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504 reviews for:
You Are Your Best Thing: Vulnerability, Shame Resilience, and the Black Experience
Tarana Burke, Brené Brown
4.56 AVERAGE
504 reviews for:
You Are Your Best Thing: Vulnerability, Shame Resilience, and the Black Experience
Tarana Burke, Brené Brown
4.56 AVERAGE
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
tense
slow-paced
Content Warnings
Minor: Alcoholism, Body shaming, Hate crime, Panic attacks/disorders, Racism, Sexual assault
challenging
emotional
informative
reflective
medium-paced
I only got a chance to read about half of these essays before the book was due back at the library. I took something from each essay that I read but, ultimately, the most impactful essay for me was "The Wisdom of the Process" by Prentis Hemphill. Here are some of my favorite quotes from that piece:
"We found hiding places in our bodies for all these memories, because no one I knew had the time or resources to heal."
For me, this is an important reminder that it's a privilege to have the time or resources to heal.
"And in their rejection of me I could sense all the things about themselves they believed had to be hidden or compromised in order to belong, and the expectation that I could or would do the same."
I saw much of myself in this quote, as Prentiss discusses their relationship with parents and family. As I've moved into a more full embodiment of myself, a space that is more true to who I am and not what is expected of me, I've found very little support from my family. They prefer to exist in the small, unimaginative spaces they've cut out for themselves but that doesn't mean I should limit myself in the same way.
"This country has made of practice of denying the existence of trauma in Black bodies and communities and also denying its own role, ultimately, in traumatizing us."
"What are our politics if not the method through which we create and distribute wellness with what we have? What is culture if not our practices of resilience?"
This is one of my favorite quotes of all time. White liberalism has a reputation for lofty ideals with no real action. For me, this sentiment forces a reconciliation between what we believe and what we do. It forces me to ask myself how I create and distribute wellness and sit with the answer (even if it's an empty one). The second question about culture completely reshaped how I view culture. I came to see why historically oppressed peoples have a rich culture that oppressors lack.
"Our pain aversion makes this question of healing challenging to approach. It is one of the central motivators in American culture, to win our way to a pain-free existence... But pain serves a role in life. When experienced at a digestible rate, when our belonging and safety are not at risk, it can develop us. It can sturdy our sense of ourselves and open up the capacity for empathy. It can remind us that much of what there is to feel can be felt, in our bodies or with support from our relations. And yet, pain disproportionately felt, without space for respite or relief, without accountability or acknowledgment, creates a thing that festers."
This quote works on two levels for me. First, it explores the idea that the pain-free existence that so many of us are actively seeking is not what we truly desire. Second, it addresses how the space we're in when we experience pain holds a lot of power over how we're able to process and grow from it.
"The truth is that I don't know what we become when we heal. None of us does. That is the wisdom of the process. I know that when I open up to myself I became more of me, I became curious and porous. I cried more and argued less. I knew where my fight belonged and where it didn't. I knew where I belonged and I insisted on remaining. In healing we become more of ourselves. We move away from controlling our expressions, insisting on who we will be, gatekeeping to manage our insecurities, and we discover who we are after all this time, after all these breaks, with all this joy."
"We found hiding places in our bodies for all these memories, because no one I knew had the time or resources to heal."
For me, this is an important reminder that it's a privilege to have the time or resources to heal.
"And in their rejection of me I could sense all the things about themselves they believed had to be hidden or compromised in order to belong, and the expectation that I could or would do the same."
I saw much of myself in this quote, as Prentiss discusses their relationship with parents and family. As I've moved into a more full embodiment of myself, a space that is more true to who I am and not what is expected of me, I've found very little support from my family. They prefer to exist in the small, unimaginative spaces they've cut out for themselves but that doesn't mean I should limit myself in the same way.
"This country has made of practice of denying the existence of trauma in Black bodies and communities and also denying its own role, ultimately, in traumatizing us."
"What are our politics if not the method through which we create and distribute wellness with what we have? What is culture if not our practices of resilience?"
This is one of my favorite quotes of all time. White liberalism has a reputation for lofty ideals with no real action. For me, this sentiment forces a reconciliation between what we believe and what we do. It forces me to ask myself how I create and distribute wellness and sit with the answer (even if it's an empty one). The second question about culture completely reshaped how I view culture. I came to see why historically oppressed peoples have a rich culture that oppressors lack.
"Our pain aversion makes this question of healing challenging to approach. It is one of the central motivators in American culture, to win our way to a pain-free existence... But pain serves a role in life. When experienced at a digestible rate, when our belonging and safety are not at risk, it can develop us. It can sturdy our sense of ourselves and open up the capacity for empathy. It can remind us that much of what there is to feel can be felt, in our bodies or with support from our relations. And yet, pain disproportionately felt, without space for respite or relief, without accountability or acknowledgment, creates a thing that festers."
This quote works on two levels for me. First, it explores the idea that the pain-free existence that so many of us are actively seeking is not what we truly desire. Second, it addresses how the space we're in when we experience pain holds a lot of power over how we're able to process and grow from it.
"The truth is that I don't know what we become when we heal. None of us does. That is the wisdom of the process. I know that when I open up to myself I became more of me, I became curious and porous. I cried more and argued less. I knew where my fight belonged and where it didn't. I knew where I belonged and I insisted on remaining. In healing we become more of ourselves. We move away from controlling our expressions, insisting on who we will be, gatekeeping to manage our insecurities, and we discover who we are after all this time, after all these breaks, with all this joy."
I started to read this right after re-reading The Gift of Imperfection and it is the PERFECT companion book. These stories truly highlight relatable ways that shame operate in our daily lives. I read it slowly, a few short stories at a time, to try to soak it in.
challenging
emotional
inspiring
reflective
slow-paced
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
I don’t usually review these books and I pace myself when I read books like this as they can become so overwhelming, heartbreaking, emotionally distressing…. But this book I finished in two days because the essays felt more like conversations….. conversations I never wanted to end.
Vulnerability and shame are such an important aspect in todays society, and something that’s often ignored, this book allows you to see how lack of vulnerability and overload of shame is killing our people…. But to see/ read about these amazing people overcoming that warms my heart and inspires me so much.
I always love essay collections as it gives you so many perspective and reminds you that you are not alone…. And even if the experience is not your own, it allows you to understand your friend…. Or see if you are doing anything to further the oppression people experience (of your not a part of the solution, your a part of the problem)
Can I give a special shout out to @tanyadenisefields because her essay was just so powerful and felt like I was having needed conversation with a friend… and everything I needed to hear ♥️
Vulnerability and shame are such an important aspect in todays society, and something that’s often ignored, this book allows you to see how lack of vulnerability and overload of shame is killing our people…. But to see/ read about these amazing people overcoming that warms my heart and inspires me so much.
I always love essay collections as it gives you so many perspective and reminds you that you are not alone…. And even if the experience is not your own, it allows you to understand your friend…. Or see if you are doing anything to further the oppression people experience (of your not a part of the solution, your a part of the problem)
Can I give a special shout out to @tanyadenisefields because her essay was just so powerful and felt like I was having needed conversation with a friend… and everything I needed to hear ♥️
An important anthology of essays on vulnerability, shame resilience, and the black experience with many passages I found myself reading again and again. I so appreciate the different voices that are showcased in You Are Your Best Thing- I will be adding many of these writers works to my to be read list.
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced