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3.74 AVERAGE
3.74 AVERAGE
This book helped clarify so much for me about the tension between self-acceptance and self-improvement: “You may try to change in ways that allow you to be more healthy and happy, but this is done because you care about yourself, not because you are worthless or unacceptable as you are.”
The 3 step practice of 1. Being mindful, 2. Seeing the common humanity in my experiences, and 3. Talking to myself like I would a friend has literally changed my life by helping me manage my harder feelings and better align my actions w my values. I’ve also noticed I’ve become significantly more compassionate toward others as I’ve learned to be more compassionate w myself.
Learning how common humanity plays into self-compassion has helped me differentiate self-compassion from self-pity. Self-pity separates us from others and exaggerates the extent of our personal egos, significance and suffering. Self-compassion sees the common humanity in our experiences to build connection and belonging rather than isolation and disconnection.
Viewing self-compassion with both fierce and tender qualities has also been helpful and illuminating. I am learning to ask myself: “What do I need in this moment?” and more specifically “What do I need to help alleviate my suffering?” I.e. “Tender self-compassion involves “being with” ourselves in an accepting way: comforting ourselves, reassuring ourselves that we aren’t alone, and being present with our pain. Fierce self-compassion involves “acting in the world” to alleviate suffering. It tends to involve protecting, providing for, and motivating ourselves. Sometimes we need to stand tall and say no, draw boundaries, or fight injustice. Or we may need to say yes to ourselves, to do what’s needed to be happy rather than subordinating our needs to those of others. And if we’re stuck in a bad situation or habits that are harmful, it means doing something different. Not because we’re unacceptable as we are, but because we care.”
Learning how self-compassion differs from self-esteem has also helped. “In modern Western culture, self-esteem is often based on how much we are different from others, how much we stand out or are special. It is not okay to be average, we have to feel above average to feel good about ourselves. This means that attempts to raise self-esteem may result in narcissistic, self-absorbed behavior, or lead us to put others down in order to feel better about ourselves. . . . The need for high self-esteem may encourage us to ignore, distort or hide personal shortcomings so that we can’t see ourselves clearly and accurately.” We learn to feel compassion for ourselves because all human beings deserve compassion and understanding, not because we possess some particular set of traits.
Self-compassion allows for greater self-clarity, because personal failings and weaknesses can be seen and acknowledged with kindness instead of avoided through shame and perfectionism.
Would have given 5 stars but the focus and organization, particularly toward the end of the book, was a little scattered.
The 3 step practice of 1. Being mindful, 2. Seeing the common humanity in my experiences, and 3. Talking to myself like I would a friend has literally changed my life by helping me manage my harder feelings and better align my actions w my values. I’ve also noticed I’ve become significantly more compassionate toward others as I’ve learned to be more compassionate w myself.
Learning how common humanity plays into self-compassion has helped me differentiate self-compassion from self-pity. Self-pity separates us from others and exaggerates the extent of our personal egos, significance and suffering. Self-compassion sees the common humanity in our experiences to build connection and belonging rather than isolation and disconnection.
Viewing self-compassion with both fierce and tender qualities has also been helpful and illuminating. I am learning to ask myself: “What do I need in this moment?” and more specifically “What do I need to help alleviate my suffering?” I.e. “Tender self-compassion involves “being with” ourselves in an accepting way: comforting ourselves, reassuring ourselves that we aren’t alone, and being present with our pain. Fierce self-compassion involves “acting in the world” to alleviate suffering. It tends to involve protecting, providing for, and motivating ourselves. Sometimes we need to stand tall and say no, draw boundaries, or fight injustice. Or we may need to say yes to ourselves, to do what’s needed to be happy rather than subordinating our needs to those of others. And if we’re stuck in a bad situation or habits that are harmful, it means doing something different. Not because we’re unacceptable as we are, but because we care.”
Learning how self-compassion differs from self-esteem has also helped. “In modern Western culture, self-esteem is often based on how much we are different from others, how much we stand out or are special. It is not okay to be average, we have to feel above average to feel good about ourselves. This means that attempts to raise self-esteem may result in narcissistic, self-absorbed behavior, or lead us to put others down in order to feel better about ourselves. . . . The need for high self-esteem may encourage us to ignore, distort or hide personal shortcomings so that we can’t see ourselves clearly and accurately.” We learn to feel compassion for ourselves because all human beings deserve compassion and understanding, not because we possess some particular set of traits.
Self-compassion allows for greater self-clarity, because personal failings and weaknesses can be seen and acknowledged with kindness instead of avoided through shame and perfectionism.
Would have given 5 stars but the focus and organization, particularly toward the end of the book, was a little scattered.
funny
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
I liked some of the introduction, but lost interest at about 15%. I’d rather read something like this in print or just watch a Ted talk.
informative
inspiring
reflective
emotional
hopeful
informative
reflective
slow-paced
I listened to this on audiobook, and on the whole, liked it. Overall, the premise of the book and self-compassion was valuable, but it did feel repetitive and preachy at times. Also, didn't love her use of the euphemism around disability (differently abled etc). Was helpful, but didn't entirely live up to my expectations, a bit disappointing.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Misogyny, Sexism
Moderate: Ableism
I needed this to be half the length. I feel like the first half was 4 stars and then the author really flexed her white privilege and knowledge on exclusive white feminism but referred to it as helping and including all women (which we know is not true). Also included some fat shaming comments which I see time and time again in books written by fellow white women. I felt really let down by this author and book so this is why I am giving this 2 stars. Not helpful enough to recommend.
informative
inspiring
slow-paced
I needed this to be half the length. I feel like the first half was 4 stars and then the author really flexed her white privilege and knowledge on exclusive white feminism but referred to it as helping and including all women (which we know is not true). Also included some fat shaming comments which I see time and time again in books written by fellow white women. I felt really let down by this author and book so this is why I am giving this 2 stars. Not helpful enough to recommend.
