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bisexualbookshelf's review against another edition
emotional
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.75
Thank you to the publisher for the gifted ARC and final copy!
In her debut novel "But How Are You, Really?", Ella Dawson crafts a poignant and heartfelt narrative that delves deep into the complexities of a queer millennial’s journey toward self-acceptance and healing. The story centers around Charlotte Thorne, a bisexual artist grappling with the harsh realities of adulthood, an abusive past relationship, and the daunting invitation to her five-year college reunion at Hein University.
Charlotte's life is far from what she envisioned. Estranged from her parents and stuck in a dead-end job working for a wealthy egomaniac, she is a portrait of struggle and resilience. Dawson masterfully portrays Charlotte’s internal battle, highlighting her financial insecurities and the constant façade she maintains to appear "fine." This struggle is beautifully encapsulated in Charlotte’s introspective moments, such as when she reflects on her dissociation and isolation: “How long had it been since she felt present in her own life, alert and exposed and wanting?”
One of the most powerful aspects of the novel is Charlotte’s intricate relationship with her ex-boyfriend Ben. Through their history, Dawson provides a stark depiction of intimate partner abuse, detailing the manipulative tactics like love bombing that Ben employed. Charlotte’s learned self-isolation from this toxic relationship serves as a powerful commentary on the long-lasting impact of abuse. Yet, this novel is not defined by Charlotte’s trauma but rather by her journey towards healing.
Reece, the endearing "one that got away," emerges as a beacon of hope and potential for rekindled romance. His character, a sexy golden retriever love interest, brings an element of warmth and sobriety to the story. His journey through alcohol abuse recovery adds a layer of depth and representation to the narrative, illustrating that recovery and love can coexist. The delicious tension and unresolved feelings between Charlotte and Reece provide a hopeful contrast to her painful past.
Central to Charlotte’s healing process is her queer chosen family. The support group they form for those with dead or disappointing parents, known as the 3Ds, becomes a source of strength and community care for Charlotte. Dawson’s depiction of this chosen family is tender and authentic, emphasizing the importance of found family in the queer experience: "Her friends helped her see that there was nothing weak about her grief, her resentment, or her fear," a line that beautifully underscores the novel’s theme of communal healing.
Dawson’s prose is both lyrical and evocative, yet remains grounded and accessible. She captures the raw emotions and inner turmoil of her characters with precision, making Charlotte’s experiences deeply relatable. The queer empowerment themes and class consciousness woven into the narrative add a rich layer of social commentary, making the story not only personal but also relevant to broader social issues.
"But How Are You, Really?" stands out as a queer millennial coming-of-age story that resonates deeply with its audience. Charlotte is a character who embodies the anxious, introspective, and ultimately resilient spirit of many young queer people today. Her journey from isolation to embracing community and self-love is both inspiring and empowering.
Ella Dawson has given us a novel that feels like a conversation with a close friend, one that leaves you feeling seen, hugged, and understood. For fans of Haley Jakobson’s "Old Enough" and all the "shy until you get to know them" bisexuals, this book is a must-read. It is a testament to the power of community, the courage to confront one’s past, and the hope for a brighter, more authentic future. Thank you, Ella, for this unforgettable story—I will be thinking about it for a long time.
📖 Recommended For: Enthusiasts of Queer Coming-of-Age Stories, Readers Interested in Themes of Healing from Trauma, Admirers of Character-Driven Narratives with Class-Consciousness, Fans of Haley Jakobson’s "Old Enough" and Queer Chosen Families Books.
🔑 Key Themes: Recovery from Intimate Partner Abuse, Class Consciousness and Financial Insecurity, Queer Identity and Bisexual Representation, Community Care and Self-Acceptance, The Journey Towards Healing From Trauma.
In her debut novel "But How Are You, Really?", Ella Dawson crafts a poignant and heartfelt narrative that delves deep into the complexities of a queer millennial’s journey toward self-acceptance and healing. The story centers around Charlotte Thorne, a bisexual artist grappling with the harsh realities of adulthood, an abusive past relationship, and the daunting invitation to her five-year college reunion at Hein University.
Charlotte's life is far from what she envisioned. Estranged from her parents and stuck in a dead-end job working for a wealthy egomaniac, she is a portrait of struggle and resilience. Dawson masterfully portrays Charlotte’s internal battle, highlighting her financial insecurities and the constant façade she maintains to appear "fine." This struggle is beautifully encapsulated in Charlotte’s introspective moments, such as when she reflects on her dissociation and isolation: “How long had it been since she felt present in her own life, alert and exposed and wanting?”
One of the most powerful aspects of the novel is Charlotte’s intricate relationship with her ex-boyfriend Ben. Through their history, Dawson provides a stark depiction of intimate partner abuse, detailing the manipulative tactics like love bombing that Ben employed. Charlotte’s learned self-isolation from this toxic relationship serves as a powerful commentary on the long-lasting impact of abuse. Yet, this novel is not defined by Charlotte’s trauma but rather by her journey towards healing.
Reece, the endearing "one that got away," emerges as a beacon of hope and potential for rekindled romance. His character, a sexy golden retriever love interest, brings an element of warmth and sobriety to the story. His journey through alcohol abuse recovery adds a layer of depth and representation to the narrative, illustrating that recovery and love can coexist. The delicious tension and unresolved feelings between Charlotte and Reece provide a hopeful contrast to her painful past.
Central to Charlotte’s healing process is her queer chosen family. The support group they form for those with dead or disappointing parents, known as the 3Ds, becomes a source of strength and community care for Charlotte. Dawson’s depiction of this chosen family is tender and authentic, emphasizing the importance of found family in the queer experience: "Her friends helped her see that there was nothing weak about her grief, her resentment, or her fear," a line that beautifully underscores the novel’s theme of communal healing.
Dawson’s prose is both lyrical and evocative, yet remains grounded and accessible. She captures the raw emotions and inner turmoil of her characters with precision, making Charlotte’s experiences deeply relatable. The queer empowerment themes and class consciousness woven into the narrative add a rich layer of social commentary, making the story not only personal but also relevant to broader social issues.
"But How Are You, Really?" stands out as a queer millennial coming-of-age story that resonates deeply with its audience. Charlotte is a character who embodies the anxious, introspective, and ultimately resilient spirit of many young queer people today. Her journey from isolation to embracing community and self-love is both inspiring and empowering.
Ella Dawson has given us a novel that feels like a conversation with a close friend, one that leaves you feeling seen, hugged, and understood. For fans of Haley Jakobson’s "Old Enough" and all the "shy until you get to know them" bisexuals, this book is a must-read. It is a testament to the power of community, the courage to confront one’s past, and the hope for a brighter, more authentic future. Thank you, Ella, for this unforgettable story—I will be thinking about it for a long time.
📖 Recommended For: Enthusiasts of Queer Coming-of-Age Stories, Readers Interested in Themes of Healing from Trauma, Admirers of Character-Driven Narratives with Class-Consciousness, Fans of Haley Jakobson’s "Old Enough" and Queer Chosen Families Books.
🔑 Key Themes: Recovery from Intimate Partner Abuse, Class Consciousness and Financial Insecurity, Queer Identity and Bisexual Representation, Community Care and Self-Acceptance, The Journey Towards Healing From Trauma.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual content
Minor: Alcohol, Suicidal thoughts, Death of parent, Abandonment, Alcoholism, Mental illness, Domestic abuse, and Homophobia
jennireadz's review against another edition
5.0
This book is so millennial (in a good way) and really encapsulates this late-20s experience of still not having your life together when (seemingly) everyone else does, and being a bit of a disaster bi.
Taking place at Charlotte's 5 year college reunion, she goes back on campus, a tomb of sorts, for her job. Her boss, a "thought-leader," podcaster, etc etc, was chosen to speak at graduation, which falls over reunion weekend. Charlotte is there to make sure everything goes smoothly and to live-tweet his commencement speech, hoping this'll finally lead to that promotion to the art department. It's still a far cry from the art's passionate about, but she'd be out from under her boss and at least be art-adjacent.
Being back at school means old wounds open, open wounds gape, and trying to just survive this weekend. She's lost touch with her friends, work's gotten too busy, and she needs financial security. She only has herself - she has no one to fall back on. But being back on campus means old ghosts come to haunt again. Worrying so much about seeing her ex-boyfriend, she forgets about her other male ex, Reece. A FWD, for lack of a better word, and a redeeming part of her senior year after an abusive relationship. The 3Ds support group is back together again, after 5 years, and nothing is the same anymore. Who they were in college is just a part of the past, they're scattered all over the country, and Charlotte's lost touch with almost all of them. This weekend is supposed to be about work for her, but it becomes so much more.
This book encapsulates so much of a queer college experience - finding a safe space at a queer-friendly organization, being best friends with your ex-girlfriend, creating a found family, etc etc. It felt like warm hug and reminded me of my days interning for the LGBTQIA+ Center at my old school, and the nostalgia felt like a warm hug. Reading this book during the month of my 5 year graduation anniversary (a coincidence!) hit even harder than expected.
I loved the way this book touched on queerness, college hookup culture, capitalism, abuse (of various kinds), found family, and healing. Charlotte goes through it, but through it all, she has so much love and support from the people she knows, even if she doesn't know how to ask for help.
Thank you NetGalley and Dutton for sending this book for review consideration. All opinions are my own.
Taking place at Charlotte's 5 year college reunion, she goes back on campus, a tomb of sorts, for her job. Her boss, a "thought-leader," podcaster, etc etc, was chosen to speak at graduation, which falls over reunion weekend. Charlotte is there to make sure everything goes smoothly and to live-tweet his commencement speech, hoping this'll finally lead to that promotion to the art department. It's still a far cry from the art's passionate about, but she'd be out from under her boss and at least be art-adjacent.
Being back at school means old wounds open, open wounds gape, and trying to just survive this weekend. She's lost touch with her friends, work's gotten too busy, and she needs financial security. She only has herself - she has no one to fall back on. But being back on campus means old ghosts come to haunt again. Worrying so much about seeing her ex-boyfriend, she forgets about her other male ex, Reece. A FWD, for lack of a better word, and a redeeming part of her senior year after an abusive relationship. The 3Ds support group is back together again, after 5 years, and nothing is the same anymore. Who they were in college is just a part of the past, they're scattered all over the country, and Charlotte's lost touch with almost all of them. This weekend is supposed to be about work for her, but it becomes so much more.
This book encapsulates so much of a queer college experience - finding a safe space at a queer-friendly organization, being best friends with your ex-girlfriend, creating a found family, etc etc. It felt like warm hug and reminded me of my days interning for the LGBTQIA+ Center at my old school, and the nostalgia felt like a warm hug. Reading this book during the month of my 5 year graduation anniversary (a coincidence!) hit even harder than expected.
I loved the way this book touched on queerness, college hookup culture, capitalism, abuse (of various kinds), found family, and healing. Charlotte goes through it, but through it all, she has so much love and support from the people she knows, even if she doesn't know how to ask for help.
Thank you NetGalley and Dutton for sending this book for review consideration. All opinions are my own.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Emotional abuse, Vomit, Panic attacks/disorders, and Gaslighting
Moderate: Toxic relationship and Suicidal thoughts
kerryamchugh's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.0
Bisexual rep, young adults coming of age and reliving college years at their five-year-reunion, found family. Spot-on depictions of anxiety/panic attacks. Major tw for narcissistic ex/emotional abuse/controlling relationship, and parental abuse specifically for being queer. All handled with grace in a really lovely sorry that grants happy endings in ways that feel believable and not too pat.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Alcohol, Gaslighting, Homophobia, Panic attacks/disorders, Emotional abuse, Suicidal thoughts, and Toxic relationship
Moderate: Biphobia and Death of parent
Minor: Alcoholism, Vomit, and Addiction
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