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joensign's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.5
Content Warnings
Graphic: Biphobia, Abandonment, Emotional abuse, Panic attacks/disorders, and Homophobia
Moderate: Alcoholism and Toxic relationship
Minor: Vomit
bisexualbookshelf's review against another edition
emotional
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.75
Thank you to the publisher for the gifted ARC and final copy!
In her debut novel "But How Are You, Really?", Ella Dawson crafts a poignant and heartfelt narrative that delves deep into the complexities of a queer millennial’s journey toward self-acceptance and healing. The story centers around Charlotte Thorne, a bisexual artist grappling with the harsh realities of adulthood, an abusive past relationship, and the daunting invitation to her five-year college reunion at Hein University.
Charlotte's life is far from what she envisioned. Estranged from her parents and stuck in a dead-end job working for a wealthy egomaniac, she is a portrait of struggle and resilience. Dawson masterfully portrays Charlotte’s internal battle, highlighting her financial insecurities and the constant façade she maintains to appear "fine." This struggle is beautifully encapsulated in Charlotte’s introspective moments, such as when she reflects on her dissociation and isolation: “How long had it been since she felt present in her own life, alert and exposed and wanting?”
One of the most powerful aspects of the novel is Charlotte’s intricate relationship with her ex-boyfriend Ben. Through their history, Dawson provides a stark depiction of intimate partner abuse, detailing the manipulative tactics like love bombing that Ben employed. Charlotte’s learned self-isolation from this toxic relationship serves as a powerful commentary on the long-lasting impact of abuse. Yet, this novel is not defined by Charlotte’s trauma but rather by her journey towards healing.
Reece, the endearing "one that got away," emerges as a beacon of hope and potential for rekindled romance. His character, a sexy golden retriever love interest, brings an element of warmth and sobriety to the story. His journey through alcohol abuse recovery adds a layer of depth and representation to the narrative, illustrating that recovery and love can coexist. The delicious tension and unresolved feelings between Charlotte and Reece provide a hopeful contrast to her painful past.
Central to Charlotte’s healing process is her queer chosen family. The support group they form for those with dead or disappointing parents, known as the 3Ds, becomes a source of strength and community care for Charlotte. Dawson’s depiction of this chosen family is tender and authentic, emphasizing the importance of found family in the queer experience: "Her friends helped her see that there was nothing weak about her grief, her resentment, or her fear," a line that beautifully underscores the novel’s theme of communal healing.
Dawson’s prose is both lyrical and evocative, yet remains grounded and accessible. She captures the raw emotions and inner turmoil of her characters with precision, making Charlotte’s experiences deeply relatable. The queer empowerment themes and class consciousness woven into the narrative add a rich layer of social commentary, making the story not only personal but also relevant to broader social issues.
"But How Are You, Really?" stands out as a queer millennial coming-of-age story that resonates deeply with its audience. Charlotte is a character who embodies the anxious, introspective, and ultimately resilient spirit of many young queer people today. Her journey from isolation to embracing community and self-love is both inspiring and empowering.
Ella Dawson has given us a novel that feels like a conversation with a close friend, one that leaves you feeling seen, hugged, and understood. For fans of Haley Jakobson’s "Old Enough" and all the "shy until you get to know them" bisexuals, this book is a must-read. It is a testament to the power of community, the courage to confront one’s past, and the hope for a brighter, more authentic future. Thank you, Ella, for this unforgettable story—I will be thinking about it for a long time.
📖 Recommended For: Enthusiasts of Queer Coming-of-Age Stories, Readers Interested in Themes of Healing from Trauma, Admirers of Character-Driven Narratives with Class-Consciousness, Fans of Haley Jakobson’s "Old Enough" and Queer Chosen Families Books.
🔑 Key Themes: Recovery from Intimate Partner Abuse, Class Consciousness and Financial Insecurity, Queer Identity and Bisexual Representation, Community Care and Self-Acceptance, The Journey Towards Healing From Trauma.
In her debut novel "But How Are You, Really?", Ella Dawson crafts a poignant and heartfelt narrative that delves deep into the complexities of a queer millennial’s journey toward self-acceptance and healing. The story centers around Charlotte Thorne, a bisexual artist grappling with the harsh realities of adulthood, an abusive past relationship, and the daunting invitation to her five-year college reunion at Hein University.
Charlotte's life is far from what she envisioned. Estranged from her parents and stuck in a dead-end job working for a wealthy egomaniac, she is a portrait of struggle and resilience. Dawson masterfully portrays Charlotte’s internal battle, highlighting her financial insecurities and the constant façade she maintains to appear "fine." This struggle is beautifully encapsulated in Charlotte’s introspective moments, such as when she reflects on her dissociation and isolation: “How long had it been since she felt present in her own life, alert and exposed and wanting?”
One of the most powerful aspects of the novel is Charlotte’s intricate relationship with her ex-boyfriend Ben. Through their history, Dawson provides a stark depiction of intimate partner abuse, detailing the manipulative tactics like love bombing that Ben employed. Charlotte’s learned self-isolation from this toxic relationship serves as a powerful commentary on the long-lasting impact of abuse. Yet, this novel is not defined by Charlotte’s trauma but rather by her journey towards healing.
Reece, the endearing "one that got away," emerges as a beacon of hope and potential for rekindled romance. His character, a sexy golden retriever love interest, brings an element of warmth and sobriety to the story. His journey through alcohol abuse recovery adds a layer of depth and representation to the narrative, illustrating that recovery and love can coexist. The delicious tension and unresolved feelings between Charlotte and Reece provide a hopeful contrast to her painful past.
Central to Charlotte’s healing process is her queer chosen family. The support group they form for those with dead or disappointing parents, known as the 3Ds, becomes a source of strength and community care for Charlotte. Dawson’s depiction of this chosen family is tender and authentic, emphasizing the importance of found family in the queer experience: "Her friends helped her see that there was nothing weak about her grief, her resentment, or her fear," a line that beautifully underscores the novel’s theme of communal healing.
Dawson’s prose is both lyrical and evocative, yet remains grounded and accessible. She captures the raw emotions and inner turmoil of her characters with precision, making Charlotte’s experiences deeply relatable. The queer empowerment themes and class consciousness woven into the narrative add a rich layer of social commentary, making the story not only personal but also relevant to broader social issues.
"But How Are You, Really?" stands out as a queer millennial coming-of-age story that resonates deeply with its audience. Charlotte is a character who embodies the anxious, introspective, and ultimately resilient spirit of many young queer people today. Her journey from isolation to embracing community and self-love is both inspiring and empowering.
Ella Dawson has given us a novel that feels like a conversation with a close friend, one that leaves you feeling seen, hugged, and understood. For fans of Haley Jakobson’s "Old Enough" and all the "shy until you get to know them" bisexuals, this book is a must-read. It is a testament to the power of community, the courage to confront one’s past, and the hope for a brighter, more authentic future. Thank you, Ella, for this unforgettable story—I will be thinking about it for a long time.
📖 Recommended For: Enthusiasts of Queer Coming-of-Age Stories, Readers Interested in Themes of Healing from Trauma, Admirers of Character-Driven Narratives with Class-Consciousness, Fans of Haley Jakobson’s "Old Enough" and Queer Chosen Families Books.
🔑 Key Themes: Recovery from Intimate Partner Abuse, Class Consciousness and Financial Insecurity, Queer Identity and Bisexual Representation, Community Care and Self-Acceptance, The Journey Towards Healing From Trauma.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual content
Minor: Alcohol, Suicidal thoughts, Death of parent, Abandonment, Alcoholism, Mental illness, Domestic abuse, and Homophobia
kerryamchugh's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.0
Bisexual rep, young adults coming of age and reliving college years at their five-year-reunion, found family. Spot-on depictions of anxiety/panic attacks. Major tw for narcissistic ex/emotional abuse/controlling relationship, and parental abuse specifically for being queer. All handled with grace in a really lovely sorry that grants happy endings in ways that feel believable and not too pat.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Alcohol, Gaslighting, Homophobia, Panic attacks/disorders, Emotional abuse, Suicidal thoughts, and Toxic relationship
Moderate: Biphobia and Death of parent
Minor: Alcoholism, Vomit, and Addiction
wendahh324's review against another edition
emotional
funny
inspiring
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
Thank you to Dutton and NetGalley for the honor of reading this book in exchange for an honest review.
Charlotte hates her job. Instead of being a graphic designer, she's an assistant to a demanding tech journalist you keeps dangling a transfer to the art department over her head. When he is chosen to be the commencement speaker at her alma mater, Charlotte gets roped into going ahead of him and attending her five year reunion. Charlotte made a great group of fellow queer and absent parent having friends in her time at college. She has been terrible at keeping in touch with them because of her demanding and disappointing job. One in particular is Reece, the guy she had a fling with after leaving her abusive ex. Charlotte is forced to re-examine her life and her choices when she's her friends again and decide where she wants to go from here.
This book was such a breath of fresh air. It watered my crops and cleared my acne. It gave me hope when I had none. I'm being a bit dramatic but that is how much I loved this book. I adored seeing a book with so many queer characters. I saw myself in the characters of this book in a way I never have in a book before. Although I thankfully did not have homophobic parents like Charlotte does, I really felt like I understood her.
This book felt very millennial, which I appreciated. The characters' references were my references and the burnout that they experienced is all too common in my generation. I could feel the disappointment in not achieving your dreams yet when everyone around you seems to be doing well. I felt like this book was very much written for me. It takes place in 2018, which takes a second to adjust to, but makes sense for where the characters are in their lives based on their references.
This book handled a lot of difficult topics. These included homophobia, grief, alcoholism, abusive relationships, anxiety/panic disorder, sexual harassment. These were handled so impressively. I felt the character’s panic without ever feeling unsafe. I applaud the author for not shying away from these topics while also giving the book lighter moments. It was an emotional book but I would not call it particularly dark.
I appreciated that the characters communicated with each other, at least eventually. When a character's feelings were hurt, they communicated that so that the other could apologize. Characters were clear in their intentions and interacted like actual people. This does not always happen in books.
I also enjoyed the character of Reece, who felt like a normal, decent guy. There could have been some melodramatic moments in the story if he reacted the wrong way, but he listened and was a rational person.
I don't want to say too much about this book, because I think that it should be read. Overall I’m just so glad that this book exists.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Emotional abuse, Toxic relationship, Sexism, Misogyny, and Homophobia
Minor: Alcoholism
This book covers a lot of difficult topics but in a safe way.
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