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heidihaverkamp's review
4.0
Great book about spiritual direction, especially in groups. Read as part of my certification program at the Claret Center, Chicago.
anitaashland's review
4.0
He had me at, "No fixing, no saving, no advising, no setting each other straight," which is the main rule of the "circles of trust" he describes. Most conversation at family gatherings, church coffee hours, break and conference rooms at work, etc. tends to be of the fixing/advising/persuasion variety, with plenty of complexes tossed into the mix. Palmer gives insight into how to instead speak one's truth and engage in "deep speaks to deep" type of listening.
I appreciated his reminder that most of the questions we ask other people are not really questions but advice in disguise (i.e. "Have you thought of seeing a doctor/quitting your job/changing schools?").
Best of all is his insight that the desire to "help" another person is instead often a way to dismiss them: "How can we understand another when instead of listening deeply, we rush to repair that person in order to escape further involvement? The sense of isolation and invisibility that marks so many lives - not least the lives of young people, whom we constantly try to fix - is due in part to a mode of "helping" that allows us to dismiss each other."
Even though much of what he says in the book is specific to circles of trust, and most of us won't ever have the opportunity to attend one of those (although I'll be keeping an eye out for one now), it's easy enough to see how one can apply these principles to everyday situations.
I appreciated his reminder that most of the questions we ask other people are not really questions but advice in disguise (i.e. "Have you thought of seeing a doctor/quitting your job/changing schools?").
Best of all is his insight that the desire to "help" another person is instead often a way to dismiss them: "How can we understand another when instead of listening deeply, we rush to repair that person in order to escape further involvement? The sense of isolation and invisibility that marks so many lives - not least the lives of young people, whom we constantly try to fix - is due in part to a mode of "helping" that allows us to dismiss each other."
Even though much of what he says in the book is specific to circles of trust, and most of us won't ever have the opportunity to attend one of those (although I'll be keeping an eye out for one now), it's easy enough to see how one can apply these principles to everyday situations.
arnith87's review
2.0
The book read to me as if it is designed for someone wishing to learn to facilitate a type of group meeting. While the information is useful for this activity and the overall message positive, I was hoping for more of a "how can I do these things for myself and within everyday relationships" book than "how to be a "Circle of Trust" meeting facilitator" and didn't find it to offer anything particularly accessible or novel about the everyday. I did appreciate the description and introduction in relation to Quaker clearness committees, though.
jenwestpfahl's review against another edition
informative
inspiring
fast-paced
5.0
I’d give it more stars if I can. A must read for anyone in a position to hold space for others’ truth/souls.
crosenfrisk's review
5.0
Wow, I paused and sighed so many times while reading this book. Palmer quotes Mary Oliver, C.S. Lewis, and Douglas Wood, among others, bringing attention to our souls and how as adults in our society we have learned to separate our inner and outer selves. Palmer suggests that we can hold space for each other, invite deeper listening, generating compassion and healing for ourselves and our world.
jbmorgan86's review
3.0
I'm always torn when I read Parker Palmer. Is he a hippie turned self-help guru who is banking on a few simple ideas or is a writer who plumbs the depths of the human soul? Obviously, I tend to fall in the latter camp or I wouldn't keep reading his books, essays, and articles. However, part of me is still skeptical.
If you've read Palmer before or heard him in a Ted Talk or on an episode of OnBeing, you are familiar with his ideas: showing up as your whole self, life on the Möbius strip, "circles of trust," Quaker ideals, hints of Buddhism. This book lays out all of those basic principles (though, particularly it focuses on the circles of trust).
I find Palmer's transparency and vulnerability refreshing. I also appreciate his wide knowledge of poetry and ability to adapt it to so many topics throughout the book.
If you've read Palmer before or heard him in a Ted Talk or on an episode of OnBeing, you are familiar with his ideas: showing up as your whole self, life on the Möbius strip, "circles of trust," Quaker ideals, hints of Buddhism. This book lays out all of those basic principles (though, particularly it focuses on the circles of trust).
I find Palmer's transparency and vulnerability refreshing. I also appreciate his wide knowledge of poetry and ability to adapt it to so many topics throughout the book.