Reviews with content warning for Toxic relationship - But How Are You, Really

Reviews tagging 'Toxic relationship'

But How Are You, Really by Ella Dawson

8 reviews

joensign's review against another edition

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emotional hopeful reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.5

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jennireadz's review against another edition

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5.0

This book is so millennial (in a good way) and really encapsulates this late-20s experience of still not having your life together when (seemingly) everyone else does, and being a bit of a disaster bi.

Taking place at Charlotte's 5 year college reunion, she goes back on campus, a tomb of sorts, for her job. Her boss, a "thought-leader," podcaster, etc etc, was chosen to speak at graduation, which falls over reunion weekend. Charlotte is there to make sure everything goes smoothly and to live-tweet his commencement speech, hoping this'll finally lead to that promotion to the art department. It's still a far cry from the art's passionate about, but she'd be out from under her boss and at least be art-adjacent.

Being back at school means old wounds open, open wounds gape, and trying to just survive this weekend. She's lost touch with her friends, work's gotten too busy, and she needs financial security. She only has herself - she has no one to fall back on. But being back on campus means old ghosts come to haunt again. Worrying so much about seeing her ex-boyfriend, she forgets about her other male ex, Reece. A FWD, for lack of a better word, and a redeeming part of her senior year after an abusive relationship. The 3Ds support group is back together again, after 5 years, and nothing is the same anymore. Who they were in college is just a part of the past, they're scattered all over the country, and Charlotte's lost touch with almost all of them. This weekend is supposed to be about work for her, but it becomes so much more.

This book encapsulates so much of a queer college experience - finding a safe space at a queer-friendly organization, being best friends with your ex-girlfriend, creating a found family, etc etc. It felt like warm hug and reminded me of my days interning for the LGBTQIA+ Center at my old school, and the nostalgia felt like a warm hug. Reading this book during the month of my 5 year graduation anniversary (a coincidence!) hit even harder than expected.

I loved the way this book touched on queerness, college hookup culture, capitalism, abuse (of various kinds), found family, and healing. Charlotte goes through it, but through it all, she has so much love and support from the people she knows, even if she doesn't know how to ask for help.

Thank you NetGalley and Dutton for sending this book for review consideration. All opinions are my own.

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sarahsbookstacks's review against another edition

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emotional hopeful inspiring reflective fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

“You care so much about everyone, and you get so pissed off when you see an injustice. But I don’t think you apply that same care to yourself.”

I needed to read this book.

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kerryamchugh's review against another edition

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emotional hopeful inspiring sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.0

Bisexual rep, young adults coming of age and reliving college years at their five-year-reunion, found family. Spot-on depictions of anxiety/panic attacks. Major tw for narcissistic ex/emotional abuse/controlling relationship, and parental abuse specifically for being queer. All handled with grace in a really lovely sorry that grants happy endings in ways that feel believable and not too pat.

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whitneybkramer's review against another edition

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emotional hopeful reflective sad tense slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.75

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wendahh324's review against another edition

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emotional funny inspiring reflective sad tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

Thank you to Dutton and NetGalley for the honor of reading this book in exchange for an honest review.

Charlotte hates her job. Instead of being a graphic designer, she's an assistant to a demanding tech journalist you keeps dangling a transfer to the art department over her head. When he is chosen to be the commencement speaker at her alma mater, Charlotte gets roped into going ahead of him and attending her five year reunion. Charlotte made a great group of fellow queer and absent parent having friends in her time at college. She has been terrible at keeping in touch with them because of her demanding and disappointing job. One in particular is Reece, the guy she had a fling with after leaving her abusive ex. Charlotte is forced to re-examine her life and her choices when she's her friends again and decide where she wants to go from here.

This book was such a breath of fresh air. It watered my crops and cleared my acne. It gave me hope when I had none. I'm being a bit dramatic but that is how much I loved this book. I adored seeing a book with so many queer characters. I saw myself in the characters of this book in a way I never have in a book before. Although I thankfully did not have homophobic parents like Charlotte does, I really felt like I understood her.

This book felt very millennial, which I appreciated. The characters' references were my references and the burnout that they experienced is all too common in my generation. I could feel the disappointment in not achieving your dreams yet when everyone around you seems to be doing well. I felt like this book was very much written for me. It takes place in 2018, which takes a second to adjust to, but makes sense for where the characters are in their lives based on their references.

This book handled a lot of difficult topics. These included homophobia, grief, alcoholism, abusive relationships, anxiety/panic disorder, sexual harassment. These were handled so impressively. I felt the character’s panic without ever feeling unsafe. I applaud the author for not shying away from these topics while also giving the book lighter moments. It was an emotional book but I would not call it particularly dark.

I appreciated that the characters communicated with each other, at least eventually. When a character's feelings were hurt, they communicated that so that the other could apologize. Characters were clear in their intentions and interacted like actual people. This does not always happen in books.

I also enjoyed the character of Reece, who felt like a normal, decent guy. There could have been some melodramatic moments in the story if he reacted the wrong way, but he listened and was a rational person.

I don't want to say too much about this book, because I think that it should be read. Overall I’m just so glad that this book exists.

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illtakethenightshiftx's review against another edition

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emotional reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

Thank you to NetGalley and Dutton for providing an e-ARC in exchange for an honest review!

Charlotte Thorne is a burned out, 20something, ‘disaster bi’ who has to go back to college for graduation weekend for work because her boss is the commencement speaker. Commencement also coincides with her 5-year college reunion and some familiar faces pop back into her world.

As a burned out, 20something post-grad who is trying to just survive without completely losing it and myself, I relate to Charlotte on so many levels. Working jobs you don’t love, losing interest in hobbies, losing touch with close friends - it’s all so real. Charlotte also experienced an emotionally abusive and toxic relationship during her college years that is eerily similar to the one I was in during my latter college years. Dawson does paints an incredibly realistic picture of what happens when you slip back into the role you person played during the relationship and how you fall into patterns of abuse in other ways. The conversations Charlotte had with her friends were almost carbon copies of conversations I had with some of my closest people. I don’t think I’ve seen parts of myself represented on a page this closely, ever.

Charlotte’s reflections on her sexuality were extremely thought provoking and gave me a lot to think about on both personal and larger levels.

Reece (out love interest) was sweet (almost too sweet?) and watching them meet each other all over again helped to lighten the underlying heaviness of the narrative.

I had some issues with the pacing and some of the characters didn’t feel fully fleshed out in terms of their relationship to Charlotte given that it was frequently mentioned that they were her best friends. Also, I would’ve loved to see more of Jackie and Charlotte and how their friendship evolved over the years! Jackie rules!!!

I related to Charlotte more than I expected to and I’m so grateful that I was approved for the ARC. Yes, I already preordered a copy to have & hold forever!!!

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emkplatts's review against another edition

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emotional funny hopeful inspiring reflective sad tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.0

I found this to be delightful! I liked the multi-media aspect of the messages throughout the story. I have not read a second chance romance before and this was a good first one to start with. I like how queerness is woven into this story. It's not like a big statement or discourse, just a general thread that runs through the steps and the characters loves naturally.

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