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dylan2219's review against another edition
adventurous
challenging
emotional
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
I mostly enjoyed this book, and I think because it is imperfect. I also respect it a lot, not only for its boldness and intimacy, but because I think Maggie Nelson is willing to be messy, contradictory, and occasionally wrong in ways that writers are often afraid of. This book is essentially a long meditation on various interlocking themes, always personal, but equally tied to big-picture concerns like sexuality, gender, language, love that writers always try to nail the final word on. Nelson never does, she knows she can’t, so she instead invites us to watch her try her best. That means some parts of the book are bizarre, far-fetched, obscure, cringeworthy, or wrong. But there are moments of brilliance and beauty, and I think these require the mistakes, I never wanted them edited out. I read this book quickly, and thus there’s a lot in it that I can’t really unpack and some things that I personally don’t think I know enough to comment on. I learnt a lot, though, and I think this is best read quickly and fluidly – to take “the pleasure of abiding” as Nelson puts it – rather than trying hard to work through Nelson’s thoughts given that they are often scattershot, instinctual, repetitive, and subject matter shifts sometimes within a paragraph. If this book has a form, it’s a tangent, or a series of tangents that are networked together by ideas, feelings, or sometimes just the sound or texture of the words. This builds, however, to a really stunning conclusion, where Nelson smartly hones in on two life-defining moments for herself and her partner, and crystallises her concerns imperfectly – she admits as much – but with emotional heft and clarity.
Two things I took away particularly:
Two things I took away particularly:
- This book deals with subjects and experiences many people – myself included – aren’t really connected to personally (at least not yet) and its very intellectually dense, but I never felt that Nelson was talking down to her reader, instead she’s insanely empathetic and intimate, and she doesn’t wave her (genuinely) “radical” behaviour as something unattainable or fashionable. She gives the impression of almost falling into things by accident, as a consequence of following her instincts and desires, and that makes the book so much more accessible, fun(ny), and meaningful
- Given that this is lots of personal anecdotes and stories, and that Nelson tries to tie them to bigger ideas, this can come across as self-indulgent to some, the classic mistake of thinking your own experiences are the experience of everyone. But Nelson isn’t afraid to show herself as occasionally ignorant, solipsistic, or narcissistic in her feelings and ideas. For her, this is part of the messy process of trying to understand things that are new to you, you make mistakes. By including these elements I felt instead that she was capturing a rare kind of self-effacement, the inherent difficulty in trying to relate one’s personal life and feelings to “theories” or ideas that are apparently meant to explain them, or radical demands that completely upend our conception of them. A lot of writers – especially academics - instead write with knowledge presumed, or as if it just isn’t very difficult for others to accept what they are saying: this appears to be objective, but is actually pretty arrogant. Nelson definitely believes the personal is political, but equally, that any text that is going to deal with these terrifyingly human aspects of ourselves – love, sex, childbirth, parenting, discrimination, violence, desire - requires the repeated challenges of “lived experience” as academics like to call it, hence you’re back to the drawing board, the tangents and the concentric circles of the ideas that now feel much more humble, relevant, and achieveable.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual content, Pregnancy, and Death of parent
Moderate: Grief, Dysphoria, Medical content, and Religious bigotry
Minor: Incest and Alcoholism
ste11a's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
informative
reflective
sad
slow-paced
5.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Pregnancy and Sexual content
Minor: Transphobia and Cancer
mallory10100's review against another edition
emotional
informative
lighthearted
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
poetic, LGBTQ, memoir
Content Warnings
Graphic: Cancer, Child death, Chronic illness, Cursing, Death of parent, Homophobia, Infertility, Lesbophobia, Medical content, Mental illness, Miscarriage, Misogyny, Pedophilia, Pregnancy, Sexual content, Transphobia, Terminal illness, and Dysphoria
Moderate: Alcohol, Blood, and Vomit
megg's review against another edition
Ugh I was expecting something akin to stone butch or bechdel, and I could see this was trying to be that, but utterly failing. Don't whine to me about how hard having a partner who wants hrt or top surgery is. And I don't care about ur obscure philosophy references. Completely insufferable.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Dysphoria, Infertility, Medical content, Sexual content, Toxic relationship, and Transphobia
toastyyslut's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
5.0
incredible exploration of gender in relationships and while trying to have children. made me rethink so much about motherhood and queer motherhood.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Addiction, Alcoholism, Death of parent, Infertility, Mental illness, Miscarriage, Pregnancy, Sexual content, Stalking, and Vomit
libbyhb's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
2.5
Maybe I'm just not smart enough for this book, lol. I found myself pushing past concepts or sentences I didn't fully understand and just hoping it would work out in the end through a decent chunk of The Argonauts. I also kept thinking, every time a comment of Harry's would make it into the text, that I really just wanted to hear what he had to say. I fully LOVED the section near the end where sections of Maggie's birth experience alternate with passages written by Harry about staying with his mother while she died. I would give 4-5 stars to that section if the rest of the book didn't exist. Some of the writing about Harry's gender journey made me cringe, especially when Maggie would insert Harry's criticisms or challenges to her feelings and she would acknowledge them but then move on, unchanged. I also hated that they chose a Native American name for their son and then ham-fistedly defended the choice with a Native woman giving them an endorsement on it.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual content and Pregnancy
Moderate: Grief
tabitha_isabelle's review against another edition
informative
4.0
Content Warnings
Moderate: Cancer, Cursing, Death, Death of parent, Grief, Medical content, Sexual content, Stalking, and Vomit
cheye13's review against another edition
emotional
reflective
fast-paced
4.0
Right off the bat, I enjoyed this very much. The poetic writing style was engaging and I found the stream of consciousness narrative easy to follow. The analysis of Self was very interesting and inspired further thought. There was a bit about a third of the way in that went a little too deep into theory and lost me for a bit, but the recovery afterward was wonderful.
While this is a book I think straights should read, I find myself reluctant to recommend it to anyone not queer, and the text itself explains why: "...the butch characters would call each other 'he' and 'him,' but in the outer world of grocery stores and authority figures, people would call them "she" and "her." The point wasn't that if the outer world were schooled appropriately re: the characters' preferred pronouns, everything would be right as rain. Because if the outsiders called the characters "he," it would be a different kind of he" (pg 8).
While this is a book I think straights should read, I find myself reluctant to recommend it to anyone not queer, and the text itself explains why: "...the butch characters would call each other 'he' and 'him,' but in the outer world of grocery stores and authority figures, people would call them "she" and "her." The point wasn't that if the outer world were schooled appropriately re: the characters' preferred pronouns, everything would be right as rain. Because if the outsiders called the characters "he," it would be a different kind of he" (pg 8).
Content Warnings
Graphic: Death of parent
Moderate: Cancer, Grief, Terminal illness, and Stalking
Minor: Sexual assault, Sexual content, and Transphobia
There is brief discussion of child sexual abuse/assault scenes in literature.daisymaytwizell's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
reflective
fast-paced
4.0
Raises a lot of discussion points that I, as a pansexual woman who makes an active effort to read up on and consider LGBTQ+ issues, hadn't considered until exactly the moment she says them.
Content Warnings
Minor: Transphobia, Terminal illness, Sexual content, and Cancer
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