Reviews with content warning for Alcoholism - Tell Me How to Be

This book truly floored me. It was a meditation on grief but one of the things I loved about it is that it was about a grief familiar to all of us but rarely explored, the grief of might’ve beens. There is Akash, an alcoholic closeted gay man, still deeply affected by the trauma he experienced as a child in the form of homophobic bullying at school, his first love as a teenager, and the fact that he had no space to process that trauma because his family didn’t allow that space for him. Then there is his mother Renu, mourning the loss of her husband and Akash’s father, but even more so, losing herself in the reverie of what might have been if she had fought to stay with her first love, Kareem when she was a young adult and her parents arranged a marriage for her. Both characters lose themselves in regret, and it causes such tension with each other in the present. The denouement of the book and the way these parallel storylines came together was devastatingly beautiful and really got to the essence of the human condition. All of the characters are beautifully drawn. The prose is beautiful. And every single beat of the story felt so incredibly earned. I read this in one sitting. Absolutely loved it.

Content Warnings

brizam's review

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dark emotional reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.5

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serendipitysbooks's review against another edition

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emotional reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.75

Tell Me How To Be was a fantastic read. I loved the Indian representation, the complicated family dynamics, and the exploration of different aspects of identity and belonging. The writing was great and the dual narrative perspective worked really well for me since it served to emphasise one of the strengths of this book - the parallels and similarities in the lives of Akash and his mother Renu. He’s gay, but closeted especially to his family, trying to make it in the music industry- not exactly what his parents wanted for him, is haunted by memories of his first love, and drinks too much. She meanwhile is grieving her husband while feeling guilty for not loving him the way he loved her, and is still harbouring feelings for her first love, a love that was forbidden for cultural reasons. In wrestling with their past, their guilt, and the expectations they felt burdened with Akash and Renu move towards finding themselves and finding their way back to each other. While most reviews focus on Akash’s storyline - and it is a good one and arguably the major one - I will admit a fondness for Renu’s. Being a woman of a certain age myself I could relate to her and many - but not all - of her struggles. I was attracted to the way she was now putting herself first. My feelings about the author not giving her the ending I wished for are decidedly mixed!

One thing I specifically want to mention is Renu’s book club, populated by white women. If you need a lesson in how not to interact with someone from a different cultural background to your own, look no further. Their behaviour was totally cringey and wrong on so many levels. I’d like to hope it was an exaggerated parody, but I fear it wasn’t.

Content Warnings

twinadam's review

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emotional reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

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diamondgb's review

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emotional hopeful reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

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buttermellow's review

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challenging dark emotional informative reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

Content Warnings

taleswithtrix's review against another edition

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4.0

This book was a page turner! We get two different perspectives, Akash, a closeted gay Asian American and his widowed mom, Renu who is coping with struggles of her own family/love life, past. The flipping perspective in fairly short chapters kept me super intrigued with cliff hangers left and right; I didn’t want to stop reading.

We don’t see many stories or novels written about Asian Americans in the LGBTQIA community so I really loved that Neel Patel shined a light here. We get all of the Indian-esc perspective living in a predominantly white community in Illinois, plus the LGBT+ perspective within a non-white community.

It had me feeling all sorts of ways because of the homophobia and racism that is throughout but also from the other side. As a white American married to an Indian man, I really enjoyed Jessica (Akash’s white Sister In Law) and Renu’s relationship; the struggle to not feel judged or misunderstood when two culture and races have different expectations, etc. was very relatable for me. Many things Renu felt about white women rubbed me the wrong way. And I also hated how the book club treated Renu. I think had they lived in a more diverse American community things would’ve been different; I’d be interested to see how he would write it differently set somewhere like Boston or DC.

Akash and Renu’s struggles, feelings, experiences were very raw. While I hated Bijal (Akash’s brother) most of the book, I loved how the family grew and came into their own personally as individuals and as a family.

I also loved all the 90s music references and vibes!

This one is definitely worth a read!

Content Warnings

mj1847's review

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emotional reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

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