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spickett's review
challenging
informative
reflective
slow-paced
4.0
I think this was a beneficial read for giving better ways to consider my own thoughts about myself, and for how to orient my actions with my spouse and co workers or any relationship that I value.
carlylottsofbookz's review
5.0
Choice Theory as created by Glasser is really extraordinary. Basically humans choose everything that we do, we are in control directly or indirectly of everything.
Hold up there, then why are so many people depressed and miserable, you ask? Well, a person would not intentionally choose to be miserable, but they may choose behaviors and thoughts that make them so. See, the way Glasser puts it (as I understand it) is to say that humans have 5 needs: 1) Love and belonging, 2) Power 3) Survival 4) Freedom 5) Fun (I did not place them in any order). And we behave in ways to meet those needs. So, perhaps my need for love is lower than my need for freedom, I may jeopardize relationships with people in order to maintain freedom (which could at times also make me loney and unhappy). I may have such a strong need for love and belonging that I allow myself to be in an abusive relationship--as long as the abuser meets that need (the honeymoon period after violence where the abused is told he/she is loved and that the abuse will never happen again).
Here's the deal--humans all have different levels of these needs, and we need to be sure that the people in our lives (ie: romantic relationships) have similar needs as we do...or else it might lead to problems. (Can you imagine the relationship where Person A has a low need for Freedom, but a very high need for Love....being with Person B who has a very high need for Freedom and an average need for Love? Recipe for fighting? I think so...) There is no 'right' amount needed (although he speculates that sociopaths may have a far too low need for love) by anyone, but matching up with others may prove useful.
Here's the other big part of choice theory (formerly known as control theory): you can ONLY control your OWN behavior...not the behavior of others. Let that sink in a bit. You can't make other people do what you want them to do. The girl striving to get married can't force her boyfriend to propose any more than the parent (or teacher) can force the child to do school work. We can hope they will do it, but in the end you have to decide if you want to nag and guilt people into doing what you want them to, or if you want to maintain the strong relationship with the person.
Excellent book and a great way to think about human relationships. I'd say you should read it too.
Hold up there, then why are so many people depressed and miserable, you ask? Well, a person would not intentionally choose to be miserable, but they may choose behaviors and thoughts that make them so. See, the way Glasser puts it (as I understand it) is to say that humans have 5 needs: 1) Love and belonging, 2) Power 3) Survival 4) Freedom 5) Fun (I did not place them in any order). And we behave in ways to meet those needs. So, perhaps my need for love is lower than my need for freedom, I may jeopardize relationships with people in order to maintain freedom (which could at times also make me loney and unhappy). I may have such a strong need for love and belonging that I allow myself to be in an abusive relationship--as long as the abuser meets that need (the honeymoon period after violence where the abused is told he/she is loved and that the abuse will never happen again).
Here's the deal--humans all have different levels of these needs, and we need to be sure that the people in our lives (ie: romantic relationships) have similar needs as we do...or else it might lead to problems. (Can you imagine the relationship where Person A has a low need for Freedom, but a very high need for Love....being with Person B who has a very high need for Freedom and an average need for Love? Recipe for fighting? I think so...) There is no 'right' amount needed (although he speculates that sociopaths may have a far too low need for love) by anyone, but matching up with others may prove useful.
Here's the other big part of choice theory (formerly known as control theory): you can ONLY control your OWN behavior...not the behavior of others. Let that sink in a bit. You can't make other people do what you want them to do. The girl striving to get married can't force her boyfriend to propose any more than the parent (or teacher) can force the child to do school work. We can hope they will do it, but in the end you have to decide if you want to nag and guilt people into doing what you want them to, or if you want to maintain the strong relationship with the person.
Excellent book and a great way to think about human relationships. I'd say you should read it too.
rbogue's review
5.0
I read and reviewed Schools without Failure where I was introduced to Dr. Galsser’s work on Reality Therapy and the subject of this book review Choice Theory. Fundamental to Choice theory is that we all make choices that we’re not victims and we have the ability to make choices. You’ve seen my frustration with victimhood and helplessness in some of my other book reviews (See Boundaries, Beyond Boundaries, Daring Greatly, and Change or Die). Here Dr. Glasser spends an entire book talking about how we make choices and that we’re not as helpless as we sometimes like to believe we are.
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Click here to read the full review
tradecraftswithbeth's review
1.0
At first I was like….”yes”…… then I was like, “umm no” then I was straight up appalled at this authors ableism and judgmental was as well as PROFOUND victim shaming/blaming. Maybe a good read for someone with NPD that takes no responsibility
danacoledares's review
1.0
Condescending and unhelpful. Many of the supporting examples are hypothetical, and in recounting events that actually happened, Glasser goes beyond fact into imagining what WOULD have happened if different actions had been taken.
It's incredibly disappointing, because I think the underlying theories have some merit. But it should have had an editor with a much stronger hand. This MIGHT have been okay as an article without all the "what-if-maybe" fluffery.
It's incredibly disappointing, because I think the underlying theories have some merit. But it should have had an editor with a much stronger hand. This MIGHT have been okay as an article without all the "what-if-maybe" fluffery.
jenok's review
4.0
A very challenging book (in content, not in style) that really cut against many of my intuitions about counselling and the workings of our emotions. Almost everything in me disagreed with the basic premises of choice theory. If I had been merely presented with these premises in isolation I likely would have turned away and never considered Glasser again. However, having gone through them at length in the context of the book I find myself far more conflicted, not converted, but at least having moved from an assumed strong stance against these ideas to not knowing quite what I think. It isn't perfect. I have some concerns about how the theory reflects and accepts dominant cultural ideologies in ways that would benefit from more critical examination. The individualism that much of the theory rests on curtails the inclusion of important dialogue around collective experience and oppression. This notwithstanding, it has left me with lots to mull over and for this I am grateful. This book has opened lots of doors towards new ways of thinking that I will need to integrate into my ideas one way or another.