Reviews with content warning for Panic attacks/disorders - The Death I Gave Him

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Reviews tagging 'Panic attacks/disorders'

The Death I Gave Him by Em X. Liu

6 reviews

flavoredfaeman's review against another edition

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dark emotional mysterious sad tense slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? N/A
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

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bookcheshirecat's review against another edition

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challenging dark mysterious medium-paced

4.0

"Do you want to live because you want to live, or because you’re afraid to die?"

➽ I was intrigued by The Death I Gave Him from the time it was announced! It was pitched as a queer sci-fi Hamlet retelling and while I've never read Hamlet, I still enjoyed this one! The story follows Hayden, who finds his father murdered in their lab and is terrified that their research of the Sisyphus formula (a way to live forever) was compromised. With the lab on lockdown, tensions rise between the remaining employees of Elsinore Labs: Hayden's ex Felicia and her father, Hayden's uncle, a research intern and the AI system Horatio. I loved the setup and the oppressive atmosphere of the story. I didn't realize this would be told in a mixed-media format, so I was pleasantly surprised! Even better: the whole book is constructed as a research paper from an unknown author who is piecing together the incident at Elsinore Labs and how the tragedy that night could have happened. The story includes snippets from Felicia's paper about her experience, text messages, transcribed video footage and footnotes from the author about context information. Horatio and Hayden's POVs are pieced together from the neurological implant that connected them the entire night! I loved the structure and execution of this idea, it definitely made the book stand out!

➽ I was engrossed in this story of mortality, ethics and the price of living forever. I liked the writing because it was vivid but easy to read, so I flew through this book. This isn't the most action-packed book, but the tension between the characters and the sense of foreboding was so good. Everyone is locked in together and they know one of them is the murderer of Graham Lichfield. Hayden is a complicated, flawed character who struggles with his own mortality, mental health and the need to protect his research. There's still some bad blood between him and his ex Felicia that keeps coming up in the tense situation. Their past is still haunting them and Felicia reflects on why she broke up with him. Their interactions, grief and lingering fondness despite everything was so well-written. Felicia isn't always likeable, but her character is so intriguing. I liked that she got to tell her own story and all the complicated, angry feelings that come with what happened.

➽ The story is definitely intense, as things quickly go sideways. Hayden is already struggling with the grief of losing his father, but generally, he's also unstable and struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts. There aren't any big twists in the murder mystery, but the raw feelings and desires of the characters make up for it! Hayden's relationship with the resident AI Horatio was the main selling point of the book for me. Horatio experiences Hayden's emotions through the neurological implant, so their bond becomes closer than ever before. The AI seems to be the only one Hayden can truly trust to have his back. I have to admit I was a bit disappointed that their dynamic took a backseat and therefore wasn't as prominent at times. Things become a bit more explicitly romantic between them in the very end, but I was honestly expecting a bigger AI romance! There was a lot of untapped potential with Horatio's identity as an AI and exactly how he came to be.

➽ In the end, for a book that was pitched as a queer retelling, it barely has an explicit on-page queer representation. Hayden and Horatio's homoerotic tension blooms into romance only in the very end and Hayden's orientation is never mentioned on page. I wouldn't have minded this if the book hadn't used the representation in the pitch/synopsis. I'm just worried others will go into the book expecting explicit representation and end up disappointed.

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