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liljo's review against another edition
4.0
I thought this was a really touching, vulnerable memoir of the artist as a woman. I was surprised, in a good way, at just how relatable the Joyce Smith--behind the legendary "Joyce Carol Oates"--is. Sad, but a moving tribute to her husband and their life together.
lindseypinzy's review against another edition
I dont think I have ever gone without "star rating" a book, but there is no possible way to rate this book on a scale of 1 to 5.
I dont even know if I enjoyed this book or not. I admire the author for putting all of her fears and worries on a page. I have lost someone very close to me before (not a spouse, but a very close friend) and her feelings resonated with me.
But then her stubbornness to actually GRIEVE just angered me. Though we all grieve in different ways, I felt like her refusal to cancel any classes (she is/was a college professor) or speaking engagements was, in a way, disrespectful towards the loss of her husband.
And not that it makes it any less of a loss, but her husband was SEVENTY EIGHT. This book read as if he was THIRTY EIGHT.
(She also got remarried a year after her first husband passed... which seemed to bother most reviewers- professional and or otherwise. Once again, everyone grieves in different ways for different periods of time, and I have no right to judge her.)
To sum it up: I judged her pretty harshly for what she wrote in this book, which I shouldn't have and I appreciate her capturing the grief one feels after an unexpected loss. That's all I've got...
I dont even know if I enjoyed this book or not. I admire the author for putting all of her fears and worries on a page. I have lost someone very close to me before (not a spouse, but a very close friend) and her feelings resonated with me.
But then her stubbornness to actually GRIEVE just angered me. Though we all grieve in different ways, I felt like her refusal to cancel any classes (she is/was a college professor) or speaking engagements was, in a way, disrespectful towards the loss of her husband.
And not that it makes it any less of a loss, but her husband was SEVENTY EIGHT. This book read as if he was THIRTY EIGHT.
(She also got remarried a year after her first husband passed... which seemed to bother most reviewers- professional and or otherwise. Once again, everyone grieves in different ways for different periods of time, and I have no right to judge her.)
To sum it up: I judged her pretty harshly for what she wrote in this book, which I shouldn't have and I appreciate her capturing the grief one feels after an unexpected loss. That's all I've got...
nonnie63's review against another edition
5.0
A deep look into an author's soul. There is a distinct difference between an author and the individual person. Readers often misunderstand this and the conflict begins and therein lies the problem. Joyce Smith always thought of herself as the wife and professor more than the author Joyce Carol Oates! And in this book the reader can feel the contemptuous feeling that Joyce feels for her writing! Maybe because of the intrusive feelings it incurred in her during her book signings or during her mourning with her friends? We'll never know. It appeared to me that Smith had no true friends except for her beloved Ray Smith! How I mourned for her though, her heart wrenching dispair was palpable! I couldn't help feeling love for Joyce Carol Oates whether she liked it or not!
sushai's review against another edition
4.0
So effectively heart rending you can imagine it's happening to you. I tried to avoid the book while also feeling compelled to finish it. I did expect as I read on that I'd get a sense of the "light at the end of the tunnel", which never happened, although there was a hint at the end of the book that she'd met someone new? And then remarried within a year. Something tells me there's a whole other book in that.
I am a huge fan of JCO and was glad to get a glimpse of her real self in this.
I am a huge fan of JCO and was glad to get a glimpse of her real self in this.
dianne_aguilera's review against another edition
I didn't finish this but I think I got out of it what I was meant to. It was a clunky read for me at the beginning but that's sort of the point - it is a widow's pain spilled onto the pages. I did catch up with the writing style and it became easier to read. I hope that writing and publishing this book helped the author to process her pain and despair. I'm not going to rate with stars mostly because I didn't finish it but also because I agree with another reviewer that it seems odd to rate someone's brain dump of mourning.
lcline1981's review against another edition
5.0
I haven't read much by Joyce Carol Oates considering how much she has written. I read one or two of her novels when I was much younger and I'm a big fan of her short story, "Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?" I have been feeling disappointed by memoir as a genre lately, but the Times Book Review spoke very highly of Oates' new contribution, so I requested a galley.
The book begins on a normal day with Oates just returning from a speaking engagement. When she arrives, she finds that her husband has gotten ill while she was away. It is incredibly pedestrian, and yet from the first pages her story compelled me. Husband and wife fuss and decide that they won't wait to see their general practitioner, deciding instead to go to the emergency room, where Ray (Oates' husband of almost 50 years), is admitted with pneumonia. Considering the title of the book, it is no spoiler to say that, only a few days later, Ray passes away. And yet, reading those heart-wrenching chapters, I felt like I was reading a brilliantly crafted work of fiction. I could turn the pages fast enough on my I-pad; I was rooting for Ray despite knowing the outcome. The suddenness of his passing was distressing and the portrayal of Oates throughout rang to me as heart-breakingly accurate.
After Ray's death, Oates explores what it means to be a widow and how she coped-with the help of friends and work and medications- in the months following her loss. There are sad moments and funny moments, and the reader feels the surreality of the writer's current state. Throughout the book, however, she writes with clarity and a competency that reminds us that she is a professional story teller. She explores the form of the memoir, eventually coming to the realization that "all memoirs are journeys. investigations. Some memoirs are pilgrimages." She sees her journey as the latter.
I felt like I was on the journey with her, and it seemed to be a journey in many senses. Not only did Oates embark on the obvious journey of coming to terms with the death of her partner of many decades, it also seems to be a journey in which she merges her identity as Joyce Smith with her writer's persona-Joyce Carol Oates, or as she refers to her- JCO. She claims midway through the book that she has "walled [her]self off from 'Joyce Carol Oates,'" and has also created "walls" between herself and Ray by keeping their professional identities separate from their identity as a married couple. Through the book, she gets to know Ray better in crucial ways, and that is part of the journey as well.
What I liked best about the book was its readability. Like I mentioned earlier, the reader knows that she is in the hands of a professional. I also found the book honest - at times beautiful and at others baffling. The author doesn't hide the moments in her relationship that some of us might find a bit strange (What? They didn't read each others' writing?). Overall, this might be one of the best memoirs I've read, and it makes me more than likely to pick up some more of Oates' fiction in the future.
Full Disclosure: I received a galley of this book from the publisher.
The book begins on a normal day with Oates just returning from a speaking engagement. When she arrives, she finds that her husband has gotten ill while she was away. It is incredibly pedestrian, and yet from the first pages her story compelled me. Husband and wife fuss and decide that they won't wait to see their general practitioner, deciding instead to go to the emergency room, where Ray (Oates' husband of almost 50 years), is admitted with pneumonia. Considering the title of the book, it is no spoiler to say that, only a few days later, Ray passes away. And yet, reading those heart-wrenching chapters, I felt like I was reading a brilliantly crafted work of fiction. I could turn the pages fast enough on my I-pad; I was rooting for Ray despite knowing the outcome. The suddenness of his passing was distressing and the portrayal of Oates throughout rang to me as heart-breakingly accurate.
After Ray's death, Oates explores what it means to be a widow and how she coped-with the help of friends and work and medications- in the months following her loss. There are sad moments and funny moments, and the reader feels the surreality of the writer's current state. Throughout the book, however, she writes with clarity and a competency that reminds us that she is a professional story teller. She explores the form of the memoir, eventually coming to the realization that "all memoirs are journeys. investigations. Some memoirs are pilgrimages." She sees her journey as the latter.
I felt like I was on the journey with her, and it seemed to be a journey in many senses. Not only did Oates embark on the obvious journey of coming to terms with the death of her partner of many decades, it also seems to be a journey in which she merges her identity as Joyce Smith with her writer's persona-Joyce Carol Oates, or as she refers to her- JCO. She claims midway through the book that she has "walled [her]self off from 'Joyce Carol Oates,'" and has also created "walls" between herself and Ray by keeping their professional identities separate from their identity as a married couple. Through the book, she gets to know Ray better in crucial ways, and that is part of the journey as well.
What I liked best about the book was its readability. Like I mentioned earlier, the reader knows that she is in the hands of a professional. I also found the book honest - at times beautiful and at others baffling. The author doesn't hide the moments in her relationship that some of us might find a bit strange (What? They didn't read each others' writing?). Overall, this might be one of the best memoirs I've read, and it makes me more than likely to pick up some more of Oates' fiction in the future.
Full Disclosure: I received a galley of this book from the publisher.
mcallima's review against another edition
3.0
I read this book soon after my father passed away. There were many portions that resonated with me and my own grief process- and in watching my mother's grief process. I'm not in any way qualified to review or critique JCO's work. I think this is a great book for those who are grieving to know they are not alone in their stark, frightening feelings.
laurianeamt's review against another edition
4.0
Un livre sublime, et un témoignage poignant, éprouvant, magnifique, qui m'a retournée. Si je ne peux me mettre à la place de la très grande JCO, je ne peux que compatir, et imaginer sa douleur. Merci, Joyce, pour avoir partagé avec nous votre peine. Bravo pour ce récit de survie, qui m'a fait comprendre que face à la perte d'un être cher, nous sommes tous égaux.
mztaraln76's review against another edition
I started this book in the spring but had to put it down. I am a fan of Joyce Carol Oates and usually enjoy her work. This book spoke to me on many levels, as my mother became a widow in July 2010 and it was a sudden, unexpected event. That is why I had to put this book down and place it on my "To reread in the (near) future" shelf. The pain over the loss of my father came back over me as I read about Ms. Oates' days spent at the hospital and how the world seemed to crash around her when she found out her husband was gone. I plan on returning to this book and finishing it, but right now may not be the right time.