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3.9 AVERAGE
3.9 AVERAGE
I think this is a book that every person should read, especially during an election year. I learned so much about how to have respectful and insightful conversations, and it’s inspired me to become more educated on the topics I care about to prepare for these conversations. I appreciate all of the real world examples and experiences she has had with bridging conversations and proof of her methods actually working to help gain an understanding on others perspectives. She made a complicated topic very easy to understand and be engaged in.
I have a mixed reaction to this book. On the one hand, there is a lot of truth in the ideas Guzman puts forward here. On the other hand, a lot of it is obvious common sense. There is nothing particularly new or revolutionary. Then again, we clearly aren’t using that common sense in our interactions with others, so it seems pretty clear we need someone to spell it out and remind us.
Something that bothered me was the writing style. It is a very conversational, informal sort of writing which does not appeal to me. I find it distracting. When an author actually uses “amirite”, I have difficulty taking her seriously. It also has a self-help book style that annoys me. I can only remember so many acronyms and silly mnemonics before I lose interest. It also tends to wander a bit.
All that said, in general Guzman is on the right track in many respects. I tend to have a similar optimistic attitude that many answers to many of our problems lie in learning how to listen to others and how to have meaningful conversations. Although I do think it is naive to think this will solve all problems. But it is a very good start.
Overall, the book is worth reading but rather flawed.
Something that bothered me was the writing style. It is a very conversational, informal sort of writing which does not appeal to me. I find it distracting. When an author actually uses “amirite”, I have difficulty taking her seriously. It also has a self-help book style that annoys me. I can only remember so many acronyms and silly mnemonics before I lose interest. It also tends to wander a bit.
All that said, in general Guzman is on the right track in many respects. I tend to have a similar optimistic attitude that many answers to many of our problems lie in learning how to listen to others and how to have meaningful conversations. Although I do think it is naive to think this will solve all problems. But it is a very good start.
Overall, the book is worth reading but rather flawed.
Ever talk to people with different opinions in life? You should read this book.
Terrific book, one that I'll for sure read again. Every chapter has practical steps for better conversations and helps for trying to understand others. One of the best books I'll read this year.
challenging
informative
reflective
medium-paced
I Never Thought of It That Way is a guide to being curious in our conversations with others. Although many studies and "experts" are referenced what I really enjoyed were the author's personal stories. I heard Guzman speak in a (virtual) discussion hosted by the Carnegie Library as part of their Civic e series. (clpvideo on youtube) Reading the book added much more to the discussion, along with more practical tips for honing curiosity. The author is a journalist by trade, so perhaps asking questions and learning comes naturally to her, but she provides a number of practical ways for anyone to look at issues from various points of view, outside our SOS - sorting, othering, and siloing.
The copy I read is from the library (of course!), but this is a book that I many buy, for myself and perhaps for others as well.
My only criticism is with the many asterisked passages. Perhaps it is my old eyes, but I often did not see the asterisk as I was reading, and when I got to the bottom of the page, I had to go back and look for what it was referencing.
"False stories soar because good people relate to something in them that's true: a fear or value or concern that's going unheard, unexplored, and unacknowledged." (xxii)
"The way we're sorted into groups does its dividing, blinding work all around us. It's a simple formula: What's underrepresented in your communities will be underrepresented in your life and overrepresented in your imagination. It's harder to interact generously with people who hold perspectives that concern you, so it'll be way easier to other them." (27)
"Siloing goes too far when the stories we tell about each other are not only wrong but demeaning. When we spend so much time in spaces that intensify our basest judgments that we believe the other side is barely human at all." (42)
Traction dials: Time, Attention, Parity, Containment, Embodiment (Chapter 7, beginning p. 83)
"They [ researchers from the Difficult Conversation Lab at Columbia University] found out that if a conversation has three moments of positivity for every moment of negativity, it's less likely to succumb to an emotional or intellectual 'collapse'." (93)
"Melting Mountain" one-on-one questions:
"What's your favorite childhood memory?"
"What's one national issue you feel divides our nation currently? How do you feel about it and what in your experience has shaped your position?"
"What concerns do you have about our country in the next few years?"
"What do you hope to see happen to our country in the next few years?" (108)
"We think of perspectives as interpretations of information. But when it comes to the things that divide us, perspectives are information. And gathering more perspectives gets us closer to a bigger, more complicated truth." (121)
Schwartz Theory of Basic Human Values: Stimulation, Hedonism, Achievement, Power, Benevolence, Universalism, Security, Conformity, Tradition, and Self-Direction.
www.yourmorals.org/schwartz_process.php (168, 169)
"Most of the time we attach to identity-related beliefs because they reflect who we are. But every now and then, we attach to identity-related beliefs because they reflect who other people expect us to be." (186)
"Honesty, curiosity, and respect" (236)
The copy I read is from the library (of course!), but this is a book that I many buy, for myself and perhaps for others as well.
My only criticism is with the many asterisked passages. Perhaps it is my old eyes, but I often did not see the asterisk as I was reading, and when I got to the bottom of the page, I had to go back and look for what it was referencing.
"False stories soar because good people relate to something in them that's true: a fear or value or concern that's going unheard, unexplored, and unacknowledged." (xxii)
"The way we're sorted into groups does its dividing, blinding work all around us. It's a simple formula: What's underrepresented in your communities will be underrepresented in your life and overrepresented in your imagination. It's harder to interact generously with people who hold perspectives that concern you, so it'll be way easier to other them." (27)
"Siloing goes too far when the stories we tell about each other are not only wrong but demeaning. When we spend so much time in spaces that intensify our basest judgments that we believe the other side is barely human at all." (42)
Traction dials: Time, Attention, Parity, Containment, Embodiment (Chapter 7, beginning p. 83)
"They [ researchers from the Difficult Conversation Lab at Columbia University] found out that if a conversation has three moments of positivity for every moment of negativity, it's less likely to succumb to an emotional or intellectual 'collapse'." (93)
"Melting Mountain" one-on-one questions:
"What's your favorite childhood memory?"
"What's one national issue you feel divides our nation currently? How do you feel about it and what in your experience has shaped your position?"
"What concerns do you have about our country in the next few years?"
"What do you hope to see happen to our country in the next few years?" (108)
"We think of perspectives as interpretations of information. But when it comes to the things that divide us, perspectives are information. And gathering more perspectives gets us closer to a bigger, more complicated truth." (121)
Schwartz Theory of Basic Human Values: Stimulation, Hedonism, Achievement, Power, Benevolence, Universalism, Security, Conformity, Tradition, and Self-Direction.
www.yourmorals.org/schwartz_process.php (168, 169)
"Most of the time we attach to identity-related beliefs because they reflect who we are. But every now and then, we attach to identity-related beliefs because they reflect who other people expect us to be." (186)
"Honesty, curiosity, and respect" (236)
I went into this book with an open mind but was disappointed by its centrist stance and lack of consideration for perspectives outside of the two party system.
challenging
hopeful
informative
reflective
medium-paced
emotional
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
informative
slow-paced