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3.91 AVERAGE
3.91 AVERAGE
4.5 stars - this narrative will move you; the writing was so simple and visceral at the same time. So many flaws and vulnerabilities laid bare. So many limes to read over and over again because they just seek into your bones.
I gave up the writing is just not something I can really follow. It was interesting at times but you need to really focus and I would find me mind wandering.
Mailhot tells the story of growing up in her poor, chaotic home on the Rez, having children, and having the eldest taken away from her when her mental health deteriorates. Later, treated for bipolar disorder, she is on an upward trend but tends to self-sabotage, doing stupid things for love.
In the afterward, she mentions that people will call the memoir "raw" without acknowledging the art that went into telling it raw. But she also says she tries to tell it with all her flaws on display, so as not to make herself the innocent victim in it all, like when she punches her lover (later husband) in a jealous fit and gives him a black eye.
This was a hard read! It's short, but the subject matter of mental illness, abuse, and poverty, is difficult, and the narrative bops around in time. Mailhot writes a lot in short, choppy sentences that give the writing the feel of a poem or a chant.
From what she says in the afterward, it seems that Mailhot wanted to tell a memoir by a Native American woman that did not conform to archetypes and showed the ugly along with the sacred. She's done that here. She seems like a talent to follow.
In the afterward, she mentions that people will call the memoir "raw" without acknowledging the art that went into telling it raw. But she also says she tries to tell it with all her flaws on display, so as not to make herself the innocent victim in it all, like when she punches her lover (later husband) in a jealous fit and gives him a black eye.
This was a hard read! It's short, but the subject matter of mental illness, abuse, and poverty, is difficult, and the narrative bops around in time. Mailhot writes a lot in short, choppy sentences that give the writing the feel of a poem or a chant.
From what she says in the afterward, it seems that Mailhot wanted to tell a memoir by a Native American woman that did not conform to archetypes and showed the ugly along with the sacred. She's done that here. She seems like a talent to follow.
This is a book centered around a Native American (self-described Indian) and her coming to terms with her inner demons and her past. Her writing, often conversations or letters to her boyfriend/ex/husband or mother/father was little esoteric at times- where she is writing to someone at a very high level or without giving the reader much context. But I think that's what makes it even more powerful.
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
Deep, reflective, and tough to process but something I’m glad I read. I went on an emotional and reflective journey reading this memoir, and it had me taking a moment to reflect on my own relationships with trauma, with grief, with shame, with pain, and brutal honesty with myself.
Quotes that stick with me:
“If transgressions were all bad, people wouldn’t do them. Do you consider me a transgression?”
“Feel culpable in my insanity because you are partly to blame.”
“At thirty-two, I was a child, a victim of something.”
“The right love is an adhesive.”
“I am not too ugly for this world.”
“This story is yours, culprit of my pain. Which one of us is asking for mercy?”
Quotes that stick with me:
“If transgressions were all bad, people wouldn’t do them. Do you consider me a transgression?”
“Feel culpable in my insanity because you are partly to blame.”
“At thirty-two, I was a child, a victim of something.”
“The right love is an adhesive.”
“I am not too ugly for this world.”
“This story is yours, culprit of my pain. Which one of us is asking for mercy?”
Content Warnings
Moderate: Alcoholism, Child abuse, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Pedophilia, Self harm, Sexual assault, Suicidal thoughts, Grief, Abortion, Suicide attempt, Death of parent, Pregnancy, Abandonment
God DAMN this book is good. Probably one of the very few memoirs I’ve read that are worth rereading...
challenging
emotional
reflective
slow-paced