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bisexualbookshelf's review against another edition
emotional
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.75
Thank you to the publisher for the gifted ARC and final copy!
In her debut novel "But How Are You, Really?", Ella Dawson crafts a poignant and heartfelt narrative that delves deep into the complexities of a queer millennial’s journey toward self-acceptance and healing. The story centers around Charlotte Thorne, a bisexual artist grappling with the harsh realities of adulthood, an abusive past relationship, and the daunting invitation to her five-year college reunion at Hein University.
Charlotte's life is far from what she envisioned. Estranged from her parents and stuck in a dead-end job working for a wealthy egomaniac, she is a portrait of struggle and resilience. Dawson masterfully portrays Charlotte’s internal battle, highlighting her financial insecurities and the constant façade she maintains to appear "fine." This struggle is beautifully encapsulated in Charlotte’s introspective moments, such as when she reflects on her dissociation and isolation: “How long had it been since she felt present in her own life, alert and exposed and wanting?”
One of the most powerful aspects of the novel is Charlotte’s intricate relationship with her ex-boyfriend Ben. Through their history, Dawson provides a stark depiction of intimate partner abuse, detailing the manipulative tactics like love bombing that Ben employed. Charlotte’s learned self-isolation from this toxic relationship serves as a powerful commentary on the long-lasting impact of abuse. Yet, this novel is not defined by Charlotte’s trauma but rather by her journey towards healing.
Reece, the endearing "one that got away," emerges as a beacon of hope and potential for rekindled romance. His character, a sexy golden retriever love interest, brings an element of warmth and sobriety to the story. His journey through alcohol abuse recovery adds a layer of depth and representation to the narrative, illustrating that recovery and love can coexist. The delicious tension and unresolved feelings between Charlotte and Reece provide a hopeful contrast to her painful past.
Central to Charlotte’s healing process is her queer chosen family. The support group they form for those with dead or disappointing parents, known as the 3Ds, becomes a source of strength and community care for Charlotte. Dawson’s depiction of this chosen family is tender and authentic, emphasizing the importance of found family in the queer experience: "Her friends helped her see that there was nothing weak about her grief, her resentment, or her fear," a line that beautifully underscores the novel’s theme of communal healing.
Dawson’s prose is both lyrical and evocative, yet remains grounded and accessible. She captures the raw emotions and inner turmoil of her characters with precision, making Charlotte’s experiences deeply relatable. The queer empowerment themes and class consciousness woven into the narrative add a rich layer of social commentary, making the story not only personal but also relevant to broader social issues.
"But How Are You, Really?" stands out as a queer millennial coming-of-age story that resonates deeply with its audience. Charlotte is a character who embodies the anxious, introspective, and ultimately resilient spirit of many young queer people today. Her journey from isolation to embracing community and self-love is both inspiring and empowering.
Ella Dawson has given us a novel that feels like a conversation with a close friend, one that leaves you feeling seen, hugged, and understood. For fans of Haley Jakobson’s "Old Enough" and all the "shy until you get to know them" bisexuals, this book is a must-read. It is a testament to the power of community, the courage to confront one’s past, and the hope for a brighter, more authentic future. Thank you, Ella, for this unforgettable story—I will be thinking about it for a long time.
📖 Recommended For: Enthusiasts of Queer Coming-of-Age Stories, Readers Interested in Themes of Healing from Trauma, Admirers of Character-Driven Narratives with Class-Consciousness, Fans of Haley Jakobson’s "Old Enough" and Queer Chosen Families Books.
🔑 Key Themes: Recovery from Intimate Partner Abuse, Class Consciousness and Financial Insecurity, Queer Identity and Bisexual Representation, Community Care and Self-Acceptance, The Journey Towards Healing From Trauma.
In her debut novel "But How Are You, Really?", Ella Dawson crafts a poignant and heartfelt narrative that delves deep into the complexities of a queer millennial’s journey toward self-acceptance and healing. The story centers around Charlotte Thorne, a bisexual artist grappling with the harsh realities of adulthood, an abusive past relationship, and the daunting invitation to her five-year college reunion at Hein University.
Charlotte's life is far from what she envisioned. Estranged from her parents and stuck in a dead-end job working for a wealthy egomaniac, she is a portrait of struggle and resilience. Dawson masterfully portrays Charlotte’s internal battle, highlighting her financial insecurities and the constant façade she maintains to appear "fine." This struggle is beautifully encapsulated in Charlotte’s introspective moments, such as when she reflects on her dissociation and isolation: “How long had it been since she felt present in her own life, alert and exposed and wanting?”
One of the most powerful aspects of the novel is Charlotte’s intricate relationship with her ex-boyfriend Ben. Through their history, Dawson provides a stark depiction of intimate partner abuse, detailing the manipulative tactics like love bombing that Ben employed. Charlotte’s learned self-isolation from this toxic relationship serves as a powerful commentary on the long-lasting impact of abuse. Yet, this novel is not defined by Charlotte’s trauma but rather by her journey towards healing.
Reece, the endearing "one that got away," emerges as a beacon of hope and potential for rekindled romance. His character, a sexy golden retriever love interest, brings an element of warmth and sobriety to the story. His journey through alcohol abuse recovery adds a layer of depth and representation to the narrative, illustrating that recovery and love can coexist. The delicious tension and unresolved feelings between Charlotte and Reece provide a hopeful contrast to her painful past.
Central to Charlotte’s healing process is her queer chosen family. The support group they form for those with dead or disappointing parents, known as the 3Ds, becomes a source of strength and community care for Charlotte. Dawson’s depiction of this chosen family is tender and authentic, emphasizing the importance of found family in the queer experience: "Her friends helped her see that there was nothing weak about her grief, her resentment, or her fear," a line that beautifully underscores the novel’s theme of communal healing.
Dawson’s prose is both lyrical and evocative, yet remains grounded and accessible. She captures the raw emotions and inner turmoil of her characters with precision, making Charlotte’s experiences deeply relatable. The queer empowerment themes and class consciousness woven into the narrative add a rich layer of social commentary, making the story not only personal but also relevant to broader social issues.
"But How Are You, Really?" stands out as a queer millennial coming-of-age story that resonates deeply with its audience. Charlotte is a character who embodies the anxious, introspective, and ultimately resilient spirit of many young queer people today. Her journey from isolation to embracing community and self-love is both inspiring and empowering.
Ella Dawson has given us a novel that feels like a conversation with a close friend, one that leaves you feeling seen, hugged, and understood. For fans of Haley Jakobson’s "Old Enough" and all the "shy until you get to know them" bisexuals, this book is a must-read. It is a testament to the power of community, the courage to confront one’s past, and the hope for a brighter, more authentic future. Thank you, Ella, for this unforgettable story—I will be thinking about it for a long time.
📖 Recommended For: Enthusiasts of Queer Coming-of-Age Stories, Readers Interested in Themes of Healing from Trauma, Admirers of Character-Driven Narratives with Class-Consciousness, Fans of Haley Jakobson’s "Old Enough" and Queer Chosen Families Books.
🔑 Key Themes: Recovery from Intimate Partner Abuse, Class Consciousness and Financial Insecurity, Queer Identity and Bisexual Representation, Community Care and Self-Acceptance, The Journey Towards Healing From Trauma.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual content
Minor: Alcohol, Suicidal thoughts, Death of parent, Abandonment, Alcoholism, Mental illness, Domestic abuse, and Homophobia
illtakethenightshiftx's review against another edition
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
Thank you to NetGalley and Dutton for providing an e-ARC in exchange for an honest review!
Charlotte Thorne is a burned out, 20something, ‘disaster bi’ who has to go back to college for graduation weekend for work because her boss is the commencement speaker. Commencement also coincides with her 5-year college reunion and some familiar faces pop back into her world.
As a burned out, 20something post-grad who is trying to just survive without completely losing it and myself, I relate to Charlotte on so many levels. Working jobs you don’t love, losing interest in hobbies, losing touch with close friends - it’s all so real. Charlotte also experienced an emotionally abusive and toxic relationship during her college years that is eerily similar to the one I was in during my latter college years. Dawson does paints an incredibly realistic picture of what happens when you slip back into the role you person played during the relationship and how you fall into patterns of abuse in other ways. The conversations Charlotte had with her friends were almost carbon copies of conversations I had with some of my closest people. I don’t think I’ve seen parts of myself represented on a page this closely, ever.
Charlotte’s reflections on her sexuality were extremely thought provoking and gave me a lot to think about on both personal and larger levels.
Reece (out love interest) was sweet (almost too sweet?) and watching them meet each other all over again helped to lighten the underlying heaviness of the narrative.
I had some issues with the pacing and some of the characters didn’t feel fully fleshed out in terms of their relationship to Charlotte given that it was frequently mentioned that they were her best friends. Also, I would’ve loved to see more of Jackie and Charlotte and how their friendship evolved over the years! Jackie rules!!!
I related to Charlotte more than I expected to and I’m so grateful that I was approved for the ARC. Yes, I already preordered a copy to have & hold forever!!!
Content Warnings
Graphic: Homophobia and Toxic relationship
Moderate: Biphobia and Sexual content
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