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parasolcrafter's review
dark
emotional
mysterious
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
0.5
oh, this book was an ENTIRE mess. it was like a D-list indie horror movie as a novel in the worst possible way. oh my god.
the set-up is fairly standard and boring - a group of teenagers getting locked up inside a mansion with a crazed killer is hardly the most unique or interesting preface - which failed on every level of making it a good read.
first off: the characters are some of the most annoying, privileged brats you could ever meet, which is quite unfortunately the point of their characters. they are - with few exceptions - wholly unlikable; the scant few i liked were only the least annoying of the bunch, and the last remaining are characters we hardly met before they died so i dont have much of an opinion on them. everyone was also very, VERY one dimensional.
second: the killer, gage the clown. he was like an unholy mix of a demonic mary poppins (where did he continue to pull murder weapons from???) and a kind of god, capable of being everywhere and nowhere all at once. even with the 'twist' (i use that as lightly as possible as it was the most obvious part of the book) it didnt make his character make sense. like a killer clown is standard enough for bottom-of-the-barrel horror like this, but for him to be as omnipresent as he was is just ridiculous. the beginning and first few kills werent that far fetched - slicing and stabbing and using garden tools are all boring and predictable but make sense - but after that it just gets downright silly. like, how did he get a miniature horse into the house? how did he possibly have hundreds of mice at his disposal? he also somehow had bear traps? none of the later kills made any sense and truly took me out of the book; it was comical, and i know it wasnt meant to be. the neighbours death was also strange; he just had a bomb he could manage to somehow wire through the doorbell that would explode under her? sure. why the fuck not. not to mention the biometric padlocks he uses to close the doors...oh my god. things really were written to just be as absurd as possible with no real rhyme or reason: it was ridiculous to be ridiculous, not to be interesting.
third: the story, or lack thereof. i truly understand what the author was trying to get across, but my god did it fail. the main character, noelle, is one of the most useless protagonists in a horror book ive ever experienced. for someone who CONSTANTLY mentions how shes the ultimate 'Final Girl' she constantly fails at every turn (also, if you constantly need to say how good of a final girl you are, youre NOT as good as you are). like i understand she must be panicked and stressed beyond belief in this situation, but she fumbles so many situations in the end its pathetic. the end bit was especially bad, when she leaves a knife on the bookcase NEAR THE CLOWN??? at that point i mentally checked out and sped through the book as fast as i could; it was so, so horrible. the 'plot' was shoehorned so forcefully into the story that it was clear the author just had things she needed to say and she didnt care about working it into the story craftfully. i agree that the horror genre especially needs more diversity in its leads and a Black female lead was something i was really interested in reading, but this book failed on every front. its not a worthwhile addition to the genre it tried so hardly to emulate. its hardly horror - the mishandling of EVERYTHING by the characters is more stupidity than scary and the clown was, as i stated previously, ridiculous - and even its slasher elements are just shoddily written gore with a thin veil of a 'got'cha!' over it. noelle only stays alive because the author kept her alive, not because she did anything in the story to protect herself.
fourth: this story falls into the predicament of 'im not the killer, im BETTER than that trope'. like...please. by the end of the book, gage has killed nearly everyone in the house; it wouldnt be murder if anyone killed him, it would be self-defense. besides this:NOELLE ENDS UP KILLING HIM ANYWAYS. there were multiple options to have killed gage throughout the book (the one that sticks out is when they use his thumbprints on the locks to try and get out; they had a knife. it would have been SO EASY to kill him then and get out.) and they just...dont? like the alternative is that YOU die!
fifth: the killers reasoning is absolute and utter bullshit that holds no water. you mean to tell me he did all that because theyre rich and privileged??? it just seems as though the author couldnt get a good enough reason for this whole mess and picked the easiest one she could.
another thing: the motivation to not leave because it's 'raining and cold and they cold get hypothermia :(((' is just so flimsy of a reason. they were literally IN A MANSION. raid some closets, put on as many layers as you can handle, and leave. there is absolutely NO possible way the house was as locked down as it ended up being in the beginning; as is evidenced by the fact that they ended up outside more than once. it would have been hard, yes, but not impossible.
last nitpick: why were charlie and maddie introduced as dating, then later in the book only referred to as friends? i realize thats something thats very small in comparison to the rest of the story, but it baffled me. why isnt that something that was kept straight???
overall, dont waste your time on this book. its not worth it, at ALL.
the set-up is fairly standard and boring - a group of teenagers getting locked up inside a mansion with a crazed killer is hardly the most unique or interesting preface - which failed on every level of making it a good read.
first off: the characters are some of the most annoying, privileged brats you could ever meet, which is quite unfortunately the point of their characters. they are - with few exceptions - wholly unlikable; the scant few i liked were only the least annoying of the bunch, and the last remaining are characters we hardly met before they died so i dont have much of an opinion on them. everyone was also very, VERY one dimensional.
second: the killer, gage the clown. he was like an unholy mix of a demonic mary poppins (where did he continue to pull murder weapons from???) and a kind of god, capable of being everywhere and nowhere all at once. even with the 'twist' (i use that as lightly as possible as it was the most obvious part of the book) it didnt make his character make sense. like a killer clown is standard enough for bottom-of-the-barrel horror like this, but for him to be as omnipresent as he was is just ridiculous. the beginning and first few kills werent that far fetched - slicing and stabbing and using garden tools are all boring and predictable but make sense - but after that it just gets downright silly. like, how did he get a miniature horse into the house? how did he possibly have hundreds of mice at his disposal? he also somehow had bear traps? none of the later kills made any sense and truly took me out of the book; it was comical, and i know it wasnt meant to be. the neighbours death was also strange; he just had a bomb he could manage to somehow wire through the doorbell that would explode under her? sure. why the fuck not. not to mention the biometric padlocks he uses to close the doors...oh my god. things really were written to just be as absurd as possible with no real rhyme or reason: it was ridiculous to be ridiculous, not to be interesting.
third: the story, or lack thereof. i truly understand what the author was trying to get across, but my god did it fail. the main character, noelle, is one of the most useless protagonists in a horror book ive ever experienced. for someone who CONSTANTLY mentions how shes the ultimate 'Final Girl' she constantly fails at every turn (also, if you constantly need to say how good of a final girl you are, youre NOT as good as you are). like i understand she must be panicked and stressed beyond belief in this situation, but she fumbles so many situations in the end its pathetic. the end bit was especially bad, when she leaves a knife on the bookcase NEAR THE CLOWN??? at that point i mentally checked out and sped through the book as fast as i could; it was so, so horrible. the 'plot' was shoehorned so forcefully into the story that it was clear the author just had things she needed to say and she didnt care about working it into the story craftfully. i agree that the horror genre especially needs more diversity in its leads and a Black female lead was something i was really interested in reading, but this book failed on every front. its not a worthwhile addition to the genre it tried so hardly to emulate. its hardly horror - the mishandling of EVERYTHING by the characters is more stupidity than scary and the clown was, as i stated previously, ridiculous - and even its slasher elements are just shoddily written gore with a thin veil of a 'got'cha!' over it. noelle only stays alive because the author kept her alive, not because she did anything in the story to protect herself.
fourth: this story falls into the predicament of 'im not the killer, im BETTER than that trope'. like...please. by the end of the book, gage has killed nearly everyone in the house; it wouldnt be murder if anyone killed him, it would be self-defense. besides this:
fifth: the killers reasoning is absolute and utter bullshit that holds no water. you mean to tell me he did all that because theyre rich and privileged??? it just seems as though the author couldnt get a good enough reason for this whole mess and picked the easiest one she could.
another thing: the motivation to not leave because it's 'raining and cold and they cold get hypothermia :(((' is just so flimsy of a reason. they were literally IN A MANSION. raid some closets, put on as many layers as you can handle, and leave. there is absolutely NO possible way the house was as locked down as it ended up being in the beginning; as is evidenced by the fact that they ended up outside more than once. it would have been hard, yes, but not impossible.
last nitpick: why were charlie and maddie introduced as dating, then later in the book only referred to as friends? i realize thats something thats very small in comparison to the rest of the story, but it baffled me. why isnt that something that was kept straight???
overall, dont waste your time on this book. its not worth it, at ALL.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Body horror, Child death, Confinement, Cursing, Death, Gore, Physical abuse, Racism, Torture, Violence, Blood, Excrement, Grief, Stalking, Murder, Fire/Fire injury, Injury/Injury detail, and Classism
Moderate: Drug use
Minor: Animal cruelty and Animal death
vixenreader's review
dark
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.0
It’s a slog to get through for the middle section and there have been better movies that have done this lot. Still, there’s a lot of small perks, such as the leading lady, the horror movie trivia, and some commentary on wealth and shame.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Body horror, Child death, Cursing, Death, Gore, Miscarriage, Racism, Violence, Blood, Excrement, Medical trauma, Car accident, Murder, Fire/Fire injury, Toxic friendship, Injury/Injury detail, and Classism
Moderate: Bullying, Mental illness, Misogyny, Sexism, Vomit, Medical content, Kidnapping, and Toxic friendship
Minor: Animal cruelty, Toxic relationship, Fire/Fire injury, and Cultural appropriation
Be aware that there is violence with knives and other household items, bribery, financial stress, and homemade bombs.magsuexoxo's review
adventurous
dark
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
3.75
Content Warnings
Minor: Cursing, Drug use, and Gore
caseythereader's review against another edition
dark
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.25
Content Warnings
Graphic: Confinement, Cursing, Death, Gore, Violence, Blood, Excrement, Murder, Alcohol, Injury/Injury detail, and Classism
Minor: Racism
browneyesblue84's review
dark
tense
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.5
There’s No Way I’d Die First by Lisa Springer was not what I expected it to be. You can’t judge a book by its cover but I did. One thing is clear , the story pays homage to horror movies with the main character being a fan of the genre. A few things that I liked about the novel are the fact that the lead character Noelle is a trust fund baby. There are very few young black female literary characters that come from money. Not to mention the fact that her backstory was not tragic. I liked the other characters even the antagonist. The choice to have this story take place on Halloween was a good idea. The killer’s motivation was not what I thought it would be. Also, that plot twist was good. My guess was wrong and I am okay with that.
The only thing that I did not like about the novel was the ending. Even though it was the most realistic ending in my opinion. I wanted that final scene to continue for a few more pages. Other than that this novel was easy to read and the pacing was fast. It felt like I was watching a slasher movie in a good way. I am rating this novel four stars out of five.
The only thing that I did not like about the novel was the ending. Even though it was the most realistic ending in my opinion. I wanted that final scene to continue for a few more pages. Other than that this novel was easy to read and the pacing was fast. It felt like I was watching a slasher movie in a good way. I am rating this novel four stars out of five.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Violence and Murder
Moderate: Death and Blood
Minor: Cursing, Drug use, Stalking, Toxic friendship, and Alcohol
achay91's review against another edition
dark
sad
tense
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Cursing, Death, Torture, Blood, Murder, and Toxic friendship
Moderate: Toxic relationship
Minor: Suicide attempt
adiajamille's review against another edition
adventurous
dark
mysterious
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
4.0
It was pretty good. Maybe a bit too long. I was less than halfway and I was wondering how much more there’d be to tell. It also felt very basic and didn’t stray too much from traditional horror tropes. So it was solid in achieving the expected. And it was engaging enough that I wanted to finish. There was something off that I can’t put my finger on though. Maybe the weird identification of expensive items throughout. Maybe the teens felt too basic. I don’t know. It was good. But not great. And better than just ok.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Body horror, Cursing, Death, Gore, Torture, Violence, Blood, Grief, Murder, Alcohol, Injury/Injury detail, and Classism
applejacksbooks's review
dark
tense
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.75
HOLY SHIT, almost immediately this book starts out with the essence of an 80-90's slasher movie and I absolutely loved it. The only reason it took me two sessions to sit and read it is because work got in the way. Highly recommend it to those who love books like #Murdertrending and other stories that try to honor 80's horor.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Body horror, Cursing, Death, Gore, Torture, Violence, Blood, Excrement, Murder, Fire/Fire injury, Alcohol, Injury/Injury detail, and Classism
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