Reviews tagging 'Toxic relationship'

Das Archiv der Träume by Carmen Maria Machado

638 reviews

onamoonbeam's review against another edition

dark emotional inspiring reflective tense medium-paced

5.0

oh! so that's why this author's famous! moment. read a few excerpts of this for a creative writing class and loved them months ago, finally got around to reading the whole thing. the mastery machado has over language is. absurd. somehow lots of colloquial language to illustrate swathes of emotion and history that will be rattling around in my mind for who knows how long. she also likes the word eponymous, which i will now actually remember the definition of. 
notable bits

• as a trope lover, the fact the memoir is formatted like this at all is already fantastic, not to mention. literally everything else
• the three deja vu chapters are marked in my book, and i flipped between them, reading their corresponding sentences in order in awe of oh. everything in this book is put together with intention, and this is just a small piece of it. 
• the choose your own adventure part with the 
  (multiple!!) pages that say smth like 'you should not be on this page, there was no way to get to it with the choices provided. you wanted to get out/you can't get out, this already happened/were you looking for a way out' ARE SO GOOD i love when authors use their mediums to the fullest because in what other format could that exist? it reminded me of some pieces of interactive fiction, where choice being given and then taken away, or pointing out the illusion of choice, is more impactful than starting out with no choice to begin with. 
•  
  the use of footnotes in reference to folklore and foreshadowing is *chef's kiss* both opposite and adjacent to the princess bride to me. some of them, esp the one of 'mother killing her child' i gasped at
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  pointing out that the language we use to describe abuse is so trite that horrible experiences seem banal, then pointing out a specific experience
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  magical realism almost? of her experiences after the breakup, shrinking and drowning in tears and finding solace in animals
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  "We deserve to have our wrongdoing represented as much as our heroism, because when we refuse wrongdoing as a possibility for a group of people, we refuse their humanity" AAAGH
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  explicit separation of "you" and "i" in one chapter that continues for the rest of the book, works to 1. separate her experiences at the time of the relationship and at other points in her life 2. a marker of her growth 3. everything becomes deeply personal to the reader. you are running/dreaming/hiding. do you understand, now? 
•  
  "Part of the problem was, as a weird fat girl, you felt lucky." the elementary school me is pounding the floor of my heart, ie. when I read that I gripped the book a little tighter
• HOUSE AND SPACE METAPHORS

 
something about this is peak english major to me, and i mean that as a compliment. guess i gotta go read her body and other parties now

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Sexual content, Emotional abuse, Domestic abuse, Gaslighting, Toxic relationship, and Grief

Minor: Infidelity, Sexual violence, and Suicidal thoughts

amandarosexox's review against another edition

dark emotional medium-paced

4.0

The use of different techniques/limitations/inspirations for each chapter was very inspired and well executed, making the book even more engaging for the reader. 

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Domestic abuse

Moderate: Sexual assault, Toxic relationship, Gaslighting, and Infidelity

fayemomodu's review against another edition

emotional informative reflective medium-paced

5.0

Absolutely love this book. As someone who attending college at the University of Iowa I loved reading this as it takes place in Iowa City at the college. The book almost reads as poetry and is very beautiful written.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Emotional abuse, Gaslighting, Hate crime, Mental illness, Panic attacks/disorders, Sexual assault, Toxic relationship, Suicidal thoughts, Transphobia, Animal cruelty, Domestic abuse, Physical abuse, Sexual harassment, Sexual violence, Addiction, Alcoholism, and Body shaming

anaheeta's review against another edition

dark emotional sad tense medium-paced

5.0

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Emotional abuse, Homophobia, Hate crime, Death, Toxic relationship, and Domestic abuse

Moderate: Fatphobia

clovetra's review against another edition

challenging dark informative medium-paced

4.0

i feel it very hard to summarise this book. especially seeing as it is a biography about domestic violence. 

reading this book was very conflicting. at times, i hated the lyrical and vague writing presented, with abstract concepts plaguing this book, confusing the shit out of me. at other times, i adored the intrinsic thoughts of machado presented, and the format of the story aided in presenting how machado felt.

 i absolutely adored the choose your own adventure portion & the mini excerpts about queer history & abuse. i think i spent a solid 10 minutes pondering the choose your own adventure section. it felt so perfect for this book. the excerpts explaining abuse in queer communities was a great addition, with machado linking the stories to her experiences.

i didn’t really enjoy how this story jumps every where, and a lot of points are repetitive. the repetitive nature is probably a deeper commentary on the cycle of domestic violence i am too naive to discern, but it was frustrating as a reader. it kind of reminded me of “a woman is no man” by etaf rum in that sense - yes, these are novels based in truth, and domestic violence isn’t as simple as leaving. on a purely artistic form, this book was a beautiful explanation of the back and forth present with dv victims. but as a reader it was a difficult read. 

i do think this book has taught me a lot, especially within myself and a lot of lesbian history i didn’t know (shakes head at self). i do also think this book was beautifully written and something every queer person should read. but i don’t know i find there are a lot of “drawbacks” that i can’t even put a name to regarding this book. it’s so lyrical in nature it’s hard to describe what i loved & what i didn’t. 

i feel awful saying all these things because it’s a memoir!!!! this shit is real!!!!!! i am not just critiquing words on a page i’m critiquing someone’s lived experiences!!!!! but i can’t lie and praise this book till the cows come home. i don’t know i feel like this review is a bit scummy seeing as this is based in reality

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Sexual content, Domestic abuse, Violence, and Toxic relationship

Moderate: Homophobia, Sexual assault, Physical abuse, Gaslighting, and Drug use

Minor: Pregnancy

kaimju's review against another edition

dark emotional reflective sad tense medium-paced

5.0

„In the pit of it, you fantasize about dying. Tripping on a sidewalk and stumbling into the path of an oncoming car… Anything to make it stop. You have forgotten that leaving is an option" </3

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, and Toxic relationship

Moderate: Biphobia and Homophobia

Minor: Sexual assault

lpogo16's review against another edition

dark emotional hopeful reflective sad medium-paced

5.0

Machado had a lot of courage in talking about her story and a lot of heart in telling the story of other queer women. This book really opened my eyes to a topic I never thought to look at head on. 

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Infidelity, Mental illness, Bullying, Sexual content, Emotional abuse, Gaslighting, Schizophrenia/Psychosis , Sexual violence, Toxic relationship, Violence, Rape, Sexual harassment, Alcohol, and Domestic abuse

Moderate: Fatphobia, Homophobia, Murder, Violence, Child abuse, Body shaming, Drug abuse, and Drug use

Minor: Vomit, Dementia, Blood, Cursing, and Confinement

The vibe of this book is really sad. The energy is very depressing though it does take a hopefully turn at the end.

alloftaysreads's review against another edition

dark emotional sad fast-paced

4.5

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Gaslighting, Domestic abuse, Cursing, Sexual content, Toxic relationship, and Emotional abuse

Moderate: Sexual violence, Religious bigotry, Domestic abuse, Toxic relationship, Lesbophobia, Homophobia, Emotional abuse, and Sexual assault

Minor: Adult/minor relationship

klsreads's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional reflective sad tense medium-paced

5.0

In the Dream House is a masterpiece. Told in vignettes structured around literature tropes, this memoir follows the rise and fall of a profoundly abusive relationship. Machado is brave, vulnerable, and unflinchingly honest as she exposes the abuse she suffered across a 2 year relationship with another woman. She asks: if we view queer relationships as utopia divorced from patriarchy and hierarchy, are we being homophobic? Are lesbians not humans - complex, hurting, and capable of inflicting extreme harm? If we flatten a group of people into a monolith, we dehumanize them. This book is a necessary addition to the growing work on the incidence of abuse in queer relationships.

I've never read anything quite like this - I loved the vignette narrative structure. The book moved quickly because most sections were short. A couple of the tropes dragged on for me/didn't hit 100%, but I was enthralled and could hardly put it down. A few standouts for me - "Dream House as Deja Vu" (x3), "Dream House as Queer Villainy" (!!!), "Dream House as Bluebeard", "Dream House as the River Lethe", "Dream House as Choose Your Own Adventure" ...... ok, I have to stop or I'm going to quote half of this work.

Even more wild: I was in Iowa City as an undergrad during the events of this book. Did I see Carmen and the Woman from the Dream House at a coffee shop, at Obama's speech, in a bookstore? It makes me shiver, the ways people suffer out of view.

Brilliant. Carmen Maria Machado is an absolute force and a genius of prose and innovative structure. I HIGHLY recommend this book, but mind the CW's. Machado doesn't shy away from the gore at the heart of her story. 

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Domestic abuse, Drug use, Gaslighting, Homophobia, Panic attacks/disorders, Toxic relationship, Grief, Racism, Suicidal thoughts, Lesbophobia, Misogyny, Physical abuse, Sexual assault, Sexual harassment, Vomit, Self harm, Sexism, Sexual violence, Blood, Violence, Fatphobia, Infidelity, Abandonment, Alcohol, Bullying, Confinement, Cursing, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Rape, and Sexual content

Moderate: Biphobia, Car accident, Adult/minor relationship, and Injury/Injury detail

Minor: Animal death, Cancer, Schizophrenia/Psychosis , and Gun violence

ellornaslibrary's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional hopeful informative reflective sad medium-paced

5.0

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Toxic friendship, Physical abuse, Domestic abuse, Grief, Emotional abuse, Toxic relationship, Suicidal thoughts, Gaslighting, Alcoholism, Sexual content, Sexual violence, and Panic attacks/disorders

Moderate: Injury/Injury detail and Infidelity

Minor: Death and Fire/Fire injury