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4.02 AVERAGE
4.02 AVERAGE
Wow. I have read quite a few memoirs and have loved quite a few of them but this one felt so different. It was raw, Stephanie didn’t hide anything from the reader. She showed even the most shameful of emotions and moments of her life. I give her all the credit as that had to have been so hard. This memoir is so relatable even though no one has experienced her experiences. I recommend this to anyone who loved Educated, North of Normal or The Glass Castle.
It's a gripping and at times awful story: poverty and abuse and mental illness; little shimmers of possibility and luck; neglect and silence and shame. And that's just the part Plymale knew about.
It wasn't until Plymale was well and truly an adult, facing the death of her mother, that her mother's own stories started to come out—and Plymale started to hear them, and find ways to corroborate them. For decades she had thought her family came from nothing and that her mother's poor parenting was just mental illness or personality or luck of the draw, but the truth of her mother's childhood turned everything she knew on its head.
It's a story with two timelines, the then and the now: Plymale as a child, living in a van and in foster care, illiterate until she was ten or so, fighting for survival and legitimacy and for something better; Plymale as an adult, with the success and stability she'd so craved, finally putting together the pieces and understanding why her childhood was the way it was.
Both parts are crucial to the story. I'm not sure that structurally it fully works—there are some plot points and characters that seem like they're going to be major (an almost-affair, a woman standing in as a second mother, what is described as something of a compulsive and expensive need to redesign things) that then disappear without follow-up. Too, the end of the book gets heavy into American history (as Plymale learns that parts of her family history are, in fact, illustrious), and while I understand theoretically how important that was to her to learn, to me it pales in comparison to the more personal end of the story. I came away understanding better how Plymale's new knowledge had changed her perception of her mother, but not how it had changed her perception of her childhood or her present life.
Maybe one for readers of [b:Bastards: A Memoir|26530369|Bastards A Memoir|Mary Anna King|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1461348340l/26530369._SY75_.jpg|42871213].
It wasn't until Plymale was well and truly an adult, facing the death of her mother, that her mother's own stories started to come out—and Plymale started to hear them, and find ways to corroborate them. For decades she had thought her family came from nothing and that her mother's poor parenting was just mental illness or personality or luck of the draw, but the truth of her mother's childhood turned everything she knew on its head.
It's a story with two timelines, the then and the now: Plymale as a child, living in a van and in foster care, illiterate until she was ten or so, fighting for survival and legitimacy and for something better; Plymale as an adult, with the success and stability she'd so craved, finally putting together the pieces and understanding why her childhood was the way it was.
Both parts are crucial to the story. I'm not sure that structurally it fully works—there are some plot points and characters that seem like they're going to be major (an almost-affair, a woman standing in as a second mother, what is described as something of a compulsive and expensive need to redesign things) that then disappear without follow-up. Too, the end of the book gets heavy into American history (as Plymale learns that parts of her family history are, in fact, illustrious), and while I understand theoretically how important that was to her to learn, to me it pales in comparison to the more personal end of the story. I came away understanding better how Plymale's new knowledge had changed her perception of her mother, but not how it had changed her perception of her childhood or her present life.
Maybe one for readers of [b:Bastards: A Memoir|26530369|Bastards A Memoir|Mary Anna King|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1461348340l/26530369._SY75_.jpg|42871213].
Stephanie Thornton Plymale had a rough life, to put it mildly. She grew up with an absentee addict mother who spent years in mental institutions and jails, with a similarly addicted and apathetic crook of a stepfather. When her mother was around, she was emotionally manipulative to Stephanie and her three siblings, refusing to be a provider, putting her kids in danger constantly, showing herself to be a pathological liar, intervening where she wasn't wanted, so much so that Stephanie took out two stalking orders against her mother. As a child, Stephanie spent years in and out of California's foster system as the dependent of a state, spending a good chunk of her life in a home where her foster father sexually abused her. Her three siblings grew up to also be addicts, to spend time in jails, to be bad parents. But Stephanie lived her life intentionally, striving to be unlike her mother in every way, to be in a stable marriage, to raise her children in a loving, warm home, and to be the picture of a success story. Now, Stephanie is the head of a small but successful college of interior design, mother of three, and proud homemaker.
In some ways, Plymale's story is terrifying, depressing, uniquely awful and miserable. In other ways, it is all too common a story in the United States: for children to be in the same situations that Stephanie found herself in time and time again. In the epilogue to the book, Plymale reaffirms that she is indeed "an American daughter, in the most optimistic sense of the phrase [...] and [she] was an American nightmare."
The book is told largely in present day, with occasional flashbacks describing her childhood memories. Stephanie is interviewing a prospective student for her interior design college when she gets a phone call from her mother. Her mother says that she has lung cancer and not much time to live. Despite all the trauma, abuse, and animosity, Stephanie still loves her mother - and she sees this as a now-or-never opportunity to mend the relationship one last time. Throughout the book, Stephanie visits her mother as her health worsens; she wants to learn what really happened in her mother's life. How did she become the person that she is? Stephanie learns the truly unspeakable histories of her mother's past, trauma that happened to her that could never be erased and affected her for the rest of her life. Stephanie also deals with her own demons, in smaller but just as important ways. Her failing marriage; her need to spend money to cultivate the sense of safety and security she never had growing up; dealing with the myriad ways that her mother affects her wellbeing.
This book is wonderfully written. I admire Plymale for putting her story to paper, sharing what must be extraordinarily difficult stories of sexual, emotional, and physical abuse - her own and her mother's. I also admire her strength in overcoming the horrifying situations she came from and forge a path for herself. I admire her willingness to make amends with her mother, to try to understand the trauma that her mother experienced and forgive her for her wrongs. I admire that she shares her mistakes, that she doesn't try to paint herself as a saint, and she shows us that you can still make things right no matter how wrong they seem. I admire that she acknowledges her privilege in being able to overcome her upbringing, noting that there are many thousands of children who grow up in the same situation as her and are prevented from achieving their true potential because of systemic, racial, or political barriers. There is so much to admire here in such a simple, straightforward memoir of stories and memories.
This book is a relatively quick read, although what you read will certainly sit with you for a long time. Although it's undoubtedly a sad subject, Plymale leaves you with a hopeful feeling, a feeling of resolution and optimism for the future. I highly recommend picking this up. Thank you to Greenleaf Book Group for the ARC via Netgalley.
In some ways, Plymale's story is terrifying, depressing, uniquely awful and miserable. In other ways, it is all too common a story in the United States: for children to be in the same situations that Stephanie found herself in time and time again. In the epilogue to the book, Plymale reaffirms that she is indeed "an American daughter, in the most optimistic sense of the phrase [...] and [she] was an American nightmare."
The book is told largely in present day, with occasional flashbacks describing her childhood memories. Stephanie is interviewing a prospective student for her interior design college when she gets a phone call from her mother. Her mother says that she has lung cancer and not much time to live. Despite all the trauma, abuse, and animosity, Stephanie still loves her mother - and she sees this as a now-or-never opportunity to mend the relationship one last time. Throughout the book, Stephanie visits her mother as her health worsens; she wants to learn what really happened in her mother's life. How did she become the person that she is? Stephanie learns the truly unspeakable histories of her mother's past, trauma that happened to her that could never be erased and affected her for the rest of her life. Stephanie also deals with her own demons, in smaller but just as important ways. Her failing marriage; her need to spend money to cultivate the sense of safety and security she never had growing up; dealing with the myriad ways that her mother affects her wellbeing.
This book is wonderfully written. I admire Plymale for putting her story to paper, sharing what must be extraordinarily difficult stories of sexual, emotional, and physical abuse - her own and her mother's. I also admire her strength in overcoming the horrifying situations she came from and forge a path for herself. I admire her willingness to make amends with her mother, to try to understand the trauma that her mother experienced and forgive her for her wrongs. I admire that she shares her mistakes, that she doesn't try to paint herself as a saint, and she shows us that you can still make things right no matter how wrong they seem. I admire that she acknowledges her privilege in being able to overcome her upbringing, noting that there are many thousands of children who grow up in the same situation as her and are prevented from achieving their true potential because of systemic, racial, or political barriers. There is so much to admire here in such a simple, straightforward memoir of stories and memories.
This book is a relatively quick read, although what you read will certainly sit with you for a long time. Although it's undoubtedly a sad subject, Plymale leaves you with a hopeful feeling, a feeling of resolution and optimism for the future. I highly recommend picking this up. Thank you to Greenleaf Book Group for the ARC via Netgalley.
This is a really hard book to rate. The story is incredibly sad, and I can't imagine what it is like to live with the trauma Stephanie and her mother experienced. If you're a fan of The Glass Castle and Educated, this should be your next read. However, *Trigger warnings abound* If you're not in a good place, you might want to give this one a pass.
4 1/2 stars. A heartbreaking memoir of multigenerational trauma, a lifetime of hidden mysteries, one woman’s story of healing from raw pain and grief.
emotional
inspiring
sad
medium-paced
Won a Kindle copy from Goodreads. My interest in mental health and generational trauma sparked my curiosity in this woman’s story. Interesting read about her journey and desire to understand her mother’s journey; learning about the past can bring healing and peace . As an adoptee it was a bit hard to read her perspectives on the adoption process though, but there were many ways to relate to her too. So well written, and spoke many truths about the importance of uncovering the secrets of the past and overcoming trauma.
This a riveting story full of many heartbreaking twists and turns - not easy to put this one down.
challenging
dark
emotional
medium-paced
This was an extremely entertaining memoir about transcending the harshest of circumstances and coming out ahead. Thankfully, the message is not one that "proves" that everyone has an equal opportunity and that hard work alone will get you success--no matter what you face. Yes, our author was successful, but she does not tout that it was easy and that it is possible for everyone.
There was much in this story that reminded me of The Glass Castle, which I also loved. It was a quick and fantastic read.
There was much in this story that reminded me of The Glass Castle, which I also loved. It was a quick and fantastic read.