Reviews tagging 'Toxic relationship'

A Two-Spirit Journey by Ma-Nee Chacaby

8 reviews

nmcannon's review against another edition

emotional hopeful reflective slow-paced

5.0

I first heard of Ma-Nee Chacaby’s autobiography on Casey the Canadian Lesbrarian’s blog, when she featured it as a finalist for the 2016 Lambda Literary Awards. Since it’s a Canadian publication from a university press, I never expected to see it out in the wild. I suppose I should never doubt my local library! When I saw A Two-Spirit Journey on the shelf, I froze for a good second in shock before snatching it up.

Chronicling her life from childhood to ~2013, the autobiography isn’t light reading, but even the lowest of the low points are buoyed by Chacaby’s gentle, plain-speaking voice. She carries herself through truly harrowing experiences. Her indigenous lifeways are her lifeline. My heart bled and bloomed by turns. Once Chacaby reached adulthood, it was lovely to witness her happiness, though obviously recovery isn’t linear. What impressed me the most is how Chacaby, after escaping toxic situations, would dive right back in there to help others. Barely escaping with her kids from an extremely abusive marriage, she took on other people’s children via fostering and adoption. Working as a counselor returned her to the home insecure communities she was barely out of herself. For the historians in the crowd, I highly recommend A Two-Spirit Journey as a primary source for life in late 20thc. Canada, especially for people who share Chacaby’s identities.

In the back matter, Mary Louisa Plummer explains her methodology for the book. Her and Chacaby’s commitment to her voice and the stranger’s accessibility work together wonderfully. I felt honored to be able to listen to Chacaby’s story, like I was listening to a grandmother over tea. I want to read more autobiographies like Chacaby’s, and I’ve already had a promising start with Deborah A. Miranda’s Bad Indians: A Tribal Memoir. Miranda’s experience sits comfortably side-by-side with Chacaby’s: the one informs the other. I also wish Chacaby a very pleasant All The Money. The shrinkage of social services over the course of the novel was awful. Despite how many lives she’d touched, despite how many people she’s helped, Chacaby lives on a pittance. But, importantly, she still lives.

Chacaby’s autobiography is very important reading for everyone, especially for anyone interested in learning about two-spirit indigenous lives. Chacaby and Plummer have given us a gift.

Casey the Canadian Lesbrarian’s blog post: https://caseythecanadianlesbrarian.wordpress.com/2017/03/21/the-seven-canadian-and-indigenous-lambda-finalists-im-most-excited-about/ 

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Alcoholism, Addiction, Grief, Lesbophobia, Mental illness, and Racism

Moderate: Sexual assault, Hate crime, Adult/minor relationship, Domestic abuse, Toxic relationship, Torture, Physical abuse, Rape, Sexual violence, Terminal illness, and Violence

Minor: Police brutality

Chacaby doesn't dwell on the horrible things that happened to her. She's very matter of fact. I would tag most of the content warnings as "Minor," but some occur with such frequency that I bumped them up to "Moderate" or "Graphic."

egmamaril's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional informative inspiring sad medium-paced

4.25

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Toxic relationship, Drug use, Homophobia, Child death, Death of parent, Alcoholism, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, and Domestic abuse

Moderate: Racism

foldingthepage_kayleigh's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional reflective sad slow-paced

5.0

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Violence, Rape, Racism, Medical trauma, Medical content, Addiction, Child abuse, Ableism, Sexual assault, Sexual harassment, Toxic relationship, Homophobia, Grief, Drug abuse, Death of parent, Bullying, Blood, Injury/Injury detail, Death, Classism, Chronic illness, Police brutality, Kidnapping, Lesbophobia, Alcohol, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Sexual violence, Child death, Alcoholism, Physical abuse, Racial slurs, Pregnancy, and Drug use

lanid's review against another edition

dark emotional inspiring

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Content Warnings

Moderate: Hate crime, Physical abuse, Alcoholism, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Child abuse, Death, Domestic abuse, Bullying, Child death, Pedophilia, Homophobia, Lesbophobia, Racism, and Rape

Minor: Misogyny, Suicidal thoughts, Drug use, Bullying, Fire/Fire injury, Violence, and Toxic relationship

therainbowshelf's review against another edition

emotional informative inspiring reflective sad medium-paced

5.0

A really well done and engaging memoir retelling a life filled with pain, hardship, and triumph. I highly recommend this read, but it comes with strong content warnings for alcoholism, drug use, child abuse, rape, assault, homophobia, racism, torture, domestic abuse, child death, and other content that may be difficult for some readers.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Toxic relationship, Domestic abuse, Drug use, Forced institutionalization, Abandonment, Addiction, Alcoholism, Emotional abuse, Medical content, Hate crime, Rape, Sexual assault, Torture, Death, Death of parent, Physical abuse, Racism, Alcohol, Child abuse, Child death, Colonisation, Chronic illness, Drug abuse, Fire/Fire injury, Grief, Homophobia, Injury/Injury detail, Lesbophobia, Medical trauma, and Sexual violence

Minor: Ableism

SIDS

mirireads's review against another edition

challenging emotional hopeful informative inspiring reflective sad slow-paced

4.5

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Content Warnings

Moderate: Alcoholism, Homophobia, Medical content, Lesbophobia, Grief, Emotional abuse, Drug use, Drug abuse, Domestic abuse, Death of parent, Death, Child death, Sexual harassment, Violence, Toxic relationship, Torture, Suicidal thoughts, Rape, Pregnancy, Physical abuse, Addiction, Racism, Sexual violence, Misogyny, Sexual assault, and Injury/Injury detail

aus10england's review against another edition

adventurous challenging dark emotional hopeful informative inspiring reflective sad tense fast-paced

5.0

Wow. This is one of the best memoirs I have ever read. 

It hit on all levels, such an eye-opening, inspiring, reflective, and deeply personal read. The authors really did the subject’s stories justice. Ma-nee has lived many, many lives, and the world is lucky to have this published work to live on forever. 

I appreciated the afterwords of this book, that explained how the publication came to be, since the subject of the memoir has vision issues that would make writing a book from start to finish difficult. So much went into it, and it made me appreciate the book even more. 

Overall, this book is severely overlooked, and should be read by anybody who wants to better understand native (queer) identities and culture. 

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Rape, Drug abuse, Grief, Alcohol, Alcoholism, Pedophilia, Toxic friendship, Hate crime, Xenophobia, Toxic relationship, Mental illness, Drug use, Lesbophobia, Adult/minor relationship, Violence, Physical abuse, Racial slurs, Emotional abuse, Addiction, and Domestic abuse

Moderate: Suicidal thoughts, Suicide attempt, Terminal illness, Sexism, Death of parent, Medical content, Self harm, Outing, Bullying, Misogyny, Suicide, Cancer, and Infertility

Minor: Stalking, Fire/Fire injury, Animal death, and Miscarriage

laurenleigh's review against another edition

emotional informative inspiring reflective sad slow-paced

5.0

It’s hard to know where even to start here. This was incredible. First off, I want to give Ma-Nee Chacaby the biggest hug. I am so grateful that she has chosen to set her story to paper. Chacaby has faced unfathomable hardships in her life. The hits just kept on coming. That she has even survived, let alone come out the other side healthy and stable and able to recount these stories is remarkable. I bow down to her strength, resolve, spirituality, and ability to connect to love despite everything. Her stories really got me thinking about cycles of abuse. I’ve read briefly about how alcoholism is unfortunately common in many Native communities, especially among survivors of residential schools. But hearing about it first hand from Chacaby was something else entirely. (Not that she herself went to a residential school, but she faced unthinkable trauma regardless.) There are so many webs of abuse, addiction, poverty, and violence, and their intersections are deadly. Near the end of her memoir, Chacaby notes how there’s not many queer female Indigenous elders. She thinks about all her friends and family that have died along the way, often directly because of these webs of abuse. And then it got me thinking about how where these abuse cycles began, and it’s pretty much always white supremacy. I think it’s so important for white Americans and Canadians to listen to Indigenous stories, and reflect on how we can take part in disrupting these harmful cycles. Chacaby‘s story as a disabled, lesbian, two spirit Ojibwa-Cree is one I will never forget.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Addiction, Alcoholism, Violence, Toxic relationship, Sexual violence, Sexual assault, Rape, Medical trauma, Hate crime, Emotional abuse, Drug abuse, and Child death

Moderate: Suicidal thoughts, Pregnancy, Medical content, Death of parent, and Death

Minor: Adult/minor relationship, Animal death, Suicide attempt, and Racism