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clairekatb's review against another edition
4.0
I listened to the audio book and I think I would have rathered read the book to help me focus more on the content. That being said it is a really informative book on polyamory and the complexity of relationships in general and gives good insight into the importance of communication all round.
natanbcpc's review against another edition
Considering how much this book is based on personal anecdotes and how Franklin Veaux is an abusive liar (watch Mainely Mandy's YouTube videos on this for the details), consider reading another book on the topic or waiting for the rewritten version by Eve Rickert with Andrea Zanin
lexrambeau's review against another edition
1.0
It’s a book written by an abusive man using tactics that helped him abuse his partners. Is that really something you think would be helpful for you as you navigate relationships?
In the book you have several instances where any expectations of reliability or accountability are treated as moral failings on part of the person expecting them. Which was essentially the thing that his former partners claim he "weaponized" for gaslighting. Readers are encouraged to push though uncomfortable and painful feelings, if not there’s something wrong with them and they’re not really poly
It’s also clear the authors frown on any other relationship type other than their own. Even though polyamory is not inherently more enlightened or progressive, especially with the author using it to abuse women
In the book you have several instances where any expectations of reliability or accountability are treated as moral failings on part of the person expecting them. Which was essentially the thing that his former partners claim he "weaponized" for gaslighting. Readers are encouraged to push though uncomfortable and painful feelings, if not there’s something wrong with them and they’re not really poly
It’s also clear the authors frown on any other relationship type other than their own. Even though polyamory is not inherently more enlightened or progressive, especially with the author using it to abuse women
adastrame's review against another edition
4.0
"Be flexible. Be compassionate. Rules can never cure insecurity. Integrity matters. Never try to script what your relationships will look like. Love is abundant. Compatibility matters. You cannot sacrifice your happiness for that of another. [...] It is almost impossible to be loving or compassionate when all you fear is fear of loss. Trust that your partners want to be with you, and that if given the freedom to do anything they please, they will choose to cherish and support you."
lsparrow's review against another edition
4.0
I felt that this was definitely a great practical guide that felt very compassionate in the approach.
I did not have any times where I strongly disagreed with the authors on their perspective or approach - although in general the authors left a lot of room for different expressions.
As with many resources on polyamory I did feel that the part that addressed mental health issues was very limited and seemed to address this from the view that people should disclose these issues to future partners without recognising that mental health issues come in so many forms, can happen at any time to individuals and the issues that exist with mis/under/over- diagnosis. Also it failed to even discuss issues of trauma. I also had been hoping for a bit more of a discussion about anti-opression and issues of race and class as they play out in our poly relationships. Of course the overall themes and premis can be applied to these issues but I would love to see more disscussions about these issues in specific.
I did not have any times where I strongly disagreed with the authors on their perspective or approach - although in general the authors left a lot of room for different expressions.
As with many resources on polyamory I did feel that the part that addressed mental health issues was very limited and seemed to address this from the view that people should disclose these issues to future partners without recognising that mental health issues come in so many forms, can happen at any time to individuals and the issues that exist with mis/under/over- diagnosis. Also it failed to even discuss issues of trauma. I also had been hoping for a bit more of a discussion about anti-opression and issues of race and class as they play out in our poly relationships. Of course the overall themes and premis can be applied to these issues but I would love to see more disscussions about these issues in specific.
baileyanabella's review against another edition
This is often referenced in most other polyamory books I've picked up, so I thought I should give it a shot. I gave it a very fair shot, I think, but truthfully the point I got to in the book was from primarily skimming through sections that discuss things I already know or am comfortable with, and didn't seem to offer much new insight to keep me intrigued. This is, almost literally, a manual for how to be non-monogamous. A good reference for sure, but way less of a personally driven narrative and more fact slough.
loopingtangent's review against another edition
adventurous
informative
inspiring
reflective
slow-paced
4.0
marquaal's review against another edition
3.0
In general, this book is useful and eye opening. Common themes for consent, agency, communication, self efficacy, and the difference between rules/boundaries run throughout the book.
Drawbacks? The writing could be much more concise. The authors describe poly as possible in many forms, but it feels like they have a "way to do poly" in mind (that may or may not match the reader). Largely focuses on cis het poly couples. The authors insist on using he/she pronouns throughout, which add a weird gender imbalance to many of their examples. Tends to put the burden on the less secure partner. Several sections have publishers notes (at the end of chapters) saying that experts disagree or find portions of the chapter problematic (but then recommend an additional ebook from the authors).
Drawbacks? The writing could be much more concise. The authors describe poly as possible in many forms, but it feels like they have a "way to do poly" in mind (that may or may not match the reader). Largely focuses on cis het poly couples. The authors insist on using he/she pronouns throughout, which add a weird gender imbalance to many of their examples. Tends to put the burden on the less secure partner. Several sections have publishers notes (at the end of chapters) saying that experts disagree or find portions of the chapter problematic (but then recommend an additional ebook from the authors).
reba_reads_books's review against another edition
5.0
I originally rated four stars because I think the writing style could've been more concise, but that's a quibble of a criticism. This book deserves five stars; it's the best book on polyamory I've read so far. It's my bible. This is the book I come back to again and again. It's the book that focuses on ETHICS,
on respecting all of the people in your life (that includes yourself!) while loving more than one person. If you're just starting out in non-monogamy, I recommend reading [a:Tristan Taormino|13893|Tristan Taormino|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1241222874p2/13893.jpg]'s [b:Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships|1128665|Opening Up A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships|Tristan Taormino|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1328748284s/1128665.jpg|1115844] first; it's a fantastic overview of ALL forms of non-monogamy, polyamory being just one of them.
on respecting all of the people in your life (that includes yourself!) while loving more than one person. If you're just starting out in non-monogamy, I recommend reading [a:Tristan Taormino|13893|Tristan Taormino|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1241222874p2/13893.jpg]'s [b:Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships|1128665|Opening Up A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships|Tristan Taormino|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1328748284s/1128665.jpg|1115844] first; it's a fantastic overview of ALL forms of non-monogamy, polyamory being just one of them.