Reviews with content warning for Suicide - My Policeman

I wanted to read this book due to the upcoming film and as a Harry Styles fan, I wanted to get ahead and read the book before watching the film. I hate to say this, and it always kills me, I hope and pray that the film is better because this book was rough.

From the moment Marion first lay eyes on Tom – her best friend’s big brother, broad, blond, blue-eyed – she is smitten. And when he comes home from the National Service to be a policeman, Marion who is a newly qualified teacher is determined to win him. Unable to acknowledge the signs that something is amiss, she plunges into this marriage, sure that her love is enough for both of them. But Tom has another life, another equally overpowering claim on his affections. Patrick who is a curator at the Brighton Museum, is also besotted with his policeman, and opens Tom’s eyes to a world previously unknown to him. But in an age when those of “minority status” were condemned by society and the law, it is safer for this policeman to marry his childhood friend. The two lovers must share him, until one of them breaks and three lives are destroyed. This book is set in 1950s in Brighton.

This book was tough. I was expecting it to be a gay love story from either Patrick’s and Tom’s point of view. Having half of the book in Marion’s point of view, wasn’t expected and dragged. I was wanting more for forbidden love story that just sort of never happen. I feel like there was too many gaps in this book. One minute Marion and Tom are children, then teenagers, then old, but then not old again. It all got very confusing. I struggled to get into this book and fell like it was one big rant. I would have loved to maybe have a few chapters from the “minor” characters like Sylvie and Michael and to hear what they thought. I would have loved some chapters from Tom’s point of view and seeing how he felt, we only know how we think he felt from Marion and Patrick’s point of view. Marion was horrible, horrible woman. She knew what she was signing up for and expected Tom to change who he was for her.

Overall, this book is not a love story or a forbidden romance. It is a brutal and a difficult read especially from what happened to Patrick whilst he was trying to live his true life. I hope to God for once they change the ending of in this book in the movie adaptation.

Content Warnings

james1star's review against another edition

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challenging emotional reflective sad tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

Currently a 4.5 ⭐️ but this could quite easily change.

My thoughts are kinda all over the place with this book. But one thing I am certain of is ‘this is a tragedy. One of the best.’ (This is a quote from my favourite part of the book and it perfectly sums up the story of Tom Burgess, this story)

My Policeman was my most anticipated read of the year after finding out about the book and story when I first got into reading around February/March. The plot, setting and characters really intrigued me and I felt I just needed this book in my brain and life. And in all honesty I don’t think it lived up to the hype I put upon it - this is my own fault but still like it did kinda underdeliver - but it was still good just not great.

The basic plot is: Marion (Tom (the policeman)’s wife) is writing an account of the past to Patrick (Tom’s gay lover) in 1999 after he came to stay following a series of strokes. She thinks back to how she met Tom, her teenageish years, teacher training, marriage, and just like other stuff. Another POV portrayed is from Patrick with his journal/diary entries from that time of how he met ‘My [his] Policeman’, their relationship and also his backstory/personal life and then a bit later. It’s essentially a love triangle with both Marion and Patrick expressing their admiration and love for Tom and how this set up was doomed to fail. There is a lot more with other characters and plot lines and things but I don’t want to spoil anything.

My main issue I found is how Marion, in her sixties, is able to think back forty-ish years ago and portray so much detail in her recollections. I just think like how? Yes it’s not like daily journal entries like Patrick’s POV and it is interjected with (then) present day accounts of what’s happening in her life, but I don’t think someone merely thinking back could pen that level of detail about another person’s lipstick or thoughts and stuff. I don’t know it just didn’t add up fully in my head.

What I loved most was the setting and how realised it was. Brighton is an area I do know a bit about but would like to visit and explore more. The city and surrounding areas really does come to life and the descriptions of places, people and scenarios is written really well. There are many nice, hopeful, sweet and heartwarming parts of the book but oh my A LOT of heartache and sadness. It’s a very difficult and heavy read I found but also captivating and makes you read on.

The characters. It’s difficult to gather together my thoughts. They are all nuanced. Ugh I don’t know!! Marion - she is a nice person who was caught up in a ‘bad’ situation because of the society and laws of the time. Things having been different, I feel she’d of been upset to have lost Tom but accepted him. She did a very unforgivable thing which filled me with rage (especially the child part!!! Omfg nope, no way bitch - sorry I’m passionate) but she was hurting bad. I am confusion. Patrick - I did like him and I most definitely preferred reading his parts, I just was more empathetic to him and I felt very touched and saddened by certain things he went through (especially with Michael - my heart = shatters) and I felt he was a very kind and giving person. Tom - oh hun. Wrong time to be alive - well wrong attitudes and laws - because it ruined his life and those he loved too. I don’t know honestly, I want to love him but also certain things just ughhhh but then like he couldn’t have acted differently… I… ummm. Brain not functioning right now. Julie - I loved you girl. Awgh of my favourite parts of the book was with you and Marion in the part bit where you confessed something. But also you did kinda sow a couple seeds which lead to things. But like they’d of came abound anyway in all honesty but still. Sylvie - you did some things that were kinda (well were) deceitful and wrong. And what you said about Tom to Marion ugh maybe you should have been a bit more persistent… told her straight like you did after the thing? There are more characters but I want to end on my favourite of the bunch… Patrick’s mum - I love you. I needed more more you. You were just agh my heart. Your attitude was it. Yes mam.

I do feel I have a lot more to say about this book, like I could have a massive mind blurt and roll on and on. I also have questions and needed more but also like quite a few parts of the book I was thinking this is a little needless, I don’t really care that much. But also like it was good. I don’t know l. My thoughts are honestly all over the place and it’s been very difficult trying to compose them. This leads to my rating. I so so badly wanted this to be a full on 5 ⭐️but I don’t know… with some parts it is undoubtedly so but others are closer to 3. In general I think I would give it a 4-ish maybe. I don’t know!! I’m so confused but also like I do need to factor the time period and everything and just like yhhh. I think I’ll give it a 4.5 ⭐️ rating overall. But this is likely to change. I do know one thing for sure: I need to give this book a reread.

Final point: I did watch the film right after finishing the book and it was good. I liked the scenery and characters and stuff. I would say the book was better and there were (obviously) changes made with quite a lot of the book being left out. This included my favourite scene of Patrick in prison shortly after Marion’s visit just the whole thing gripped me. So Yhh good not great, sad but nice and would like to watch it again.

Content Warnings

steffan_tastic's review against another edition

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challenging emotional sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? No
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

Content Warnings

crl_reads's review against another edition

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emotional hopeful sad medium-paced

4.5

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binreads's review against another edition

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emotional hopeful sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.25

Let me preface this by saying, I did pick this book up so I could read before the movie came out because of my boy Harry.

This book is complicated for me, with characters who are extremely complicated. It's a very sad and tragic story. It's hard for me to completely like or dislike any of them. They all have their strengths and huge flaws. I finished the book and thought "...that's it? that's how it ends?"

I hurt for both Marion and Patrick. I actually really disliked Tom. For using Marion, who is seemingly was so blinded by love she would do anything for Tom, even when he didn't deserve it. And for not allowing himself to be true to himself, and be fully with Patrick.

I almost wonder if that's the exact reason he chose to marry her. He knew she was in love with him. Maybe he always knew, sensing her infatuation in their younger years. It wasn't fair to anyone involved. He loved Marion platonically but he should've at least tried to show he cared for her. He must've to some extent if he married her? Cut to the part where he finds out Patrick has been arrested and he has the nerve to break down to her. He never had the courage to tell her his true feelings, and yet I guess he suspected she knew? I hate how he gaslit her anytime she stuck up for herself. It was so infuriating. He was way too concerned with the proper way of doing things, his job and reputation and not the people in his life.

I think they were all pretty selfish in different ways. Patrick, for being the 3rd wheel in their marriage, full well knowing here's a woman who genuinely loves her husband and here you are having a secret relationship. Marion, for not leaving Tom and allowing herself to move on - instead writing the dreaded letter that ruins everything and hurts everyone. That was unforgivable. I'll never understand why she couldn't work it out with Tom or just leave him. And Tom, for unfortunately using both people for his own needs.

Heck! Tom should've married Julia then it could've been a Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo kinda situation. An understanding between them all to love whom they wanted in private. I sensed she was also queer and even rooted for Marion to have feelings for her.

I am really excited for the movie because I think it will portray Tom and Patrick's relationship better on screen. That's the one thing that confused me is I didn't expect this to be so much of Marion. I wish we got to see more from Patrick.

Content Warnings

msennflinn's review against another edition

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challenging emotional reflective tense slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

2.0

I don't know how to feel about this one, but it's not a good feeling. I knew going into it that this book was not written from a queer perspective, as in the author is a cisgender, straight woman. I went for it anyway, to see what all the hullabaloo was about. While the writing is done well, the actual story sucks. A cis, straight woman writing a tragedy about two queer men and one horrible, awful woman does not stand the test of time. Plenty of other people on here have said it better, but the lack of an OWN voice is on full display in this book. I fear that many people are flocking to this book ten years after its publishing date (and I suppose because it wasn't on US shelves until 2021) because of the movie, starring Harry Styles. While I can appreciate people finding and reading a book after it's been optioned for or made into a movie, the high marks people are giving this one is shocking.

Non-queer authors: please stop writing about queer characters in this way. Better yet, leave it to LGBTQ+ folks to tell these stories.

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literallyliterature's review against another edition

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emotional reflective sad tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

Content Warnings

lhodgson26's review against another edition

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emotional reflective sad slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

3.0

This was a truly heartbreaking story which is crazy to think that it was only set a few decades ago. As it really shouldn't matter who you love and you definitely shouldn't be subjected to imprisonment for it both in the marriage and the physical sense. Told mostly from Marion's viewpoint in a memoir perspective we also see it from Patrick's perspective too. I think it would have been good to see it from Tom's viewpoint and I wish we learned more about what happened after Patrick was sent to prison and all the years that had passed. Its difficult not to feel for Marion who went into a marriage under false pretences even after Sylvia had to try warn her off. However, what she did was unforgivable as she must have considered all the consequences before sending the letter. Even though Tom was in an impossible situation by not being with the one he loved he should have at least been honest to Marion. I also want to know more about what happened between Patrick and his previous partner. For me there was just too much which was missed from the book and questions left unanswered to give it a 4 star.

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