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112 reviews for:
Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape
Jessica Valenti, Jaclyn Friedman
4.16 AVERAGE
112 reviews for:
Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape
Jessica Valenti, Jaclyn Friedman
4.16 AVERAGE
I'd had this book on "to read" for quite a while, and despite difficulties tracking down an e-copy, finally made it.
This is a somewhat classic text at this point, and while I definitely learned things and gained new perspectives (process-oriented virginity, anyone?), my major takeaway was how much things have progressed in the past 12 years. Of course, there are problems with feminism as consumerism - I'm guilty of several feminist t-shirts myself - and there are MASSIVE issues in every direction. However, things are slowly becoming more sayable, whether it's in the context of the MeToo movement, increased mainstreaming of sex toy stores, acceptability of other sexes/genders/sexualities, more open forms of sexual expression (I'm not going to advocate for 50 Shades as a book, but at least a conversation started), women's health generally, or simply the idea of enthusiastic consent itself. So perhaps we've accomplished 2% of what this book sets out to do. And while that's a small amount, it makes me optimistic, and ever-more determined.
Particular standouts for me were the essays "A love letter from an anti-rape activist to her feminist sex-toy store", "Reclaiming touch: rape culture, explicit verbal consent, and body sovereignty", and "Real sex education".
A worthwhile and thoughtful read.
This is a somewhat classic text at this point, and while I definitely learned things and gained new perspectives (process-oriented virginity, anyone?), my major takeaway was how much things have progressed in the past 12 years. Of course, there are problems with feminism as consumerism - I'm guilty of several feminist t-shirts myself - and there are MASSIVE issues in every direction. However, things are slowly becoming more sayable, whether it's in the context of the MeToo movement, increased mainstreaming of sex toy stores, acceptability of other sexes/genders/sexualities, more open forms of sexual expression (I'm not going to advocate for 50 Shades as a book, but at least a conversation started), women's health generally, or simply the idea of enthusiastic consent itself. So perhaps we've accomplished 2% of what this book sets out to do. And while that's a small amount, it makes me optimistic, and ever-more determined.
Particular standouts for me were the essays "A love letter from an anti-rape activist to her feminist sex-toy store", "Reclaiming touch: rape culture, explicit verbal consent, and body sovereignty", and "Real sex education".
A worthwhile and thoughtful read.
I'm counting this as read because I read most of the ones I was interested in. I may go back and pick off a few more.
I really liked Julia Serano's essay about how in addition to not desexualizing women who choose not to make themselves objects, we have to stop desexualizing men who choose not to objectify.
The interview with three sex workers was also really interesting, although it sort of ignored the idea that sex work isn't always a choice.
There was another really good one that I'm not remembering right now either. Oh yes---the one on virginity! Great.
All in all, some very good essays and very smart, interesting stuff. No wonder it's a classic.
I really liked Julia Serano's essay about how in addition to not desexualizing women who choose not to make themselves objects, we have to stop desexualizing men who choose not to objectify.
The interview with three sex workers was also really interesting, although it sort of ignored the idea that sex work isn't always a choice.
There was another really good one that I'm not remembering right now either. Oh yes---the one on virginity! Great.
All in all, some very good essays and very smart, interesting stuff. No wonder it's a classic.
My biggest problem with this book is that a lot of the essays don't really push into the visions promised by the title - they're to a large extent descriptions of what the authors have experienced. This is obviously valuable, but I guess I expected a bit more given the title and the wide availability of many different people's experiences on the internet that this to a certain extent replicates. Also, only a few essays linked the problems described to causes past a nebulous "culture" and to things like capitalism. This isn't to say the book is bad. The vast majority of essays are good and a couple are great. I think this would be an excellent introduction to the topic and I do think it's worth a read - some of the stuff here made me think more even though I've been engaging with these ideas for a while.
I'll mention one of the early essays though that stood out as particularly bad. It talks about women in jobs where they're treated pretty much as sexual objects. Yet it didn't mention the economic conditions that force them there and even though it quoted a model who talked about the ways in which her job was "empowering" - or at least less degrading than assumed - it didn't engage at all. Her final conclusion, as a self described "young professional in New York", was that all these people should quit their jobs. Incredible.
The stand out essay of the collection is "The Not Rape Epidemic" by Latoya Peterson. I read it on the internet before I found the book and it's an absolutely harrowing, deeply affecting essay that actually made me sit up and take note of how incredibly fucked up our rape culture is. I was numb for several hours. I recommend reading it if you can deal with it. It's incredible.
http://www.racialicious.com/2008/12/21/original-essay-the-not-rape-epidemic/
I'll mention one of the early essays though that stood out as particularly bad. It talks about women in jobs where they're treated pretty much as sexual objects. Yet it didn't mention the economic conditions that force them there and even though it quoted a model who talked about the ways in which her job was "empowering" - or at least less degrading than assumed - it didn't engage at all. Her final conclusion, as a self described "young professional in New York", was that all these people should quit their jobs. Incredible.
The stand out essay of the collection is "The Not Rape Epidemic" by Latoya Peterson. I read it on the internet before I found the book and it's an absolutely harrowing, deeply affecting essay that actually made me sit up and take note of how incredibly fucked up our rape culture is. I was numb for several hours. I recommend reading it if you can deal with it. It's incredible.
http://www.racialicious.com/2008/12/21/original-essay-the-not-rape-epidemic/
challenging
dark
emotional
Difficult and inconsistent and disturbing. Amusingly uncomfortable to read in public (at a bus stop, on the bus, in the lunch room at work). And yet worth reading. And the basic point of "enthusiastic consent" as being more appropriate than just following "no means no" is a point worth making. Many of these essays were coming from a perspective wildly different from my own - and yet their world and my world are not all that far apart. This was a book worth discussing and why I read it.
An excellent anthology of writings on female sexuality and sex positivity.
Good book, very educational, though the essays get a little repetitive after a while.
informative
inspiring
reflective
TW: some of these essays have adult content and profane language abounds. Consider yourself warned.
I read this one because for those who know me this is the field I work in and also what I'm passionate about. I can't remember much about this one now. Read it 2+ years ago, but I think I recall enjoying most of the essays.
I read this one because for those who know me this is the field I work in and also what I'm passionate about. I can't remember much about this one now. Read it 2+ years ago, but I think I recall enjoying most of the essays.
3.5 stars
This book is a wonderful collection of essays related to gender based violence, consent, and sexual misconduct. I recommend this for anyone interested in the subect of sexual violence and wanting a more in depth collection of essays on the topic.
I started this book at the beginning of the year when I took a class entitled: gender based violence: from theory to action. I learned a lot about the subject and about myself from taking the class. I started volunteering at the sexual assault prevention and awareness center at my university. And I just completely training to become a member of a research team for a project on Title IX and the resources and reporting information available and accessible on school websites. This project is pretty groundbreaking, and there's nothing quite like it in existence yet.
This book has been tremendously helpful as a resource and reference. I will mention that this book was relatively emotionally draining and triggering at times because it encompasses a variety of topics like partner abuse, sex work, incest, "not rape," virginity, and empowerment. Take care of yourself if you read this book. I recommend what I did, which is spread this out over a long period of time.
This book is stuffed with important information. I'm rating this a little lower than normal because I found some chapters boring and some more captivating than others. The information is all important, but some of it was not written in a way that was intriguing to read.
This book is a wonderful collection of essays related to gender based violence, consent, and sexual misconduct. I recommend this for anyone interested in the subect of sexual violence and wanting a more in depth collection of essays on the topic.
I started this book at the beginning of the year when I took a class entitled: gender based violence: from theory to action. I learned a lot about the subject and about myself from taking the class. I started volunteering at the sexual assault prevention and awareness center at my university. And I just completely training to become a member of a research team for a project on Title IX and the resources and reporting information available and accessible on school websites. This project is pretty groundbreaking, and there's nothing quite like it in existence yet.
This book has been tremendously helpful as a resource and reference. I will mention that this book was relatively emotionally draining and triggering at times because it encompasses a variety of topics like partner abuse, sex work, incest, "not rape," virginity, and empowerment. Take care of yourself if you read this book. I recommend what I did, which is spread this out over a long period of time.
This book is stuffed with important information. I'm rating this a little lower than normal because I found some chapters boring and some more captivating than others. The information is all important, but some of it was not written in a way that was intriguing to read.