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112 reviews for:
Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape
Jessica Valenti, Jaclyn Friedman
4.16 AVERAGE
112 reviews for:
Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape
Jessica Valenti, Jaclyn Friedman
4.16 AVERAGE
Most books on negotiated consent are going to seem pretty 101 level to most queer people or anyone who's spent any time in the kink community, and this one is no exception. This book is definitely aimed at straight cis people who maybe have not given this a ton of thought. But these essays do a good job of putting concepts into words and metaphors that are helpful for thinking about, or discussing them with others. Particularly memorable/helpful: "The Pussy Oversoul," which makes explicit (and points out problems in) the way that straight men often think about "getting pussy," as if women are gatekeepers of some abstract concept that they're entitled to, not human beings. I also liked an essay which critiques the common cultural metaphor of sex as a monetary transaction (it's something one person can give/take/keep from another), and suggests a new, collaborative metaphor: musical/artistic collaboration (sex as something people actively create together).
I picked this up after reading Jaclyn Friedman's What You Really, Really Want: A Smart Girl's Shame Free Guide to Sex and Safety. The title was catchy and made me think "Is it possible to have a world without rape?".
At first, when I found out how the authors suggested I read the book via the list of recommended titles at the end based on the themes, I was a little sceptical as I am quite a routine person who reads things cover to cover. But I tried it and surprisingly it was a fun and unique way to read the various stories and articles. I would not call this an anthology exactly but it seems more like a collection of essays and articles.
I enjoyed all of the stories I read during the first half. It had to do with not only content in the story but writing style and tone. For those which I did not enjoy as much, I still appreciated the messages they shared but I just could not vibe the style of writing. This books encompasses the landscape of United States of America but even though I do not live there, I could still relate to what I read like not feeling like an individual could speak up, feeling scared that they would be judged and laughed at. Some of the things I read, I felt uncomfortable with but I think that is normal and everyone is different.
So many of the stories talk about female sexual autonomy and it is a concept that I found hard to envision but I liked it. It felt nice to finally have in my hands a book that discusses things that usually are not talked about and avoided. To have answers to my questions, "Why is it like this?", "Why do I feel this way?".
I particularly liked that even though this book focuses on females, there are also perspectives into minority groups like African American women, immigrant women, sex workers, LGBTQ individuals and also the prejudices that come to mind when we hear about females abusing males. Until recently it was very hard for me to believe that a man could be raped, I always thought that only women could be victims of rape. I found it interesting to get a point of view of a Trans woman who can see from both the perspectives of a man and woman. Why do women seem so attracted to bad boys. This trope is so apparent in fiction especially young adult and it annoys me.
I found that this book helped me become aware of things that were unconscious to me and why they came about. I liked that I was able to see from new perspectives and this book does a good job of representing many groups. Not everyone will be open and supportive of what this book stands for. Some are not ready to have their views challenged, others need more evidence to be convinced and have misconceptions on what feminism stands for. I can see that there is still alot of work to be done but this is a great way to open minds and conversations.
To be clear, I did not rate this a 3 stars because of the content because I applaud what was shared in this book but I judge it base on the book as a whole and take into consideration content, writing style, ease of reading and how much I enjoyed each story.
At first, when I found out how the authors suggested I read the book via the list of recommended titles at the end based on the themes, I was a little sceptical as I am quite a routine person who reads things cover to cover. But I tried it and surprisingly it was a fun and unique way to read the various stories and articles. I would not call this an anthology exactly but it seems more like a collection of essays and articles.
I enjoyed all of the stories I read during the first half. It had to do with not only content in the story but writing style and tone. For those which I did not enjoy as much, I still appreciated the messages they shared but I just could not vibe the style of writing. This books encompasses the landscape of United States of America but even though I do not live there, I could still relate to what I read like not feeling like an individual could speak up, feeling scared that they would be judged and laughed at. Some of the things I read, I felt uncomfortable with but I think that is normal and everyone is different.
So many of the stories talk about female sexual autonomy and it is a concept that I found hard to envision but I liked it. It felt nice to finally have in my hands a book that discusses things that usually are not talked about and avoided. To have answers to my questions, "Why is it like this?", "Why do I feel this way?".
I particularly liked that even though this book focuses on females, there are also perspectives into minority groups like African American women, immigrant women, sex workers, LGBTQ individuals and also the prejudices that come to mind when we hear about females abusing males. Until recently it was very hard for me to believe that a man could be raped, I always thought that only women could be victims of rape. I found it interesting to get a point of view of a Trans woman who can see from both the perspectives of a man and woman. Why do women seem so attracted to bad boys. This trope is so apparent in fiction especially young adult and it annoys me.
I found that this book helped me become aware of things that were unconscious to me and why they came about. I liked that I was able to see from new perspectives and this book does a good job of representing many groups. Not everyone will be open and supportive of what this book stands for. Some are not ready to have their views challenged, others need more evidence to be convinced and have misconceptions on what feminism stands for. I can see that there is still alot of work to be done but this is a great way to open minds and conversations.
To be clear, I did not rate this a 3 stars because of the content because I applaud what was shared in this book but I judge it base on the book as a whole and take into consideration content, writing style, ease of reading and how much I enjoyed each story.
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
fast-paced
Read this book. No, really. Read. This. Book.
I can't tell you how much the essays in this collection made me rethink my perspective on female sexuality, rape culture, what it means to be a woman in America right now, and many other topics. These essays are eye-openers, embracing not only a sex-positive look at female sexuality but also a perspective that views all forms of sexual pain as legitimate injuries. The essayists go beyond the question of "was there rape?" and "did she say no?" and look instead at how the culture accepts heterosexual experiences where the woman experiences just a little or no pleasure as ordinary and acceptable. These essays challenge us to raise our expectations of sex and not to accept the misogyny and anti-woman behavior that is so prevalent in our society.
The book also spans quite an array of topics. There are essays from the perspective of women of color, sex workers, and a MTF transsexual. There are essays on the problems faced by female immigrants, poor women, young women, and drug-users. Some essays explore the purity myth, while others look at incest or homophobia. There's something for everyone, but I would strongly recommend this book to all women, no matter whether you consider yourself a feminist or whether you've ever really thought about rape culture before. It's an eye-opening experience.
I can't tell you how much the essays in this collection made me rethink my perspective on female sexuality, rape culture, what it means to be a woman in America right now, and many other topics. These essays are eye-openers, embracing not only a sex-positive look at female sexuality but also a perspective that views all forms of sexual pain as legitimate injuries. The essayists go beyond the question of "was there rape?" and "did she say no?" and look instead at how the culture accepts heterosexual experiences where the woman experiences just a little or no pleasure as ordinary and acceptable. These essays challenge us to raise our expectations of sex and not to accept the misogyny and anti-woman behavior that is so prevalent in our society.
The book also spans quite an array of topics. There are essays from the perspective of women of color, sex workers, and a MTF transsexual. There are essays on the problems faced by female immigrants, poor women, young women, and drug-users. Some essays explore the purity myth, while others look at incest or homophobia. There's something for everyone, but I would strongly recommend this book to all women, no matter whether you consider yourself a feminist or whether you've ever really thought about rape culture before. It's an eye-opening experience.
Absolutely essential reading for parents, educators, and people who have relationships.
When approached with an open, sex-positive perspective and read constructively and critically, this book is a tool for understanding non-violent sexuality and dismantling our pervading rape-culture. It's great for all kinds of other insights as well and even if it doesn't inspire, it will make you examine some of the things you never new you were taking for granted about your (and your partner's) body and sexuality.
When approached with an open, sex-positive perspective and read constructively and critically, this book is a tool for understanding non-violent sexuality and dismantling our pervading rape-culture. It's great for all kinds of other insights as well and even if it doesn't inspire, it will make you examine some of the things you never new you were taking for granted about your (and your partner's) body and sexuality.
This is a great introductory text to consent culture in all of the ways it touches on this topic in mainstream culture. A great gathering of different essays and perspectives on consent. Deeply intersectional and a must read.
I think it would have been difficult for me to give this book anything less than five stars, as it was basically 20+ essays featuring my own opinions on female empowerment. To criticize the essays would be to criticize myself. Granted, some essays were better than others, and some didn't interest me as much as others, but the overall tone of the book put me in one of my ultra-empowered feminist moods, so I've been talking about this book quite a bit. Very worthwhile read.
This is an awesome, amazing, inspiring, terrifying, and empowering book. I loved it, and plan on buying my own copy (not to mention giving several as gifts). I wish it was mandatory reading in high school.
The format is really reader friendly, the essays are very accessible, and it manages to cover a huge range of thoughts, theories, topics, and viewpoints. Fantastic.
The format is really reader friendly, the essays are very accessible, and it manages to cover a huge range of thoughts, theories, topics, and viewpoints. Fantastic.
I'm probably being too harsh on this book, but honestly...most of it couldn't capture my attention. Some of the chapters were amazing - like the one about immigration and how poor women of color are affected by rape culture. However there were others that just didn't sit well with me like the one by a trans woman who made an argument for nice guys with the "but not all men" argument. She argued that we should get rid of the victim/predator dichotomy because not all men are predators. I...I obviously have zero desire to invalidate her experiences as a trans woman but COME ON.
Considering how much I do not like Jessica Valenti's writing (the stuff of nightmares), and even though she only wrote one chapter which was about a topic in another book she wrote, I feel like I gave this a pretty fair review. I skimmed through maybe 25% of the book. The way things were grouped in this book...idk. Like come on don't group things by race bc then it's like all these white women chapters and then some "race" chapters by women of color.
Considering how much I do not like Jessica Valenti's writing (the stuff of nightmares), and even though she only wrote one chapter which was about a topic in another book she wrote, I feel like I gave this a pretty fair review. I skimmed through maybe 25% of the book. The way things were grouped in this book...idk. Like come on don't group things by race bc then it's like all these white women chapters and then some "race" chapters by women of color.
This book had a lot of great essays and ideas, some solid intersectionality and fantastic ideals, though as is expected with an anthology, a couple essays are less than stellar or miss the mark (I mean, A is for ally?? Really???? -_-)
I particularly liked the essays about performance model of sex, the process-oriented virgin and Explicit Verbal Consent.
I particularly liked the essays about performance model of sex, the process-oriented virgin and Explicit Verbal Consent.