original review]

☠ The Search and Rescue Mission is On Buddy Read (SaRMiOBR™) with my fellow mercenaries Evasive, Slowpoke and Cleaver ☠

Actual rating: 3.5 stars. No, intergalactic amazement is not me this time.

It's okay. I can do this. I rated a book in this series less than 18 stars. But it's okay. I can do this. Of course I can. I am strong. I am invincible. I have survived Stupidly Stupid Highly Flammable Ground-Breaking Crap (SSHFGBC™), I can surely survive a less than perfect instalment in the Mostest Perfectest Series of all Time (MPSoaT™). Come on, nefarious little me. NO CRYING. Breathing in, breathing out. Breathing in, breathing out.



Yeah, I know I could have used a different gif than the one in my pre-review. But guess what? I didn't. Ha.

Oh I know what you're thinking, my Little Barnacles. You're thinking I'm slightly exaggerating again. I mean, a 3.5 rating is pretty good, right? Not in Glen Cook is a God Land (GCiaGL™) it isn't! Hence the total despair, utter grief, and complete desperation. BUT. Things are looking up. I originally gave this book a 3-star rating. Then I DNFed read How to Flirt with a pathetically boring Naked Werewolf. Horizons broadened, crap meter off the scale, perspective restored and stuff. Tada! 3.5 rating for Water Sleeps (And So Do I). If I was somewhat insane, it would probably have occurred to me that if I read enough Pieces of Crap (PoC™) back to back, I'd end up giving this book the 18-star rating it deserves. But I'm not, so I didn't. Oh no. Absolutely not.



But anyway. I'm pretty sure you are all terribly anxious to know what went terribly wrong didn't go so well in this instalment, so let's get to it.

Homework. Yes, that's right, homework. That's the main problem with Water Sleeps (And So Do I). I wish I could say I came up with this brilliant analogy all by my little self, but I didn't. I shamelessly stole it from this very good review. Credit given where credit due, peace on earth and blah blah blah. Yes, I'm afraid this book kind of felt like some mandatory reading assignment to me {insert screams of horror and dismay from my inner Glen Cook is a God Fangirl (GCiaGF™) here} Don't get me wrong, this instalment is very interesting and very important in the grand scheme of things. Because you learn tons of, well, very interesting and very important things. And stuff. Especially when it comes to the Company's origins and history. But bloody hell, is it tedious. Why, you ask? Here's why:



Meet our narrator and Master of Yawns, Sleepy. Such a perfect name for such a flat, dull, unemotional character. Sleepy seems to be dead inside. And I see the logic in it, but it doesn't make for a very charismatic MC. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, Sleepy's character is complex, conflicted and blah blah blah, but I felt no connection whatsoever there. Which pretty much ruined the book for me. And it makes me mad because Sleepy could have been an amazing character. Such a devious mind! Such Machiavellian plans! Such cunning awesomeness! This could and should have been a dream come true. But it wasn't {insert sighs of gloom and sorrow from my GCiaGF™ here}.



Sorry, can't help it.

The rest of the cast? THANK GOD GLEN COOK FOR THE VILLAINOUS VILLAINS! Had it not been for our Bat-Shit Crazy Chick of the Thousand Voices (BTCCofSV™), my rating would have gone down down down. I love that loony. She is such an evil bitch. It's absolutely divine. She could definitely teach Sleepy a thing or two when it comes to loosening up and unleashing the wacky.

Company-wise, things tend to get pretty dull when my favourite Grumpy Wizardly Grandpas and the Problematic In-Laws are not around. MY Murgen's wife friend has tons of potential but turns out to be a dull bore. Sigh. Had you told me only a week ago I wouldn't give a damn if most of the Company died, I would have had you suited up in a straitjacket cute little white outfit with very cool sleeves and sent off to an insane asylum a very relaxing place. But that was last week. And now my life has no meaning.



Yes, that's exactly how I feel right now. And no, I am NOT going to cry again. Absolutely not

← oh please, don't tell me you didn't know I was going to do that! Silly Little Barnacles. You never learn, do you?

Oh, before I forget, there is one other thing this instalment desperately lacks: epic battles and uber cool fights. Delightful bloodshed. Glorious beheadings. Delicious dismemberments. And stuff. Okay, I guess that's more than one thing. Huh. No wonder I didn't like this book as much as I did the previous ones.

So at this point you're probably wondering why the freaking hell I didn't give this book a 0.9999 rating, and decided to go for a 3.5 one instead. Some of the boldest barnacles among you might even doubt my sanity ← this is an outrage. Fleet Admiral DaShrimp has been notified. Expect a visit from the murderous crustaceans shortly. I have to admit that I am not -hum- overly enthusiastic about Water Sleeps (And So Do I). But. And this is a BIG BUT here. No, actually there are several BIG BUTs here

not to be mistaken for BIG BUTTS, obviously ← this is the lamest joke ever, I know. But I'm in mourning here, and trying to cope with grief and loss, so cut me some slack

:

① This is Glen Cook and Glen Cook is a God.
② This is The Black Company and The Black Company is the Mostest Perfectest Series of All Time. And for All of Eternity.
③ See ①
④ See ②
⑤ This book is kidnapping heaven.
⑥



QED.

You're welcome.

»» And the moral of this review is: Glen Cook, I still worship you, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE bring the AWESOME back!!!



*pats herself on the back for managing to write this review without revealing Sleepy's biggest secret*

did you click on this spoiler hoping I would tell you what the BIG SECRET is? Hahahaha. You're so funny.

· Book 1: The Black Company ★★★★★
· Book 1.5: Port of Shadows ★ ← I have no idea where this book came from, or what it's about. Pretty sure I never read it.
· Book 2: Shadows Linger ★★★★★
· Book 2.2 (short story): Shaggy Dog Bridge ★★★★★
· Book 2.3 (short story): Bone Eaters ★★★★★
· Book 3: The White Rose ★★★★★
· Book 3.5: The Silver Spike ★★ ← pretending this one never happened.
· Book 4: Shadow Games ★★★★★
· Book 5: Dreams of Steel ★★★★★
· Book 6: Bleak Seasons ★★★★★
· Book 7: She Is The Darkness ★★★★★
· Book 9: Soldiers Live ★★★★★



Worry not, brothers and sisters of the Black Company, for deliverance is near! We shall behead, impale and generally slaughter the wickedly twisted and villainous bad guys, and efficiently extricate you from your current predicament!!!! BBB Mercenaries to the rescue!!!