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queerfatloud's review
emotional
funny
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
3.5
*gifted ARC* This was fun! I loved the complexity of these characters and I always love seeing people put the hard work in to remain friends from college to life after. It’s hard and messy. Relationships of all kinds need work and deserve care. I also love that Charlie’s toxic college relationship was taken seriously by her loved ones bc so many times traumatic things when you’re younger are just chalked up to people being “young and stupid.” When in reality that man was a manipulative piece of shit. Charlie’s feelings will resonate with so many people. This book was also beautifully written and highlight-worthy. What brought it down to 3 stars for me was that it felt repetitive. The plot kind of went in a circle and that got a bit boring for me. Overall I recommend this!
sunshine4you's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
funny
hopeful
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
amyreadsstuff's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
funny
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.5
krystalanddogs's review against another edition
4.0
I related a lot to the main character's journey in many ways and loved her friends so much. As someone with a less than stellar family who's found a lot of solace in her friends, it hits home. Also that feeling of personal and career stagnation when it feels like everyone around you is so much smarter and more successful. 😂😂 This may not be for everyone but I liked it. I can't decide if I liked the ending, but mostly it just made me wish for more.
whatkelseysreading's review against another edition
emotional
funny
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
katieneedsabiggerbookshelf's review against another edition
1.0
Sadly this book was not for me. It was too character driven and I just found myself not really caring about the outcome. I got to 80% through and it was a struggle to get myself to pick it up so I dnf'd.
joensign's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.5
Content Warnings
Graphic: Biphobia, Abandonment, Emotional abuse, Panic attacks/disorders, and Homophobia
Moderate: Alcoholism and Toxic relationship
Minor: Vomit
dayquilatnite's review against another edition
adventurous
challenging
dark
funny
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
4.0
*netgalley arc*
"𝑀𝑦 𝑛𝑎𝑚𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝐶ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑙𝑜𝑡𝑡𝑒 𝑇ℎ𝑜𝑟𝑛𝑒, 𝐼 𝑎𝑚 𝑡𝑤𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑦-𝑠𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑛 𝑦𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑜𝑙𝑑. 𝐼 𝑎𝑚 𝑠𝑎𝑓𝑒 ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒."
Where to even begin..... I'm not gonna lie I've been scared of this book since I got approved for it😅 The title already hit home as a promise for potential reflections that I was not quite ready for. If you've been in the pits (sad pits or otherwise known as suffering from depression and or burnout) before, you recognise "but how are you really?" as what some would call a sworn enemy right up there with "how are you doing?" and "are you ok?" among others. Sometimes when you're going through it and trying really hard not to think about it, these are some hard hitting questions that, though they may not look like it, are loose pins on a ticking time bomb.
The beauty of But How Are You, Really starts with the title, the intimacy of it. Ella Dawson through Charlotte Thorne our protagonist is able to portray the ebb and flow of trying to heal and move on from trauma through the lens of hyper independence and self isolation as a coping mechanism. The different shapes it takes and how sometimes that can mean you're a raging asshole😂. What is closest to my heart is the reinforcement that abuse doesn't have to be physical. Non-physical abuse is also abuse and it's valid in its own right.
I am so in love with the kind and gentle way the love interest cares for the MC (and everyone else around them) and im even more obsessed with the queer found family (we all know how i feel about found family 🖤) I'm not gonna lie Jackie's abrasiveness pissed me off alil bit at times but at the end of the day she's a down bitch and I'm down with that.
BHAYR made me feel so much that I can't even begin to articulate 😭 but most importantly it made me feel seen and validated. Ella Dawson really ambushed me and then stole my heart.
"𝑀𝑦 𝑛𝑎𝑚𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝐶ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑙𝑜𝑡𝑡𝑒 𝑇ℎ𝑜𝑟𝑛𝑒, 𝐼 𝑎𝑚 𝑡𝑤𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑦-𝑠𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑛 𝑦𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑜𝑙𝑑. 𝐼 𝑎𝑚 𝑠𝑎𝑓𝑒 ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒."
Where to even begin..... I'm not gonna lie I've been scared of this book since I got approved for it😅 The title already hit home as a promise for potential reflections that I was not quite ready for. If you've been in the pits (sad pits or otherwise known as suffering from depression and or burnout) before, you recognise "but how are you really?" as what some would call a sworn enemy right up there with "how are you doing?" and "are you ok?" among others. Sometimes when you're going through it and trying really hard not to think about it, these are some hard hitting questions that, though they may not look like it, are loose pins on a ticking time bomb.
The beauty of But How Are You, Really starts with the title, the intimacy of it. Ella Dawson through Charlotte Thorne our protagonist is able to portray the ebb and flow of trying to heal and move on from trauma through the lens of hyper independence and self isolation as a coping mechanism. The different shapes it takes and how sometimes that can mean you're a raging asshole😂. What is closest to my heart is the reinforcement that abuse doesn't have to be physical. Non-physical abuse is also abuse and it's valid in its own right.
I am so in love with the kind and gentle way the love interest cares for the MC (and everyone else around them) and im even more obsessed with the queer found family (we all know how i feel about found family 🖤) I'm not gonna lie Jackie's abrasiveness pissed me off alil bit at times but at the end of the day she's a down bitch and I'm down with that.
BHAYR made me feel so much that I can't even begin to articulate 😭 but most importantly it made me feel seen and validated. Ella Dawson really ambushed me and then stole my heart.
bisexualbookshelf's review against another edition
emotional
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.75
Thank you to the publisher for the gifted ARC and final copy!
In her debut novel "But How Are You, Really?", Ella Dawson crafts a poignant and heartfelt narrative that delves deep into the complexities of a queer millennial’s journey toward self-acceptance and healing. The story centers around Charlotte Thorne, a bisexual artist grappling with the harsh realities of adulthood, an abusive past relationship, and the daunting invitation to her five-year college reunion at Hein University.
Charlotte's life is far from what she envisioned. Estranged from her parents and stuck in a dead-end job working for a wealthy egomaniac, she is a portrait of struggle and resilience. Dawson masterfully portrays Charlotte’s internal battle, highlighting her financial insecurities and the constant façade she maintains to appear "fine." This struggle is beautifully encapsulated in Charlotte’s introspective moments, such as when she reflects on her dissociation and isolation: “How long had it been since she felt present in her own life, alert and exposed and wanting?”
One of the most powerful aspects of the novel is Charlotte’s intricate relationship with her ex-boyfriend Ben. Through their history, Dawson provides a stark depiction of intimate partner abuse, detailing the manipulative tactics like love bombing that Ben employed. Charlotte’s learned self-isolation from this toxic relationship serves as a powerful commentary on the long-lasting impact of abuse. Yet, this novel is not defined by Charlotte’s trauma but rather by her journey towards healing.
Reece, the endearing "one that got away," emerges as a beacon of hope and potential for rekindled romance. His character, a sexy golden retriever love interest, brings an element of warmth and sobriety to the story. His journey through alcohol abuse recovery adds a layer of depth and representation to the narrative, illustrating that recovery and love can coexist. The delicious tension and unresolved feelings between Charlotte and Reece provide a hopeful contrast to her painful past.
Central to Charlotte’s healing process is her queer chosen family. The support group they form for those with dead or disappointing parents, known as the 3Ds, becomes a source of strength and community care for Charlotte. Dawson’s depiction of this chosen family is tender and authentic, emphasizing the importance of found family in the queer experience: "Her friends helped her see that there was nothing weak about her grief, her resentment, or her fear," a line that beautifully underscores the novel’s theme of communal healing.
Dawson’s prose is both lyrical and evocative, yet remains grounded and accessible. She captures the raw emotions and inner turmoil of her characters with precision, making Charlotte’s experiences deeply relatable. The queer empowerment themes and class consciousness woven into the narrative add a rich layer of social commentary, making the story not only personal but also relevant to broader social issues.
"But How Are You, Really?" stands out as a queer millennial coming-of-age story that resonates deeply with its audience. Charlotte is a character who embodies the anxious, introspective, and ultimately resilient spirit of many young queer people today. Her journey from isolation to embracing community and self-love is both inspiring and empowering.
Ella Dawson has given us a novel that feels like a conversation with a close friend, one that leaves you feeling seen, hugged, and understood. For fans of Haley Jakobson’s "Old Enough" and all the "shy until you get to know them" bisexuals, this book is a must-read. It is a testament to the power of community, the courage to confront one’s past, and the hope for a brighter, more authentic future. Thank you, Ella, for this unforgettable story—I will be thinking about it for a long time.
📖 Recommended For: Enthusiasts of Queer Coming-of-Age Stories, Readers Interested in Themes of Healing from Trauma, Admirers of Character-Driven Narratives with Class-Consciousness, Fans of Haley Jakobson’s "Old Enough" and Queer Chosen Families Books.
🔑 Key Themes: Recovery from Intimate Partner Abuse, Class Consciousness and Financial Insecurity, Queer Identity and Bisexual Representation, Community Care and Self-Acceptance, The Journey Towards Healing From Trauma.
In her debut novel "But How Are You, Really?", Ella Dawson crafts a poignant and heartfelt narrative that delves deep into the complexities of a queer millennial’s journey toward self-acceptance and healing. The story centers around Charlotte Thorne, a bisexual artist grappling with the harsh realities of adulthood, an abusive past relationship, and the daunting invitation to her five-year college reunion at Hein University.
Charlotte's life is far from what she envisioned. Estranged from her parents and stuck in a dead-end job working for a wealthy egomaniac, she is a portrait of struggle and resilience. Dawson masterfully portrays Charlotte’s internal battle, highlighting her financial insecurities and the constant façade she maintains to appear "fine." This struggle is beautifully encapsulated in Charlotte’s introspective moments, such as when she reflects on her dissociation and isolation: “How long had it been since she felt present in her own life, alert and exposed and wanting?”
One of the most powerful aspects of the novel is Charlotte’s intricate relationship with her ex-boyfriend Ben. Through their history, Dawson provides a stark depiction of intimate partner abuse, detailing the manipulative tactics like love bombing that Ben employed. Charlotte’s learned self-isolation from this toxic relationship serves as a powerful commentary on the long-lasting impact of abuse. Yet, this novel is not defined by Charlotte’s trauma but rather by her journey towards healing.
Reece, the endearing "one that got away," emerges as a beacon of hope and potential for rekindled romance. His character, a sexy golden retriever love interest, brings an element of warmth and sobriety to the story. His journey through alcohol abuse recovery adds a layer of depth and representation to the narrative, illustrating that recovery and love can coexist. The delicious tension and unresolved feelings between Charlotte and Reece provide a hopeful contrast to her painful past.
Central to Charlotte’s healing process is her queer chosen family. The support group they form for those with dead or disappointing parents, known as the 3Ds, becomes a source of strength and community care for Charlotte. Dawson’s depiction of this chosen family is tender and authentic, emphasizing the importance of found family in the queer experience: "Her friends helped her see that there was nothing weak about her grief, her resentment, or her fear," a line that beautifully underscores the novel’s theme of communal healing.
Dawson’s prose is both lyrical and evocative, yet remains grounded and accessible. She captures the raw emotions and inner turmoil of her characters with precision, making Charlotte’s experiences deeply relatable. The queer empowerment themes and class consciousness woven into the narrative add a rich layer of social commentary, making the story not only personal but also relevant to broader social issues.
"But How Are You, Really?" stands out as a queer millennial coming-of-age story that resonates deeply with its audience. Charlotte is a character who embodies the anxious, introspective, and ultimately resilient spirit of many young queer people today. Her journey from isolation to embracing community and self-love is both inspiring and empowering.
Ella Dawson has given us a novel that feels like a conversation with a close friend, one that leaves you feeling seen, hugged, and understood. For fans of Haley Jakobson’s "Old Enough" and all the "shy until you get to know them" bisexuals, this book is a must-read. It is a testament to the power of community, the courage to confront one’s past, and the hope for a brighter, more authentic future. Thank you, Ella, for this unforgettable story—I will be thinking about it for a long time.
📖 Recommended For: Enthusiasts of Queer Coming-of-Age Stories, Readers Interested in Themes of Healing from Trauma, Admirers of Character-Driven Narratives with Class-Consciousness, Fans of Haley Jakobson’s "Old Enough" and Queer Chosen Families Books.
🔑 Key Themes: Recovery from Intimate Partner Abuse, Class Consciousness and Financial Insecurity, Queer Identity and Bisexual Representation, Community Care and Self-Acceptance, The Journey Towards Healing From Trauma.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual content
Minor: Alcohol, Suicidal thoughts, Death of parent, Abandonment, Alcoholism, Mental illness, Domestic abuse, and Homophobia